Closest thing to "civil partnership" for couple who are not same-sex.

HanSpan

I understand that many people do not understand how I feel, and many many don't feel at all the same. I'm not trying to persuade anyone else that there is anything wrong with marriage. Each to their own as long as they are harming no-one else has always been my belief.

However the fact that other's don't feel the same isn't likely to change *my* feelings about not wanting to get married - feelings I have had for as long as I can remember.
Its not something I normally talk about unless someone asks, and its not been an issue for most of my life, but because of my father's death and my own redundancy the financial aspect is now an issue. I am trying to find a way to get the legal protections of a civil partnership with as few of the connotations associated with marriage as I can.
Its quite possible I will still find myself unable to go through with it. I can't help that I just feel really really uncomfortable about it.

Thanks for all the practical help.
My biggest hope is that juducial review decides to offer civil partnerships to heterosexual couples!
If not - for the sake of my SOs financial security I will look carefully at the other options people ahve suggested.
Scotland sounds like a better idea than England, although it would be tricky to do it on the quiet as the rellies up there would no doubt find out we were there and ask questions!
So I will have another look at New Orleans I think - I'm hoping the unreality of the place might make the whole thing so unreal that I can do it!

HanSpan

creased-leach wrote: »

It's about everything that I, my partner, and many many other people associate with that title. Its a principle. The majority of my LGBT friends have also signed that petition; they believe that we should be given the choice too, and don't feel that it any way belittles the struggle they've had.

In a totally unscientific round up of all the hetero weddings I've attended/encountered/stumbled upon over the last five years;

Most Women changed their surname
"". Brides wore white
"". Women were walked down an 'aisle' by their father/father figure

An individual wedding can be made less so; but the whole institution is still tightly bound with traditions I'm not comfortable with.
Those of you who can disassociate it; I'm genuinely happy for you. I, and many others, can't.

Exactly.
I haven't been to a wedding where someone actually said "who gives this woman" for 20 years, but I can't think of a single one I have been in those 20 years where the woman didn't wear white, get physically given away by a man and change her name - even those at a regustry office or other non-religios location.

HanSpan

nearlyrich wrote: »

We married in New Orleans there is no mention of father's name on the cert however they did put my maiden name and my previous married name on...
We had a very simple ceremony with just us the judge and 2 of his staff as witnesses. We went in the morning and booked the wedding and after sorting out the paperwork we went back to the chambers and got married. Having organized a UK church wedding with my DD it was very different.

If you have any details of the words/place/rules would you be willing to pass them on? Feel free to message me privately.
Thanks

HanSpan

missbiggles1 wrote: »

The number of couples having a civil partnership dropped by 70% after same sex marriages became legal in 2014 - they may well not be available to anybody in the future.

As I've already said - I certainly hope not.
In France the number and percentage of hetersexual couples opting for what they call a "civil solidarity pact) seems to be ever increasing:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_solidarity_pact

onlyroz

HanSpan wrote: »

Exactly.
I haven't been to a wedding where someone actually said "who gives this woman" for 20 years, but I can't think of a single one I have been in those 20 years where the woman didn't wear white, get physically given away by a man and change her name - even those at a regustry office or other non-religios location.

Only one out of three for me - I did change my name, but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have.

Mojisola

HanSpan wrote: »

I understand that many people do not understand how I feel, and many many don't feel at all the same. I'm not trying to persuade anyone else that there is anything wrong with marriage. Each to their own as long as they are harming no-one else has always been my belief.

However the fact that other's don't feel the same isn't likely to change *my* feelings about not wanting to get married - feelings I have had for as long as I can remember.
Its not something I normally talk about unless someone asks, and its not been an issue for most of my life, but because of my father's death and my own redundancy the financial aspect is now an issue. I am trying to find a way to get the legal protections of a civil partnership with as few of the connotations associated with marriage as I can.
Its quite possible I will still find myself unable to go through with it. I can't help that I just feel really really uncomfortable about it.

But if all you do is turn up at the RO, say there's no reason why you shouldn't get married, that you do want to marry the person with you, sign the register without putting your father's name and don't tell anyone that you have got married, what impact do these 'connotations' have on your life?

HanSpan

onlyroz wrote: »

Y
Just because an institution is associated with certain things in its past, it doesn't mean that the whole thing should be scrapped. It's great that things like the concept of marriage evolves with the times. What you're saying is akin to saying "I don't want to be British because the British Empire used to endorse slavery".

It really isn't the same though. Slavery is illegal so being British today is not associated with slavery now. The traditions that denote a woman as second class in a marriage are not illegal, not banned, not even out of fashion so marriage is still very much associated with them all.

HanSpan

Mojisola wrote: »

But if all you do is turn up at the RO, say there's no reason why you shouldn't get married, that you do want to marry the person with you, sign the register without putting your father's name and don't tell anyone that you have got married, what impact do these 'connotations' have on your life?

I really don't know how to explain it, I can't think of a suitable analogy, but they affect how I feel. I still be a "wife", with a "husband" and that is something that makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Carer

I know exactly how you feel, the whole idea of marriage just makes me cringe and I'm female. Been with my (male) partner for over 25 years, have 3 children and 2 businesses and neither of us have ever wanted to get married.
We are eagerly waiting for the judicial review and hoping that we can finally make things legal.

Mojisola

HanSpan wrote: »

I really don't know how to explain it, I can't think of a suitable analogy, but they affect how I feel. I still be a "wife", with a "husband" and that is something that makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Have you considered something like CBT to work out why you feel so negatively about a legal union and perhaps change your thinking on the matter?

Probably be a quicker result than waiting for a change in the law.