Girlfriend's pregnant...

Poppie68

JencParker wrote: »

Really? So why would this question be asked by the OP?


S"o if I'm not living with her then technically she's a single parent ?:S even if I'm around?"

I think whitewing's advice is the best. If they are not living together now, they need to find a place where they can so they can provide a home for their new addition.

Do you know what he means by that statement or are you just guessing? Married couples can also be seen as single under certain circumstances and for certain benefits...

Poppie68

bobbymotors wrote: »

But they've had the chance to prove they are responsible adults and are now expecting an unplanned baby...when the pill, condoms, etc are freely available.

So.. not all that responsible then after all.

As stated, do whatever you want with your own money, but please don't spend mine, I'll do that thanks

How do you know contraception wasn't used? Contraception can and does fail....many responsible people have fallen prey to its failures..

I'm sure you get 'your money' back tenfold throughout your lifetime,I'm not spending your money, that's all down to the government.

marksoton

Poppie68 wrote: »

How is it clear this couple want to place the system?... he was only asking for advice on housing he never mentioned benefits, again another assumption without basis.

Logically disproved???? All I see is a thread based on total assumptions, by all of us.

Read the original post.

marksoton

melanzana wrote: »

It's not the first time, nor will it be the last that something like this has happened to a couple. Many surmount it. I think this couple will too. I wish them the best of luck.

No it isn't.

But you base that claim on what? Jedi powers ?... Seriously grow up.

This isn't monopoly money being played with. For every pound spent on this spurious couple my daughter gets one less pound spent on her.

Does that annoy me? You bet it bloody does....

melanzana

marksoton wrote: »

No it isn't.

But you base that claim on what? Jedi powers ?... Seriously grow up.

This isn't monopoly money being played with. For every pound spent on this spurious couple my daughter gets one less pound spent on her.

Does that annoy me? You bet it bloody does....

Sorry if I offended your sensibilities.

Life sucks. But it ain't my fault. Talk to your MP.

marksoton

melanzana wrote: »

Sorry if I offended your sensibilities.

Life sucks. But it ain't my fault. Talk to your MP.

Not at all. You crack on.

But let's have it the way it is.

This is BS, and it's revelled how pathetically weak some ideologies are on here.

If it's real i hope there is policy change.

And no, i don't apologise for that viewpoint.

JencParker

Poppie68 wrote: »

How is it clear this couple want to place the system?... he was only asking for advice on housing he never mentioned benefits, again another assumption without basis.

Logically disproved???? All I see is a thread based on total assumptions, by all of us.

He asked whether she would be considered a single parent or not.... why would he ask that if he did not think there would be some benefit in it? And clearly you haven't read the posts - benefits were asked about.

hign10pines

Lets home the OP's GF carries on with education but it doesn't sound like a nice home she grew up in.

My sister got pregnant at 17 & had the child at 18. She now has 4 kids, owns 2 houses and went to university.

Just a shame so many young see it as a went into benefits & to never work.

padington

Dird wrote: »

The bible says women should cover their hair or shave it f*cking off. Then again half the bible is plagiarised from the Torah

In a world of no nit or lice lotion available at the chemist, this was probably very sensible advice.

Men probably got the bum deal.

Regarding the issue at hand, it's no wonder she wants to keep it, if it will replace a family she feels she lacks and supports her with her housing situation & will feel the right thing to do naturally.

I would be tempted to try to provide her these emotional and physical needs so she doesn't feel the need to force the issue by having a child at such a young age.

If you do decide to both keep the child, it will cost you a fortune if she lets the state know you are the father ( which she can do at any time ) and you continue to work. That is the reality of the situation but that would be the best for all of you to man up and become the bread winner.

Alternatively if you don't let the state know or decide to take up a life on the doll, it will cost all of us a small fortune ( but hopefully make more in tax one day as long as it gets taught the importance of rewarding work and education - not something that can be achieved with mum and dad on the doll however).

She should be a prime candidate for a council house but don't guarantee on that, the conservatives have changed the game quite significantly. You might find a private landlord is the solution the state offers in a dingy buy to let flat.

If there are any landlords left willing to do the job for little return that is now the tax changes have made it fairly unprofitable to manage buy to let property.

Either way, if you do decide to support her like you should if you want to keep it, make sure you move in together and make sure you are committed to this for the rest of your life. It could be great, key thing is you like her and you think she will make a good member of your new team.

I suggest having a chat with your doctor on your own and asking to be signposted to an organsition that could offer you even more help and advice. She will be categorised as a 'vulnerable' person and both of you as a family should be able to access a free support worker ( who should be friendly, educated and supportive of your needs) whilst you find your feat as long as your local authority has budgeted correctly.

If both of you have healthy genetic histories, you have a great chance of having a healthy baby at your age which actually puts you at an advantage of many older people who leave this decision too late.

Whatever you chose to do, focus on being true to your feelings and articulating them openly and honestly and you will put yourself in a better position in the long term.

Ps if you do have the child and whilst pregnant or when the child is young she says a ton of negative things now and again, consider that it might be her hormones being extra sensitive to real problems, your job (on top of the day job) is to make sure there is nothing negative she can dwell on and never dump petrol on the fire by joining in with a ton of negativity yourself, believe me, it never helps.

duchy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Having an unplanned pregnancy at the age of 17, when unemployed and not even living with the father, isn't a good predictor of great role model potential in the future.

You lot are making me laugh.

A 17 year old getting pregnant out of wedlock with her 21 year old steady boyfriend is hardly a new situation.

It happened in the 60s, the 70s , 80s and so on.

Free contraception has been available since the 70s

In the 70s there was more pressure to get married before the child was born -however that doesn't mean couples stayed together any more or less than today.

Moaning on a 17 year old is not working is a bit silly when our young people are expected to stay in education until 18

The OP asks some sensible questions -like will she be a higher priority for housing with a single application rather than a joint one but that got lost in the sanctimonious twaddle and assumptions about this couple posted by some who for all we know are products of parents who were in the exact same situation but had a shotgun wedding..

The OP is taking responsibility - It's not a great situation but he appears to be manning up- and not trying to dodge his responsibilities as some 21 year olds would try to do. It can't be easy especially as the girl has little family support from her own mother it seems.

If we continue to tell our young people they are !!!!less and undermine them even when they try to do the right thing then its hardly surprising when they accept our view of them and stop trying..