Am I a terrible person?

goodwithsaving

You should not be giving them money. I earn more than my siblings but don't feel obliged to help them. I would if they were really stuck but I've worked hard for all that I have. They didn't do that work. If I had millions I would ensure their security, but I don't.
Strange family dynamic and you should look after #1. Put money away for YOUR future. Also, annual salaries are often lower take home than people realise by the time all of the stoppages have been accounted for. They likely have illusions of grandeur.

zagfles

Pollycat wrote: »

The bit in bold is - at least to me - key.

I would not lend them any more money, you have been acting as a safety net for them so they've not needed to budget like most people have to..

Exactly - if they spend carelessly instead of building up their own "rainy day" fund why should you bail them out on the "rainy day"? If you do, they'll never learn to stand on their own two feet.

Seabee42

I presume that in theory they could work harder or better and get a better job to?


I also think that you need to understand that by helping out spenders in this way you are not fixing the underlying problem at all. I personally would want to discuss this with them before they get into a problem. Saying no before hand is easier and makes more sense.


Note if someone close to me worked hard spent sensibly and then got into real hard ship I would be much more inclined to help.

DigForVictory

OP, you are in a mess & you have come to one of the better places to speak & be heard & get a spectrum of opinions & support.

Definitely stop with the handouts. Even the emergency ones. Have the local credit union business cards handy. Dredge up records of whom last had how much & point out that that's still owing. A cr*tch-ch*p, but it will start to clarify things a bit.

When someone next comes (in person, and stays polite - if they want your money, they need to play by your rules) for help, sit them down & make them do an SOA. Challenge them to post it on here. If the MSE forum can't help, and deliver a few solid home truths, this is not the site I think it is.

There will always be the occasional emergencies. Be ready to help, with a single £20 note. Which you expect the other siblings to match, this being an emergency. I'd love to see who gets paid back first...

The family will hate it, but they got on with you when you were all brassic, so they can learn to manage their finances just as well knowing you are still there as family just not as Soft Touch Of First Resort.

Odds on the family will first ostracise & blame your lass. Which is howlingly unfair, but family have the habit of seeing each other as OK but outlanders as most likely to be in the wrong. If you hear one bad word against her, make it very clear that person gets not another penny, emergency or not, & some other family member with better manners can plead for a loan.

Your family will either learn, or cut themselves from you & that is *their* choice. Courtesy costs next to nothing. Loans can be vilely expensive.

Pollycat

DigForVictory wrote: »

When someone next comes (in person, and stays polite - if they want your money, they need to play by your rules) for help, sit them down & make them do an SOA. Challenge them to post it on here. If the MSE forum can't help, and deliver a few solid home truths, this is not the site I think it is.

You're the 2nd poster to give this excellent advice.

For the benefit of Mr Robot (who is a new member) DFV is talking about the Debtfree Wannabe board here:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=76

And this is the SOA (Statement of Affairs):
http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

However, I woudn't be too surprised if, after you refuse to subsidise the first sibling who asks for financial help, the others will somehow manage to live within their means.

VfM4meplse

Mr.Robot wrote: »

Since this time my brothers and sisters always call upon me for financial help, bailing them out of loans they've taken, credit cards, overdrafts and just general money lending. Of course I never ask for it back, they're family... Even if I did ask for it back they would not be able to pay it back because they earn so little.

You are to be commended on your family values.

I would suggest that you create some financial goals for yourself though, and consider these before others (eg paying off a mortgage). Times are good at the moment but you never know when its going to rain, how hard or for how long. It sounds as though your siblings won't be in a position to help you if the time comees.

Happytravelling

Sometimes, you've got to be cruel to be kind. In the long term, becoming dependent on you isn't going to do them any favours.

I'd find it tough to just say no, and its especially difficult with the amount they know about your finances; difficult to disguise with throw away lines about cutting down on takeaways or saving really hard, that might give the impression of your needing to watch the pennies.

If it were me, I think on the next time I were asked, I would ask what its for and why it is/ what's happened that meant they can't afford to pay, how much they need and how long it will be before they can afford to pay it back. Then I'd suggest I was worried that they've had to borrow 2 or 3 times before when they never used to, and in the long run everyone could end up in a mess if you lost your job, that up to now you've been happy to help but, with requests coming from all your siblings, you've been thinking about it more and it would surely be better for them to get to a point where they don't feel like they have to pick up the phone, after all, it can't be a good call for them to make. (If they do find it a difficult call, they'll appreciate the acknowledgement, if they don't, it plants the seed of thought that they shouldn't just look to you)

Then, I'd say I could lend the amount, and rather than they pay it back when they said, I'd give them twice the amount of time but tell them to start an emergency fund whilst paying you back. Eg, if they say they need £100 and can pay back next month, suggest they pay back £50 per month and put £50 each month in savings for the 2 months. Then, they can keep that up and next time something happens, they'll have their emergency fund.
Its a bit more sneaky than coming straight out and saying you can borrow but lets do an SOA, but might be easier for you, and considering how awkward they're making you feel, I don't think you should feel too bad about it.

And, as they're happy to guilt trip you into “lending” them money, the answer to “why won't you lend me money, its just sitting there in your account”, I'd be tempted to respond “it sitting there in my account because I've chosen to save it. I'd feel less reluctant if you'd paid me back before when I'd lent you money, but to be honest, there' s less money 'just sitting there' because I've always helped my family and then not been paid back.”

VfM4meplse

Happytravelling wrote: »

Then, I'd say I could lend the amount, and rather than they pay it back when they said, I'd give them twice the amount of time but tell them to start an emergency fund whilst paying you back. Eg, if they say they need £100 and can pay back next month, suggest they pay back £50 per month and put £50 each month in savings for the 2 months. Then, they can keep that up and next time something happens, they'll have their emergency fund.

I don't think this will work. The OP's siblings sound quite happy-go-lucky about money and will spend according to what's in the system rather than their own personal means.

OP, and I right in thinking its been a rather close family set-up, and "family money" is an unspoken arrangement?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

'I haven't got any savings anymore because I've used them up trying to help Everybody out'

'£700? Facing eviction? You're in a council/HA property [going by the amount], it takes more than that for them to get a Possession Order - get in touch with them and make arrangements to pay it off over the next year, that's less than two quid a day to sort it out and they won't evict you if you've made an arrangement and keeping to it'.

'Eff off, it doesn't say 'Bank of Robot' over the front door'.


Take your pick.

ellesbellesxxx

I agree with the excellent advice already given about helping sibs to budget etc. Being awkward though, I would say I am sorry there is no more money... Your savings have been depleted and no one has paid you back so bank has run dry!