New sibling behaviour issues

Mojisola

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

I'm probably just taking it too personal but it's hard when it's only me that it is happening to. He's an angel for everyone else. I'm just finding it hard to keep my moral up, by bedtime I'm jaded and have nothing left to give anyone else.

That's probably because you are the person he feels most secure with and so can let his emotions out with you.

meritaten

I was going to say exactly the same as Mojisola! Its a right bu99er when they behave for every one else and play YOU up something rotten! my sympathies on that one.
as others have said - time outs do work - but, and its a big BUT - training them to accept the time out takes hard work! it means putting them back EVERY single time they get off the naughty step or whatever you use. and I can see that this would be really difficult with a very young baby. Do you have a 'playpen' he cant get out of? because I would say that it could be a boon. I don't really advocate shutting them in their room at this age because they could trash it or harm themselves. you need to keep them under observation. but time out is also valuable for the parent as it gives YOU breathing space and allows time to calm down.
as for the biting - my oldest son when he was three went through a phase of this - he bit his siblings (who promptly bit back) and he bit me. Once, so badly on the face I needed hospital treatment. I soon learned that when he was out of control to NOT pick him up and to keep my distance. he grew out of that after a few months though thankfully.
btw - his siblings only had to bite back once and he never bit them again.
I do know the feeling of total exhaustion after a day dealing with a three year old and a baby. in fact I can only remember bits and pieces of that time - I felt like a zombie! in the end I informed OH that the hour after the kids bedtime was MY time. I went for a bath and read a book and just chilled for a while. I think it saved my sanity.

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

I do know the feeling of total exhaustion after a day dealing with a three year old and a baby. in fact I can only remember bits and pieces of that time - I felt like a zombie! in the end I informed OH that the hour after the kids bedtime was MY time. I went for a bath and read a book and just chilled for a while. I think it saved my sanity.

I think 'time out' for Mum is extremely important!

Mrshaworth2b - if you can get a few breaks, you will be able to cope with his behaviour so get any help you can from anyone who is willing to give you an hour now and again.

Home Start is a brilliant charity for help if you don't have anyone else.

Mrshaworth2b

Mojisola wrote: »

I think 'time out' for Mum is extremely important!

Mrshaworth2b - if you can get a few breaks, you will be able to cope with his behaviour so get any help you can from anyone who is willing to give you an hour now and again.

Home Start is a brilliant charity for help if you don't have anyone else.

The thing is I get a good few breaks from ds1, I have amazing in laws that want him at any given moment so have him an afternoon and full day a week, then he's at nursery 3 sessions a week. But it's the full days with him that I'm apprehensive about because I'm just waiting for it to kick off.

Yesterday I kept him as busy as can be, he had my full attention, I only picked baby up to put him in basket to sleep, feed, wind and change bum then his was put down on his mat and I carried on with ds1. I thought giving him the attention may well make him treat me like he treats everyone else. But something so simple like "please come out the kitchen" starts it.

4 months in and it's making me feel indifferent from the moment I wake up.

Mojisola

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

Today I had a chat with him about being angry or mad and instead of hitting me or biting me to ask for a cuddle instead. It worked twice, I could see he was gearing up and instead he asked for a cuddle and said he was mad. Great i thought.

Then I asked him to come out of the kitchen and I had a half hour of hell. He won't do time out, as in he won't sit there and I'm not running back and forward's battling with a new baby to tend to aswell.

He's suddenly going through a really clingy stage too, not sure if it's age or nursery related. But his sleeping has gone awol as in, won't get himself to sleep (was watching a film and falling asleep, now he needs to see us, be with us etc,) was sleeping until 5:30 alone, now hes waking at least twice and just crying and whinging wanting us with him. It's exhausting.

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

The thing is I get a good few breaks from ds1, I have amazing in laws that want him at any given moment so have him an afternoon and full day a week, then he's at nursery 3 sessions a week.

But it's the full days with him that I'm apprehensive about because I'm just waiting for it to kick off.

Are you catching up on your sleep when someone gives you a break? Sleep deprivation is used as a torture method to break people down because it's so effective. If you are sleep deprived, you will not be able to cope with normal life, let alone a stroppy little one.

This might sound a bit contradictory but, with children, it's all about finding the right balance - while your son needs your attention so that he doesn't feel pushed out by the baby, he doesn't need it full-on, all the time otherwise he'll find it harder when you have to get on with some other work. Try breaking up your time together so that you focus on him in joint play (or dusting the furniture or picking up toys together) and then get him to do something himself while you do something else, then play together again.

It's really hard finding that sweet spot (especially as it will change as he develops and changes) but keep experimenting and you'll get there - but the most important thing is for you to get more sleep!