Girlfriend's pregnant...

FBaby

Having an unplanned pregnancy at the age of 17, when unemployed and not even living with the father, isn't a good predictor of great role model potential in the future.

Totally disagree. My friend would really laugh at this. Got pregnant at 17 too, because she was naive and had only started to be intimate with her boyfriend, who dump her when she said she couldn't go ahead with an abortion (raised very catholic). She finished her A levels with top grades, went on to Uni, and when I met her, she was studying for a Masters in Maths. She has been an amazing and inspirational mum. Her daughter is now 19, at Uni herself and working part-time.

Sadly (or not depending on opinion) age is not so much a factor when it comes to the ability to be a good parent compared to social background. Research have shown that mother's level of education is the main factor influencing children's success at school.

We have no idea of the situation here. It might be that the girl was brought up in a life of benefits and only aspires to be a single mum and claim all benefits available, lying to OP about her being on the pill. Or she could be a naive girl, who got pregnant the first time she was intimate, who is very mature and driven and for whom motherhood will come totally naturally.

emmsie123

Its not just the girls fault shes pregnant. Op could have used a condom.
Your all forgetting that she can only stay on income support till child is 5 and the government aren't paying for more than two children on tax credits from next year.
She also wont get housed till baby is born and there is a long wait.

missbiggles1

hign10pines wrote: »

Lets home the OP's GF carries on with education but it doesn't sound like a nice home she grew up in.

My sister got pregnant at 17 & had the child at 18. She now has 4 kids, owns 2 houses and went to university.

Just a shame so many young see it as a went into benefits & to never work.

He doesn't mention education in his posts and, from what he has said, it sounds as if she's a NEET.

missbiggles1

emmsie123 wrote: »

Its not just the girls fault shes pregnant. Op could have used a condom.
Your all forgetting that she can only stay on income support till child is 5 and the government aren't paying for more than two children on tax credits from next year.
She also wont get housed till baby is born and there is a long wait.

At which point you simply switch to JSA (unless you have another baby;))

Jhoney_2

restless6 wrote: »

If she is a single parent, you will have to pay child support.
If you stay with her, you will support her and the baby.

tax credits and child benefit are the main areas you need to research.

If she has a room at a family members house, she will not be a priority for social housing, whether she likes the room or not is irrelavant.

I think the OP meant the grandmother was adamant that it was not going to be a permanent arrangement, not OP's girlfriend.

OP, why is there no room at your mother's place with you? The baby is yours and therefore your mother's grandchild - presumably the pregnancy began in that very place. Why the lack of hospitality/accommodation now?

Her parents sound disappointed and unable to accept her decision to keep the baby as they may feel that her future (or what they want for her future) will be scuppered if she goes through with the baby.

They are perhaps doubtful that the relationship will last throughout the child's infancy and that she will literally be left holding the baby.

Do you have a relationship with them? Can you speak to them and allay their concerns for their daughter? Show them your commitment, love and support for your gf and perhaps they will come around help you and her find your feet sooner than later.

I wish you both well, but this is one of the big differences between family planning and sex. It could work out, but you are going to have to put in the effort to get there. I hope you will.

SnooksNJ

Person_one wrote: »

Yes, you're right, the children of single mothers never achieve anything, certainly not if their mums were teenagers when they had them!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama

True, he did give the OK to kill Osama Bin Laden and raised everyone's health insurance premiums.
Anyway, Obama's Maternal Grandparents were a strong presence in his life while his parents went off and did their own thing.

Rosemary7391

I feel for the OP - he sounds pretty clueless about how the world works, and instead of advice for his current situation he's got a lot of irrelevant advice about the situation he's no longer in...

OP, if you're still there, you could have a look at rightmove or zoopla for private flats to rent in your area. See how much they are - you might well be able to afford one, and even a reasonably sized 1 bed flat would do for awhile with a baby. I'm sure if you post your income on the debt free wannabee board they'll be able to help you work out a budget and make your money go further. Wander into an estate agents before/after work one day and chat to them - ask if you would need a guarantor, what fees will you need to save up etc. Then you'll have the information you need to start putting a plan together. Good luck

moneyistooshorttomention

Jhoney wrote: »

OP, why is there no room at your mother's place with you? The baby is yours and therefore your mother's grandchild - presumably the pregnancy began in that very place. Why the lack of hospitality/accommodation now?

It's not fair for OPs parents to suffer the consequences of this girls decisions (or lack of.....). Her actions would then be knocking back onto THEIR lives too.

Whilst they may well want grandchildren - they are probably thinking of in rather better circumstances than this and certainly not living under their roof. Its rather irrelevant as to whether they would or wouldn't do so anyway - as I seem to recall OP saying they don't have the room for her and her child anyway.

Jhoney_2

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

It's not fair for OPs parents to suffer the consequences of this girls decisions (or lack of.....). Her actions would then be knocking back onto THEIR lives too.

Whilst they may well want grandchildren - they are probably thinking of in rather better circumstances than this and certainly not living under their roof. Its rather irrelevant as to whether they would or wouldn't do so anyway - as I seem to recall OP saying they don't have the room for her and her child anyway.

And what about his decisions?

People have enquired/been critical of her parent(s) and so I mentioned some of their possible concerns for OP to consider.

Conversely, noone has enquired/been critical of his parent(s) and thus I mentioned some possible solutions there.

As for the highlighted part, you presumably mean their child no? or did she fall on him at an opportune moment to make herself pregnant - the title should read One NEET Trick!

Anyway, I digress. It's not 'fair' on either parents but it was not their choice to have sex and it is not their choice whether she keeps their baby.

However, between both parents, it may be that a support network can evolve to assist them and all avenues should be explored.

This young lady running around friends sofas should not be allowed to continue. It's not a crime and they are the grandparents fgs.

Bastiat

Celifein wrote: »

There are very few 100% effective methods of contraception: never having sex, hysterectomy, removal of the male or female gonads.

Assuming the child was not produced via parthenogenesis, the young man has made a choice. No-one has taken has taken his choice away. If you're not ready to be parent, then you're not ready to be having sex.

This is such a ridiculous post. The condom is 98% effective, the pill 99%. Combine both and you'll have more chance of getting run over by a truck.