Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for my usher's suit?

moonjooce

When I got married I did my research first. Worked out what everything costs, what was essential and what wasn't. I then looked at the budget we had. That made the decision about how many bridesmaids I had and whether we had ushers etc (which we did). I only had 2 bridesmaids and a flower girl in the end. I would have liked someone else as an additional bridesmaid but I knew the budget wouldn't allow it so I asked her to do a reading instead (I should say I made these decisions before asking anyone to be a bridesmaid/usher etc). I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to pay towards a "role" that we have given them in our day - I think that would be really cheeky. It's our day and I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for the privilege. We even picked a wedding venue that had really cheap accommodation nearby so that if people needed to stay over, they weren't only tied to the hotel we got married in. I do agree that it probably wasn't easy for them to ask you to pay, but I think this is an unreasonable request. I agree with other people that if you have a smart suit, ask if you can wear that. They will then have to make a decision on what's more important - having you an usher at all, or having matching suits in the wedding party. If they want matching suits then there are usually plenty of things that can be cut back on or do yourself to free up extra cash: flowers, accessories, table decorations, table plans, the length of time you have the photographer booked for, make up (get people to do their own) - I could go on...

fairy_lights

Weird that there are so many new users popping up saying "just pay it! be a good friend!"
I think it's beyond cheeky of the groom to ask, £120 is a lot of money to have to shell out unexpectedly. Even paying for the suit instead of giving a present doesn't really make it ok because honestly who spends that much on a wedding present? Not to mention the other costs of being involved in a wedding, travel, accommodation, stag do etc.

happyinflorida

Well the one fact missing here is whether you can afford all of this or not?

Can you?

If not, then make a fuss, refuse to pay and drop out of being an usher

weasley_2

This strikes me as another example of "must have everything, but can't afford it". Ushers are not mandated to wear a special suit, this is only being planned because it's what other people do. Equally an usher does not have to wear that suit, in that colour, which matches the wedding theme but does not overshadow the groom or bride. Neither is there any law dictating that there must be this many ushers (or any at all). So they have to make some choices regarding what they want versus what they can afford. A wedding is about the people and the sentiment, but sadly there is a whole industry built upon selling the dream look and matching accessories.

In short, do they want you or are you simply ticking a box on a wedding planning template?

sugarbaby125

It is for a HIRE suit. Pay if you can do so without any lingering resentment that you felt obliged to pay. The Bride and Groom to be are backing out of paying after their prior promise of payment, so for months you had not needed to factor in this extra £120.

reallybright

As you are obviously not the No 1 friend (Best man) at this wedding just drop out of the Usher role.

Augustus_the_Strong

It's a bit much to expect an usher (not even the best man) to hire a suit at this sort of cost. If your friend wants a pretentious wedding he should be the one paying for it. Why not economise, if he can't afford it, & let people wear their own suits. Ridiculous amounts of money are wasted on these weddings. Don't be a mug.

legogingerninja

If he can't afford usher suits, he shouldn't expect ushers in his choice of matching outfits. The person paying gets to do the choosing, when it comes to wedding outfits.
Sadly, if you can't afford it, shoving the cost onto someone else isn't fair.
But whatever you decide to do, tell him kindly and sensitively. Weddings are horribly expensive to pay for and finding economies is tough, especially when there are so many people wading in with their opinions (parents, wedding party, even folk like us on forums!)

Gadgetmaster

No need to pony up or cause a fuss. Just politely explain that if he wishes to change the original agreement , then you feel obliged to do the same, and wear an existing suit. If the groom expects you to wear a specific item, then he should be prepared to pay for it. I was an usher for my cousin, and he was more than happy for me to wear an existing suit.
When I selected my ushers, I certainly did not ask them to wear a specific item, or to fork out for any item that they did not already own. A true friend will be more than happy to accommodate you in this. If they are not happy with this, then it shows that they are not a true friend, in which case why worry about it?

Ianp2000

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Depends on the suit.

If it's something you will wear again (i.e. it's a regular suit, maybe a special waistcoat, but suitable for interviews, funerals etc) then I'd pay.

If it's something bespoke/unique that screams "mate's wedding" and would be relegated to the back of your wardrobe never to be seen again, I'd moan and then ask whether I can wear something more conventional.

Totally agree.