Am I a terrible person?

cyantist

My family (and a lot of my friends) know what we earn, how much we owe in mortgage, our outgoings etc. I know the same about them and it wouldn't occur to us not to discuss this.

OP, just hurry up and buy the place you're saving for, that will take all the money you have in the bank and you'll legitimately be able to say you don't have the money to lend it to them!

Seriously though, you shouldn't need to come up with an excuse, it's unfair to expect you to keep bailing them out. And when you have 6 siblings it could get very costly.

Takeaway_Addict

Mr.Robot wrote: »

I really hate to take my problems online /QUOTE]
Am I the only one seeing the irony in this and the OP's name?

Person_one

Mr.Robot wrote: »

They don't ask for vast sums, but it adds up you know... I've probably leant in excess of about £3000 to them in the last 2 years.

That's it? I assumed you were talking about much larger sums. I'd give my siblings that in a heartbeat if they were in trouble and I had it sitting in the bank.

If I am ever lucky enough to be in a position where I am earning 5 times the salaries of the people I care about, I hope I will be remember to be generous enough to share my good fortune a bit.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

That's it? I assumed you were talking about much larger sums. I'd give my siblings that in a heartbeat if they were in trouble and I had it sitting in the bank.

But are they in trouble or are they just living beyond their means because they know they can ask the OP for money?

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

But are they in trouble or are they just living beyond their means because they know they can ask the OP for money?

One was facing eviction, according to the OP.

euronorris

Sorry to hear that the relationship between you guys has become centred so much around money. That really sucks.


In your situation, I would tell them all that you feel that your relationship has become too focussed on your ability to 'lend' them money and you don't want it to be about that. You want it to be about family, and sharing happy experiences etc.


You're also concerned about how they would manage these financial situations if you were no longer around to help them. No one is invincible and you could be hit by a bus tomorrow. What would they do then?


So, with those things in mind, you're removing the financial aspect of your relationship with them by stopping lending money to anyone as from xx date.


If they are concerned about managing their finances, you can point them in the direction of a wonderful website full of help and tips, and should they want it, you're happy to go through SOA's with them and pinpoint any areas where savings can be made etc.

Pollycat

zagfles wrote: »

If you want to help them, instead of just giving them money, help them get their finances on track. Get them to do a SOA (see the DFW board). Do they spend money on trivia like expensive mobile contracts, Sky, or expensive nights out? Give a man a fish...etc

The post above is the best advice - imho.

What do you think, Mr.Robot?

paddy's_mum

Mr.Robot wrote: »

even though it's their fault because they don't spend their money conservatively

We have no reason to doubt the OP's word and in his shoes, I'd be fuming too.

There's giving people you love a helping hand and then (as many recent threads have illustrated) being taken for a fool .... and allowing it!

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

One was facing eviction, according to the OP.

But was that because she'd spent the rent money on luxuries because she knew he would bail her out?

jimmy2times

YOu Can't be expected to always be giving people money.
Even as a poor person I can say that.

I earn 15K per year and live in a tiny bedsit and don't have a penny for myself.

My brother earn about 60K and has a fairly nice lifestyle.

My sister earns about 300K and lives in a house that looks like something out of MTV cribs!

I don't ask any of them for money.