New sibling behaviour issues

Mrshaworth2b

Today has definitely been a day of two halves. I'm absolutely smothered in a cough and a cold, which doesn't help but ds1 has been quiet when I asked to help ds2 fall asleep, we've done lots of activities together while ds2 slept. He's played alone whilst I fed ds2 and then dinner happened and all good behaviour went out the window. I dared to say no to staying in the kitchen for ds1 to play washing up (having already been in the cold room for 20 minutes already) cue smacking screaming and using ds2 to misbehave even more. Daddy's just come home and he's even misbehaving for him. Only 4 hours to bedtime and tomorrow is a new day . It's my new mantra

mumps

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

Today has definitely been a day of two halves. I'm absolutely smothered in a cough and a cold, which doesn't help but ds1 has been quiet when I asked to help ds2 fall asleep, we've done lots of activities together while ds2 slept. He's played alone whilst I fed ds2 and then dinner happened and all good behaviour went out the window. I dared to say no to staying in the kitchen for ds1 to play washing up (having already been in the cold room for 20 minutes already) cue smacking screaming and using ds2 to misbehave even more. Daddy's just come home and he's even misbehaving for him. Only 4 hours to bedtime and tomorrow is a new day . It's my new mantra

Just keep saying, "This too will pass." It will.

I think they all put us through it one way or another. My eldest coped with the new baby wonderfully, as I said above. When they were teenagers he nearly killed him on several occasions, the fights were truly awful. Yours will probably be angels then, it was just my turn as I'd had it easy early on.

Good job we love them.

Mrshaworth2b

Hello,

Nearly 4 months in now and things still haven't improved, guess ds1 has had more chucked at him and his behaviour has if anything got worse. Today I had my hair pulled and have been bitten.

Still hoping this is a phase and that with time it will pass but day to day it's hard to think that way when I'm in the thick of it.

Sorry for the ramble guess I'm just need a gee up.

Qtipps4

Hi.

It's not easy but you will get there. If your HV is any use have a chat. Get as many breaks as you can and try to encourage your eldest to play alone even when you are not with the baby.
Good luck
X

pigpen

I'd suggest it is nothing to do with the baby and more to do with an age related, if you're lucky, passing stage!

3 is a much more difficult age than 2 especially if their speech isnt wonderful and they get frustrated trying to communicate, in addition to trying to be independent.

Time outs for the worst of the bad behaviour.. physical violence in particular and praise for good behaviour.. hugs if he will let you or just time with him if he won't.

If he is a bright lad he may well just be utterly bored! .. Does he know letters and numbers? It may be worth looking at learning these to occupy his mind a bit. Or reading/simple maths as the next step. My oldest was reading and writing by 3, he was bored silly and his behaviour was atrocious if he was not on a task. He is nearly 25 and still exactly the same!

Some children are just more challenging than others, it doesnt mean there is a problem, it can just be their personality. Trying to see when the naughty is about to bubble over and distracting before it does it the trick.. and you cant catch it every time.


Is he like it everywhere or just at home with you? My oldest was a lovely charming young man with people who could give him the 100% attention he craved but from 2 until maybe 9 he was absolutely horrific.


My 4 y/o is a monster too.. she spits and bites and lashes out and throws things and it is nothing to do with younger siblings it is just her.. she needs a lot of stimulation and distraction. She has been hard work since birth!

Mrshaworth2b

It's just me. He has been able to communicate from really early on and his talking is amazing, it's the one things everyone comments on.

Today I had a chat with him about being angry or mad and instead of hitting me or biting me to ask for a cuddle instead. It worked twice, I could see he was gearing up and instead he asked for a cuddle and said he was mad. Great i thought. Then I asked him to come out of the kitchen and I had a half hour of hell. He won't do time out, as in he won't sit there and I'm not running back and forward's battling with a new baby to tend to aswell.

He's suddenly going through a really clingy stage too, not sure if it's age or nursery related. But his sleeping has gone awol as in, won't get himself to sleep (was watching a film and falling asleep, now he needs to see us, be with us etc,) was sleeping until 5:30 alone, now hes waking at least twice and just crying and whinging wanting us with him. It's exhausting.

Today I spent a solid 4 hours just doing things with him and we were having a great day and then boom, behaviour goes down the pan and never picks up.

pigpen

Sometimes you just have to persevere, especially with time outs they take ages, sometimes months, to get right, but they do.. it doesnt take long before they realise this is what you expect and you won't back down.. you are the adult, you call the shots and set the boundaries if after 5 minutes you get bored and stop trying they declare themselves the champion.

Re the sleeping, it could be that his imagination has kicked in and he is scaring himself with silly things or a bit of separation anxiety?? Or just making stuff up and using it to play you again.. Mine had a phase of 'I hate my bed' .. we went to a cotbed, then a single bed, then got a new mattress and she still hates her bed 2 years later.. I decided I didnt care any more and it was her being a beast because the bed is so comfy! .. so we tried a few strategies and in the end it was basically a case of making her stay there until she went to sleep.. 2.5 hours it took the first night.. 1.5 the second.. after 2 weeks she went to bed like a normal person.. she gets up 2 or 3 times a night and up for good at 5ish.. but she goes to bed. We are now having a crack down on the 2.5 year old who wants OH to lay with her until she is asleep.

You need to be consistent, trying something once or twice and giving up because it is hard work or 'not working' isnt how it goes.. you need to try each new thing at least a week.. yes it is boring, yes it makes you feel like you are beating your head up a wall.. but it is the only way. Parenting isn't fun sometimes.. it is often boring and painful and makes you want to scream with rage or frustration.. then they go to sleep, or tell you they love you and you are their best friend and it is all forgiven!

Mine are talkers too.. to the point I could gag them.. it is non-stop!.. excellent vocabulary, total understanding and still Dot is a monster.. Often she is just bored. Playing WITH her makes it worse, what does help is giving her an activity she can do herself and show me what she has done so I can shower her with praise.. playdough, painting, lego etc creative crafts.. writing letters, planting seeds.

argh.. Small is needing encouragement to stay in her bed.. night #2 of no daddy in bed! this is the boring bit!! lol We've had such a lovely day!!

Mrshaworth2b

I'm probably just taking it too personal but it's hard when it's only me that it is happening to. He's an angel for everyone else. I'm just finding it hard to keep my moral up, by bedtime I'm jaded and have nothing left to give anyone else.

pigpen

I know exactly how that feels... you are physically and emotionally drained and just need some grown up time... time without someone touching you or talking.. OH & I regularly sit here in silence once they are all in bed just savouring the peace.


You are not alone in these feelings!!

hngrymummy

One day another child will try to poke/prod/stroke/etc the baby, and you may very well find that your eldest stands in the way and acts like a protective big brother. That was the turning point for me, when I realised that my eldest loved his baby sister. He does still push her, fight with her, shout at her, call her names etc, but now she retaliates, and sometimes even starts it!

Grab yourself a big slice of cake and remember that this too will pass. His life has been turned upside down (in a good way in the long term), and this is his way of dealing with it.

When the weather is better, wait for nap time, tuck baby up in the pram and head off up to the park for a couple of hours. I was talking to my son, and he said that he doesn't remember my youngest as a baby, only going to the park a lot with me. Suddenly the 40 minutes spent pushing him on the swing was worth while!