Attitude of OH to debt

Kantankrus_Mare

I think that's a bit harsh Jon!

I don't think anyone has insinuated on the thread that it's mostly men that can't get to grips with money management. We tend to be talking about men as that is what the OP is having problems with.

Anyone that has spent a fair amount of time on these boards will know that many women also have issues with money as the debt free board will testify!

ShiftThisDebt

Jon_B wrote: »

Is this thread for real? Some of the presumptuous attitudes to debt and gender are absolutely disgusting.

Debt has nothing to with being a man or a woman. You only have to look at each individual thread to see that it is a problem shared by either sex.

Men don't need mothering, or use pathetic phrases. Seriously. Have a word with yourselves.

Not just me then. Well said.

Pixie5740

Nobody has said that debt is a male problem. It's just that the majority of posters sharing their experiences on this thread are women with male oh's who are continuing to spend even though they're in debt. The reverse does happen as well.

People are just sharing how they cope with spendthrift partners whilst trying to tackle debts and often the one continuing to spend does end up being parented and giving pocket money whilst being kept away from the rest of the finances because they can't be trusted. It should have to be that way but sometimes it just is.

The "I think" and "I feel" thing does work pretty well. It stems from Jungian based preferences. Not all men are thinkers and not all women are feelers but if you find yourself saying, "I feel," and the other person isn't really taking in what you're saying switch to saying, "I think," instead and vice versa. It works surprisingly well.

If you have advice on how to deal with a spendthrift OH Jon B I'm sure the OP would like to hear it.

Jon_B_2

I suggest anybody who disagrees, reads back through the thread and put themselves in a male reader position. If you can't understand where I am coming from then I despair.

Sanctioned_Parts_List

Jon_B wrote: »

I suggest anybody who disagrees, reads back through the thread and put themselves in a male reader position. If you can't understand where I am coming from then I despair.

Since I am a male reader, that doesn't take too much effort.

It's a thread, started by a female, complaining about her husband. It's pretty obvious there'll be some male-bashing involved somewhere along the lines - be bloody strange if there wasn't! So reading this thread and complaining about the content is rather like visiting Lapland and complaining about the cold.

Jon_B_2

Sanctioned_Parts_List wrote: »

Since I am a male reader, that doesn't take too much effort.

It's a thread, started by a female, complaining about her husband. It's pretty obvious there'll be some male-bashing involved somewhere along the lines - be bloody strange if there wasn't! So reading this thread and complaining about the content is rather like visiting Lapland and complaining about the cold.

I don't accept that - purely because if the equivalent were to occur the other way round - it would evoke far more ire, more quickly.

Regardless this wasn't my point . My point was to illustrate that debt isn't something that should be associated with gender.

Pixie5740

Should I be offended about chester81's post regarding his wife's shopping? No, of course not. People are just sharing their experiences of dealing with a spendthrift OH as the OP wants advice on how to deal with hers.

How a male might read this could depend on whether he's the spendthrift or if he's the one having to do the parenting. Are you the spendthrift keeping your family in debt Jon B? Is that why this thread is touching a nerve?

Nobody has said debt is a male only problem.

Ellieseleven

I live with someone who is Male, so my experience is with that person. Debt is not associated with gender by any means and I don't think any of us are trying to insinuate that. Someone has already said that a lot of the posters on this thread are women and therefore are offering their own experience.


My partner is a spendthrift and has no intention of changing, regardless of his gender.


Ellie

blu3sky

I found that asking my OH what he wanted for the future (in our case saving for a deposit), really helped to make him think about the fact that our debt wasn't just going to disappear if he kept up spending on "little luxuries".

It's nice to frame a conversation about something exciting that you want to save for together, whether it's a dream holiday or a deposit or something else! Might make your OH feel less down about cutting down his spending if there's a reason for it rather than "because we should get out of debt".

Good luck :beer:

EssexHebridean

The day that this forum turns into a place where over-political-correctness gets in the way of people sharing experiences and offering advice and support off the back of those experiences, is the day Martin may as well close the doors for good, IMO. There are comments relating to both sides here that I have read - perhaps those who are huffing should go back and re-read? Pretty much without exception though, those posting on here have referred directly to their OWN, PERSONAL EXPERIENCE of a situation - so if it seems that Men are getting the rough of the deal perhaps that should tell us something?

It should also be noted that I seem to recall that more than 50% of regular forum users here are female - so it's probably inevitable that there will be a female bias when questions like the OP's come up.

Now - returning to the topic at hand....OP next time your OH wants to plan a holiday or a weekend away, can you simply ask him to show you where the money is coming from to pay for it. That 71% of income figure is also a good one which may scare him. More harshly, you may need to go down the route of removing his credit cards from his wallet and destroying them. We have income flowing into a joint account and then our personal money is automatically transferred out into our own accounts - this may be a route that would be helpful to you, but if so you need to ensure that the account with the income flowing in cannot be accessed by OH, I suspect.

For those living within their means, even in the South East, that income figure is a decent one. However, take into account that so many within that area live outside their means, taking on mortgages which stretch their finances to the limit and make no allowances for financial hiccups, and it can be a very different story.