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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for my usher's suit?

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  • Ask all the other ushers if they've recieved the same message.if they have you can all decide as a group what to do,if they haven't then i suggest you refuse.This could be an educational experiance for you.
  • I would ask him how many suits were being hired, then go to the hire company and see if they will do a reduced rate for yours, nothing lost in trying, if they will accept a few quid for it, you have the advantage of saving a few pennies, he gets his matching suits.

    If they will not do a deal, which would be a surprise, then tell him you cant afford to hire it for one day, either, and that you have a suit that would be acceptable, and you can wear that.

    If he says no, he aint much of a friend to be honest, to put his friends in debt for HIS day..... when i was best man for my best mate, he paid for the suit, even though i did offer, (he's my only friend, sad innit), paid for the hotel room, again, we never knew they had done that for us, and put a bottle of fizz in the room for us, as a thank you.

    At the end of the day it is a hard question to answer, how much oes he mean to you, can you afford it, is it worth it, can a normal suit do... go and speak to him, tell him your predicament, he might offer to go halves if that's something you might consider....

    Dont leave it, talk to him sooner than later.
  • Ushers wearing "special" suits is not something which I've even heard of personally. My opinion is that given the circumstances as described, the request for you to pay is unreasonable and as such you should be allowed to just wear a suitable, smart suit.
    How much were you planning on spending on the wedding gift? Maybe that could be cut back on or forgone altogether.
    Of course how your friend chooses to view it is another matter altogether. In the worst case scenario I suppose you'd just need to consider if this could actually upset or affect your relationship with this friend and whether that is worth £120 to you or not.
  • The first thing I'd do is arrange to meet up to discuss this in person rather than send a response by text or email as it'll be easy to misread something if it's not spoken.

    If the OP genuinely doesn't want to or can't pay then I'd say find the best reason you can think of that won't offend him, not necessarily the truth!

    The simplest way is to tell him you that you'd love to be an usher but can't afford to spend the money on a one time item so what can you both do to sort this out? To my mind the options are:

    • You go halves on the cost
    • The bride/groom let ushers wear their own suits (within reason!)
    • You buy a suit that you can use in other circumstances
    • You pay but don't get them a present/go on the stag do
    • You step aside as an usher for someone else
    • Offer to see if you can help him cut costs elsewhere - can you haggle with companies to get better deals?
    • Is this also being applied to the Bride's part of the ceremony i.e. if there are flower girls etc do they have to pay for their own dresses? If not could that be done and then the bridge and groom could pay something towards outfit costs on both sides?
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    It's too much to ask. It's just their day, you're not really that bothered at all I bet ..... it's a fortune. So many better/other ways that you could spend it on. You're paying for their "dream", not yours.

    Don't do it.
  • Buy a good second-hand suit and then sell it on after the wedding. You could even make a profit if you were lucky!
  • If they want you to wear a special suit then they should have to pay for it. If you can wear any suit as long as it is decent, then just buy one and you can use it for other occassions as well. Otherwise just tell them you can't afford the extra expense. Friends understand. If they don't, they are probably not a good friend.
  • Personally, I think if a bride and groom asks you to be a part of their day, they should pay for it. When we got married we budgeted for bridesmaids, the best men and ushers accordingly.

    When my husband's brother got married, everyone had to pay for their own outfits, which meant that nobody's suit matched as they agreed they would but only if it was something they would wear again. It worked for them, but for my day I wanted them to match lol.
    :cool:"More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them." - Harold J. Smith:cool:
  • As tradition/etiquette a bridesmaid pays for her own dress, so I assumed if you were asked to be usher or best man you also paid for your own suit.


    If it was agreed that the groom would pay that is slightly different, if you can't afford it either how about agreeing to matching ties instead & wearing a suit you already have. As an usher you won't be at the front of church/register office. So matching ties & buttonholes should be enough.


    If you wanted a top hat & tails type wedding it is unreasonable to expect men to buy the suits but hiring them is a way out of spending too much.
  • Fuzzy_Duck
    Fuzzy_Duck Posts: 1,594 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    pippinpuss wrote: »
    As tradition/etiquette a bridesmaid pays for her own dress, so I assumed if you were asked to be usher or best man you also paid for your own suit.

    In my experience making your bridesmaids pay for their own outfits is very much an American tradition, and a cheeky one at that. Couples should have the wedding they can afford, and a bridal party is hardly necessary.

    If I were in this situation I would politely say no and suggest I wear a suit I already own. Presumably they will have buttonholes, so regardless of what you wear it should be obvious you're in the wedding party.

    My husband was once asked to wear a black suit as best man. He didn't actually own one but we got a cheap suit from Asda that did the job. It was a bit annoying he couldn't wear one of his existing grey suits but at least we were given the option of buying a suit in our price range, and he can wear it again.
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