Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for my usher's suit?

Mildred04

Horace_Grant wrote: »

Yes, of course you should pay.


This won't have been a spur of the moment decision, it will have taken weeks of speadsheets and tough calls to decide where the shortfall needs to me made up. If they're your friends, you'd pay without question.

If you need to reign in on your wedding budget you should look at what you can reduce without putting the cost on other people. If you have done that already then it should be discussed with the person asked to "pony up" and it should come with sincere apologies and a decent explanation.

It does not make you a bad friend to decide not to pay.

danthemoneysavingman

Perhaps: pay if you're happy to and can afford.
If not happy to or can't afford it, and this is the only route, you should say you can't afford to be an usher.
If you're unhappy about it, take a lesson from other postings above.
Just my 2 cents worth

angel549

Totally unfair! It's his choice to get married, not yours. Weddings can be expensive enough for guests with travel, accomodation, drinks and presents. Then you've got stag do costs on top of that. I think it takes the pee personally to also ask you to pay for your suit.

Either you wear a suit you already have or would be willing to buy anyway as you'd wear it again (even then i think it's cheeky if they've specifically asked you to do a job at their wedding), or just don't be an usher.

Sounds harsh, but too many people take liberties these days. Only reason you should pay for it is if you got married and made everyone do the same at yours.

ButterflyLC

I think this just proves just how selfish people can be. If you ask someone to be in your wedding, you pay for it. End of story. I paid for everything including 12 people to stay for the weekend. It's not something I could afford either to be honest, but I did it because it was the right thing to do. I cut corners elsewhere, like making my own bouquet and table decorations.

Now by contrast at the Best Man's wedding (he is my husbands brother in law), my husband was asked to be Best Man. We were expected to pay for the hire of the kilt, plus gifts, stag do, staying over etc at 6 weeks notice when we had moved into our new house just a few weeks before. We were told "you have to pay, we are on a budget". I was livid. So as everyone else contributed to the wedding, like parents bought the cake as their gift, someone else got the cars, the bridesmaid bought her own dress etc, I suggested we pay for the kilt in lieu of a gift also and it didn't go down well when they didn't get the gifts they wanted. I should add that I bought a photo frame as a minding, but I got it regifted back to me on my wedding day!!

You have to ask yourself is it worth the aggro. If you want to do it, pay it but don't buy a gift. You are contributing to a wedding. If you cant afford it, see if you can wear your own suit but match the tie. It is rude to expect someone to pay for something they picked out.

gloriouslyhappy

Wedding costs can soon spiral out of control, I bet they were embarrassed at having to ask you to pay for the suit - as others have said, pay up if it's a suit you can re-use and you can afford the £120 cost, and if not, ask to wear one of your own, or politely drop out. If they are real friends, they'll understand, and if not, then it's not too much of a soul-search.

Whiskymac

you have been asked to play a part in your friends wedding so you really do need to pay for your suit. Why not tell your friend that you will pay for it but won't be able to also buy a present. I'm sure they would rather have your presence there as an usher in a matching suit to support them on their special day than an actual gift anyway. After all, if they felt they could come to you as a friend to tell you they couldn't afford something you can do the same for a present. But what ever you do, don't fall out with your friends before their big day.

tallgirld

I wouldn't advise that you cause a fuss. I would either
a) buy it (only if you can afford it)
or
b) pull out of being an usher

alittlemadam

You have many options to answer this:-

* you could tell him that you are unable to pay the full cost of the suit hire and maybe go halves

* state that they offered to pay in the first instance and that you will not pay any of it and that they should scale down other costs for the wedding bigger isn't always better

* explain that you wear a suit of your own

* that whilst you will pay the cost of the suit there will be no wedding gift and you will not be attending the stag do (if you've already paid upfront for the stag do well......)

Its a hard choice and whilst yes weddings are supposed to be memorable you can still have a lovely wedding and reception without the need for spending thousands of pounds.

I got married in a registry office accompanied with all my friends and family, our wedding rings and wedding attire were from a factory outlet cheaper than normal shops, the reception we had a sit down meal and our honeymoon we settled for a weekend away.

So many people spend thousands and within a couple of years have separated and divorced, my wedding in total cost about £1000 and 20 years later we are still happily married.

Ebenezer_Screwj

What a cheek to renege on this! If it were me and I was going to pay up for the suit hire, I would scale down the wedding present to a mere token and say that I can "no longer afford" to attend the stag do. I assume that it is a morning suit, perhaps you could suggest that you wear a lounge suit instead, as you "can no longer afford the suit hire"

nczm

the deal was you are the usher, he pays for the suit.
simply go back and say you haven't got the £120 and is he OK if you wear an alternative suit which is more in your price range.
If it's a no, then ask what he suggests you do
If it's a yes, and your price range is zero, wear what you already have