Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for my usher's suit?

bofhvp

I'd just tirn up my ripped t-shirt and shorts :T

BNT

In the scheme of a wedding, this is not a big deal, so I suggest you don't make it one by causing a fuss. No one will come out of that looking good. I imagine he made a mistake in committing to a cost without checking with his fianc!e's family (assuming her family is picking up the cost of the wedding) and I don't suppose he feels great about going back on his word. I'd have thought that if you are a close enough friend to be asked to be an usher and go on the stag night, you are a close enough friend to be able to talk to the groom about this. If you can't afford it, then your friend should be able to understand and accept that. Dan Thunder's answer above seems a pretty reasonable way to go about it.

arbroath_lass

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

In my experience making your bridesmaids pay for their own outfits is very much an American tradition, and a cheeky one at that. Couples should have the wedding they can afford, and a bridal party is hardly necessary.

I agree. I've been a bridesmaid three times and have never been asked to pay for a dress. First one the bride sold the dresses on afterwards, second one I was given to keep (not entirely sure what you can do with a bridesmaid's dress after the wedding!) and the third was hired. I have never known anyone ask a bridesmaid to pay for her own dress, although many bridesmaids will offer.

Richard6

I would just gracefully bow out of the role to avoid being livid on the day on seeing no expense spared on silly things that mean less than the value of a good friendship. I bet the brides guests are financially covered and he has been left to cut corners. I would be returning the Dualit toaster/ kettle set and getting Tesco value ones instead and tell him your boilers broken down, put them on a guilt trip without the expense. I would be appalled if I was you, however if you are a bit of a doormat and prone to being mugged, DanThunder has posted a few good pointers. If you are that doormat, bear in mind it will be you that he chaps up in the middle of the night looking for a bed for the night when she spits the dummy and throws him out in the arguments after the honeymoon period

POPPYOSCAR

pippinpuss wrote: »

As tradition/etiquette a bridesmaid pays for her own dress, so I assumed if you were asked to be usher or best man you also paid for your own suit.


If it was agreed that the groom would pay that is slightly different, if you can't afford it either how about agreeing to matching ties instead & wearing a suit you already have. As an usher you won't be at the front of church/register office. So matching ties & buttonholes should be enough.


If you wanted a top hat & tails type wedding it is unreasonable to expect men to buy the suits but hiring them is a way out of spending too much.

Never heard of that tradition before.


I have only ever known it the other way around.

BNT

Richard6 wrote: »

bear in mind it will be you that he chaps up in the middle of the night looking for a bed for the night when she spits the dummy and throws him out in the arguments after the honeymoon period

If a friend needs a bed for the night and doesn't think he can call for help, I'd question how much of a friend I really am.

Sleepy_Hollow

I have been a bridesmaid three times and each time the dress has been purchased for me. Equally, at our wedding we will be paying for the bridesmaid's dresses and groomsmen's outfits.


I think if they want you to wear a particular suit then they should pay for it. If they can't afford it then they can't expect you to be able to afford it either.


Simply tell them that you don't have that sort of money available for hiring a suit for one day and that you'll wear one of your own.


If we couldn't have afforded the outfits I would have let everyone wear what they wanted and maybe suggested that if possible they stick to a certain colour theme.

October17

I think it really depends on the wedding. If they are blowing the budget in other areas that aren't necessary like hiring a photo booth or having those huge lit up letters then I'd be annoyed too. If however they are completely strapped and you really want to be part of the day then I'd buy the suit...but only if it could be worn again.