SOA - please help!! I want to start today!

getmore4less

Forward_thinking wrote: »

.... I asked husband what car requirements he has and he said none, because he is totally happy with the hire car. AAgh - bangs head against the wall. We've had this car for about 40 months and I've only just woken up. He's still comatosed about it. He has agreed to look at any cars I can find him if they are with a private seller - said he wouldn't touch a trader with a barge pole. Is that really a problem? I don't know much about buying cars but he said if we are buying cheap we will just buy problems. So that really limits the choice I get on auto trader........

he wants you to work for 15+ hours so he can have a hire car?

40months is longer than a 3 years lease.

If he is going to block buying look at lease, to find something to buy will take hours unless you get lucky a bit of lease research(get on the car part of the forum there are experts there) will not take long.

Start with what he currently hires a straight swap will reduce the wiggle room?

if you want a Galaxy
http://www.lingscars.com/Ford/Galaxy-leasing/cheap-contract-hire.html#models


40months at £650pm would have bought a Galaxy on credit.

matchboxfull

questionss wrote: »

Jumping in and my first shout is one of congratulations for setting things in motion

Just reading through a few points - my husband is also a high earner, I bring home about 23k from a part time job too but that only started a few months ago. We've 3 smaller kids (6, 4, 18mth) so just getting into beavers subs and school expenses...
I am however the spender and hubby the saver, luckily I spend on small day to day stuff and save on big things too.
Hubby drives an old car - cost us £800.
We have had a cleaner in the past but don't currently. I try and keep on too of the house through the week and the kids do a 10min tidy with me each evening. If I was struggling a cleaner would be the next step, DH will not clean after a week in work. I bought a roomba for £270 (3months of our cleaner) which has helped me massively - the floors need to be cleared for it to run and hoovering can happen whilst I'm doing other stuff. It's been 9months without a cleaner now so even accounting for the cost if the roomba we've saved £520

We have a Roomba. Probably one of the first generation ones as we've had it for about 8/9 years, but it's brilliant because not only does it (obviously) vacuum every night, but it makes us pick stuff up so that the room is ready.

Just to add, regarding getting the children on board with the cleaning, why not draw up a rota giving each of the older ones one job per day. I do this with my teen boys. Things like 'clean bathroom' or 'vacuum upstairs' and, to be honest, I think they really enjoy having a bit of responsibility. Plus it genuinely helps.

Forward_thinking wrote: »

Thanks for the posts above - I tend to take stock of them all in the evening when the children are in bed. Actually, I really look forward to coming on here for more words of wisdom. A really frustrating morning. I asked husband what car requirements he has and he said none, because he is totally happy with the hire car. AAgh - bangs head against the wall. We've had this car for about 40 months and I've only just woken up. He's still comatosed about it. He has agreed to look at any cars I can find him if they are with a private seller - said he wouldn't touch a trader with a barge pole. Is that really a problem? I don't know much about buying cars but he said if we are buying cheap we will just buy problems. So that really limits the choice I get on auto trader. I also asked him to get a meter/elec reading (right at the back of the garage) so we can get a cheque back. He hasn't done that yet - just keeps telling me I'm just procrastinating and should be looking for work at £60 hour. Frustrating morning.

This must be really stressful for you. As others have said, he's still in the 'earn more money' phase of thinking. The more your family bring in, though, the more you'll spend. Have you two been able to make space to have a proper sit-down talk about money? He knows that the credit cards are maxed out so he must have some sense of concern deep down.

getmore4less

Another way to look at the car is you could have been spending say £300pm less for something just as good(size/age)

over 40months thats 25% of the debts.

Forward_thinking

yes, he's worried although he hides it. Two years ago he wasn't sleeping for a few weeks. He was up in the night pacing the floors and I didn't recognise him. He had no work (contract) and we were going down by £7k every month. We were about to leave the house/move etc and then he got a new contract. And it all went away. But it didn't - just away mentally. If his current contract finishes we would have to probably go bankrupt. Game over. He knows we are in a mess, has accepted we would never be able to buy (early 40s) and says he hopes he dies first : (( He has taken out life insurance to cover me only - says he can't afford to take it out for himself. It's a mess. He also owes about £20k to his company in the next two years due to juggling everything and has accepted he might have to go to jail. I don't take that seriously but I don't really have knowledge of that side of things. I only know about the day to day running of expenses, not his company side of things.

I'm determined to get us out of this mess. I have been naive and just told myself if he's not worried then it must not be as catastrophic as it seems. But I think he is hiding it and not wanting to address it. He used to be so happy and is certainly not the laid back chap he was a few years ago.

