Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for my usher's suit?

Former_MSE_Nick

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A few months ago I tried on a suit for a wedding I'm attending fairly soon - I'll be an usher and the groom told me the cost would be covered by the wedding party. He's just got in touch to say they can no longer afford to cover it and that I'll need to pay the £120 (on top of the stag do and wedding presents). Shall I pony up or cause a fuss?

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Tigsteroonie

Depends on the suit.

If it's something you will wear again (i.e. it's a regular suit, maybe a special waistcoat, but suitable for interviews, funerals etc) then I'd pay.

If it's something bespoke/unique that screams "mate's wedding" and would be relegated to the back of your wardrobe never to be seen again, I'd moan and then ask whether I can wear something more conventional.

scotsbob

The original deal was you wear a suit chosen by groom and he paid for it.
Now he has broken the deal so you no longer have to wear one chosen by him.
Tell him you are wearing a smart shell suit (white of course as it's a wedding) and see if he changes his mind.

consumers_revenge

I had this situation....worse still it was just for me to pay to hire the suit.


I said, I will be happy to buy a new suit, but I choose it ( one I would wear again ) and I will still be happy to be an usher. But ( with extreme politeness ) Im not paying for your wedding hire.


End of story, I wore a suit I already had and I wasn't an usher. Guess the matching suit and role was worth more than my presence.


Still the hotel we had it in was nice :-)

bylromarha

Tell him just because they can no longer afford to cover the suit cost, doesn't mean that you will.

You're happy to wear a suit you already have, yes? Then it's up to them if they're happy with that too.

jgriggle

Just tell him you can't afford it either, and ask him what he suggests.

cashewnut

I would be annoyed at how it was phrased: you NEED to pay for it.

You don't need to do anything. The groom should be embarrassed for asking and also should have budgeted his wedding properly.

Peirre

Tell him you sympathise with his predicament about cash flow, so to save him additional finacial issues you've decided to have a stag party without him. Then when he asks why? Tell him if he can't afford to pay for your suit, then it's obvious to you he doesn't have the spare cash to blow on trivial expenses such as a stag do. Then tell him you've also decided to change the dates & hold the stag do on his wedding day & because he's a tight wad he can shove his wedding invite where the sun doesn't shine, because a mate who tries to pull a stunt like this isn't a mate after all

Mildred04

We made the mistake of paying for the suit and dress after being told there was no money left. We thought we were doing the right thing, supporting the wedding and not making a fuss (we had a whinge in private). I spent the whole of the wedding furious, seeing all of the money spent on frivolous things that we had essentially paid for by saving them money. We only had one income at the time as I was home caring for our disabled child. I ended up ranting at the groom after they came back from the honeymoon (I knew if I didn't get it off my chest it would eat at me and the friendship). Admittedly I was very ranty and I'm not sure I got my point across as well as I could have but I was so angry! Apparently this made me a very bad friend and I received a really nasty email. I haven't spoken to either of them since. I just wish I'd said my peace when I was less angry and before we'd spent a small fortune.

Sam_Rogers

Why don't you suggest going halves as it's not something you were expecting to pay for. Whether you can afford it or not is not the important part of it.


Otherwise, offer to wear a suit of your own choosing that you can wear again.


Good luck :T

Horace_Grant

Yes, of course you should pay.


This won't have been a spur of the moment decision, it will have taken weeks of speadsheets and tough calls to decide where the shortfall needs to me made up. If they're your friends, you'd pay without question.