Closest thing to "civil partnership" for couple who are not same-sex.

POPPYOSCAR

I completely understand how you feel.


I did not want to be 'married' but we felt we had to for legal and financial reasons.


Bit the bullet and booked the registry office. We had the first appointment of the day, took all of 15 mins, just our grown up children. Went to the pub for breakfast and then son and daughter went off to work.


We had a choice from 3 options of the words we spoke and we chose. "I know not of any impediment why I should not marry......" and "I ........ take ........ to be my lawful wife/husband" and that was it, over in a flash.


Nothing has changed, kept my name, and we do not feel any more 'married' than we did before but have the legal protection it affords us.


We have never even told anyone.

Person_one

HanSpan wrote: »

I understand that many people do not understand how I feel, and many many don't feel at all the same. I'm not trying to persuade anyone else that there is anything wrong with marriage. Each to their own as long as they are harming no-one else has always been my belief.

You are absolutely entitled to feel how you feel, of course!

The law just can't cater to every individuals every feeling and desire though! Things like legally binding contracts and formally recognised relationships have to be clear cut, really.

POPPYOSCAR

Carer wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel, the whole idea of marriage just makes me cringe and I'm female. Been with my (male) partner for over 25 years, have 3 children and 2 businesses and neither of us have ever wanted to get married.
We are eagerly waiting for the judicial review and hoping that we can finally make things legal.

Unfortunately, if anything had happened to either of us we would have suffered financially and legally so we could not take a chance and wait any longer.


I hope you are not in a similar position.

HanSpan

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you considered something like CBT to work out why you feel so negatively about a legal union and perhaps change your thinking on the matter?

Probably be a quicker result than waiting for a change in the law.

I know why I feel negative, I just struggle to explain to others who don't feel the same, and I don't feel negative about a legal union - just marriage!
If the review later this month (I didn't realise it was so soon) makes civil partnerships equally available to heterosexual couples I'll be signing up.

HanSpan

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I completely understand how you feel.


I did not want to be 'married' but we felt we had to for legal and financial reasons.


Bit the bullet and booked the registry office. We had the first appointment of the day, took all of 15 mins, just our grown up children. Went to the pub for breakfast and then son and daughter went off to work.


We had a choice from 3 options of the words we spoke and we chose. "I know not of any impediment why I should not marry......" and "I ........ take ........ to be my lawful wife/husband" and that was it, over in a flash.


Nothing has changed, kept my name, and we do not feel any more 'married' than we did before but have the legal protection it affords us.


We have never even told anyone.

You've let the cat out of the bag now
If I could lose the words wife/husband that would probably be enough that I could face doing the same. No kids so we'd just sneak off, although I do worry people would find out.
I'm wondering if we can get away with something other than wife/husband in the US.

Mojisola

HanSpan wrote: »

I know why I feel negative, I just struggle to explain to others who don't feel the same, and I don't feel negative about a legal union - just marriage!

But your feelings aren't rational - which wouldn't matter if they weren't stopping you from doing something that you want to do.

Not having that legal union could cause a lot of problems for you or your SO - it's worth exploring any avenue that will help you achieve what you want.

HanSpan

Person_one wrote: »

You are absolutely entitled to feel how you feel, of course!

The law just can't cater to every individuals every feeling and desire though! Things like legally binding contracts and formally recognised relationships have to be clear cut, really.

But civil partnerships are clear cut, available, and would suit me just fine, and as far as I can see wouldn't have any detrimental effect on anyone else that wants to get married. I genuinely can't understand why anyone has an objection to other people being allowed to have a civil partnership if they want one.
It seems on further investigation that there's lots of places in Europe that allow them (or similar) for both single sex and different sex couples, and that the UK is in fact the only country that allows them only for same sex couples.

Mojisola

HanSpan wrote: »

But civil partnerships are clear cut, available, and would suit me just fine, and as far as I can see wouldn't have any detrimental effect on anyone else that wants to get married. I genuinely can't understand why anyone has an objection to other people being allowed to have a civil partnership if they want one.

I don't have any objection to a civil partnership being available for everyone but there would have to be some differences between it and a marriage otherwise there wouldn't be any point in having two options.

It's unlikely that a CP would give more rights than a marriage so won't it be a second-best option?

Person_one

HanSpan wrote: »

But civil partnerships are clear cut, available, and would suit me just fine, and as far as I can see wouldn't have any detrimental effect on anyone else that wants to get married. I genuinely can't understand why anyone has an objection to other people being allowed to have a civil partnership if they want one.
It seems on further investigation that there's lots of places in Europe that allow them (or similar) for both single sex and different sex couples, and that the UK is in fact the only country that allows them only for same sex couples.

Would you really want a union that actually offers less financial and legal benefits just because you prefer the name?

The 'historical baggage' around CPs is no more pleasant than that around marriage. Does a background of homophobia and discrimination based on sexuality bother you any less than a background of sexism and discrimination based on gender?

At least marriage has had decades (actually, closer to centuries now!) of feminist and equality campaigning turning it into what is now an empowering and gender neutral option. Dresses and rings and all that are just decorations on what is fundamentally now a very good deal for most women, as you are clearly aware as you want that deal for yourself!

HanSpan

Mojisola wrote: »

But your feelings aren't rational - which wouldn't matter if they weren't stopping you from doing something that you want to do.

Not having that legal union could cause a lot of problems for you or your SO - it's worth exploring any avenue that will help you achieve what you want.

They don't seem rational to you, they seem perfectly rational to me!
If I were to die without us being legally bound he would be worse off than if I died and we were legally bound and vica versa, but its not such that either of us would be in real financial difficulty so its not urgent. If we were legal bound we could also get some tax advantages at the moment as I'm not working, but again its not like we are in financial trouble.
It is *really* irritating that we are treated as married for some things (for instance if I were to try to claim benefits of any sort) but not for others.
All this is why I am looking into the options.

I had thought maybe we could get a civil partnership equivalent elsewhere in Europe - but those are not available to non residents, and even if we could get round that they are then not recognised here.

Roll on the 20th as it looks like the juducial review is likely to go the way I would want. Fingers crossed.