(Glad I chose to use this space for me - won't write anything against him - he's great. But it does help to be able to write it down - and get wonderful comments which really help at the same time).

Determined to get rid of that hire car in the next week or so. Watch this space!!!

Upsidedown_Bear

Forward_thinking wrote: »

yes, he's worried although he hides it. Two years ago he wasn't sleeping for a few weeks. He was up in the night pacing the floors and I didn't recognise him. He had no work (contract) and we were going down by £7k every month. We were about to leave the house/move etc and then he got a new contract. And it all went away. But it didn't - just away mentally. If his current contract finishes we would have to probably go bankrupt. Game over. He knows we are in a mess, has accepted we would never be able to buy (early 40s) and says he hopes he dies first : (( He has taken out life insurance to cover me only - says he can't afford to take it out for himself. It's a mess. He also owes about £20k to his company in the next two years due to juggling everything and has accepted he might have to go to jail. I don't take that seriously but I don't really have knowledge of that side of things. I only know about the day to day running of expenses, not his company side of things.

Surely that is the wrong way round?
If you are only going to insure one person shouldn't it be the person who earns the most (and hopes they are going to die first?)

getmore4less

Sounds bit like denial the car the shopping the just earm more money we will be all right we can spend our way out of debt.

I think the reality is you may need to cut back even more than I first thought, even with long term contracts you need to build up buffers by living well below the headline rate and doing the extra luxurys from saved us surplus not borrowings.

This is something you need to transition towards, I think you need to be looking to get committed spends down under £5kpm and that would be sustainable(as long as the £7k is true net and the tax portion has been saved*), this will cut debt help with the £20k business and move towards a future savings pot to get between contracts.

Your income can top up the luxury items as needed and help with the debt.

It may be with these numbers moving is going to have to happen
(does hubby commute and/or work from home)

* what does the accountent say is a sustainable drawings from the company to be back on track in 2 years? if this is less than £7k then time for a drastic rethink.

questionss

getmore4less wrote: »

Sounds bit like denial the car the shopping the just earm more money we will be all right we can spend our way out of debt.

I think the reality is you may need to cut back even more than I first thought, even with long term contracts you need to build up buffers by living well below the headline rate and doing the extra luxurys from saved us surplus not borrowings.

This is something you need to transition towards, I think you need to be looking to get committed spends down under £5kpm and that would be sustainable(as long as the £7k is true net and the tax portion has been saved*), this will cut debt help with the £20k business and move towards a future savings pot to get between contracts.

Your income can top up the luxury items as needed and help with the debt.

It may be with these numbers moving is going to have to happen
(does hubby commute and/or work from home)

* what does the accountent say is a sustainable drawings from the company to be back on track in 2 years? if this is less than £7k then time for a drastic rethink.

Wow - I hadn't realised your DH was a contractor too. I agree with this poster that you really do need to make drastic changes.
I think you may find that working gives you a degree of feeling in control back that you hadn't anticipated. I work 2 days and as it stands I could cover all our day to day costs except childcare and the mortgage we are about to tAke on. If DH couldn't get a contract for a while then he would take on the childcare and I could easily get full time work in my field that would cover the mortgage but not childcare. We have savings buffers for the interim. I like working - It gives options for bad times & made me much more relaxed about the uncertain nature of contracting.

getmore4less

Whats the average no of months worked in 2012-2015(4 years) whats the average or toal income across those years(taking into account the company debt(eg how much could hubby had drawn down without the company going into debt.

Thi will give a much clearer picture of what the true income has been

Forward_thinking

Upsidedown - got it 'upside down' - the life insurance is for him but would help me if anything happened to him : ((((

Husband is a contractor and commutes in each day. It's a long contract though for a couple of years so no immediate concerns on him losing this.

I can't remember when he started his current contract - probably about 2.5 years. He had about six months off but before that was on a daily rate of about £1200. He only accepted this contract because he obviously had no choice.

I am really clueless about the state of affairs with his business. I know he has occasionally juggled things about and taken a loan. I need to get the figures from him. I know I am a shareholder in the company so it's not really acceptable for me to be naive in this area. Could you help a novice to this and tell me what questions I should be asking him?

Thanks for your help. Everybody is so kind on here - I expected so much confrontation!!!!!

meer53

You don't need to look for work at £60 an hour, you need your OH on your side, not putting up barriers to every suggestion you make. His head is in the sand unfortunately, and until he takes it out it's going to be really difficult for you OP. I hope you manage to keep up your enthusiasm but don't let him bully you into finding work when there are so many other solutions to your overspending.