Frump to Fab 2016 - Lets make it AWESOME!!!

lessonlearned

:rotfl::rotfl:

Yes it will no doubt be "no way Jose"

Well after everything everyone has done for him, doctors ,nurses, carers, family ..... today he was absolutely vile. I know he's scared but honestly he is just so obnoxious. The world revolves around him. He was so rude to the medics, so ungrateful and critical of them but tbh they have been wonderful. It's not their fault there's no miracle cure for aging.

He's 90. You think he would be grateful for a long and happy life.....not a bit of it.

Mum was in great pain but never So much as a murmur, always sweet and gracious. My husband bore his illness with charm, courage and dignity but my father just wallows in self pity and then makes everyone's life a misery.

I know I sound horrible but there are times........:mad:

When he started moaning about having spent 4days in hospital I had to walk away. My poor husband spend Four months.........

Rant over........:o

Floss

lessonlearned wrote: »

...Mum was in great pain but never So much as a murmur, always sweet and gracious. My husband bore his illness with charm, courage and dignity but my father just wallows in self pity and then makes everyone's life a misery.

I know I sound horrible but there are times........:mad:

When he started moaning about having spent 4days in hospital I had to walk away. My poor husband spend Four months...

Oh LL! How long was your beloved DH in ill health overall? I can appreciate older peoples' self-centeredness, my in-laws both forgot mine and my DH's (their son!) 50th birthdays and didn't acknowledge them until shortly before DMiL died last year.

lessonlearned

My husband was ill for 9 years. The first couple of years weren't too bad. He spent the last two and half years in a nursing home. He was 57 when he died.

I am so upset tonight......I am crying as I write. I just feel so low. It's bought all the painful memories flooding back. This is the problem, my father just shouts off his mouth with never a thought for anyone else's feelings.

I am not going to see him tomorrow. I'm going to have a day off. I know it sounds harsh but it's a self preservation thing. There are times when I just have to keep my distance.

He has been offered the chance of bi weekly transfusions, more if necessary as required, rather Than having to take chemo pills. How lucky is he. What does he do.......he rolls his eyes at the consultant and curls his lip in contempt because they can't cure him.

What a fabulous country we live in, where you can be offered choices like that, where they do everything they can to keep you comfortable and give you a few extra months of quality life.

Today he was moaning at "having to have transfusions".

I just snapped and said "you do not have to have anything, you can say no"

That went down well.........:rotfl:

Sorry to be such a bore.....thanks for "listening"

maman

You rant all you like LL .
It's difficult to be sympathetic towards your dad as this sort of behaviour sounds pretty true to form. I'm sure his diagnosis is scary for him but, as you said, he's been offered treatment choices. It's very likely his leukaemia can be managed as cancer is rarely aggressive in elderly people compared with youngsters especially children. I had two aunts who had breast cancer diagnosed in later life who both died of old age eventually.

I don't think you're mean having a day to yourself tomorrow. You've barely recovered yourself since your accident.

Try to relax this evening. Rubbish TV and a glass of wine can work!:D
P.S. Make that several glasses!

Floss

LL please consider this as a safe place to let out your words

chanie

ll sending you hugs. I think you are right to not visit your dad for a day or two. Take the opportunity to look after yourself and rebuild your emotional resilience.

Angry_Bear

I always lurk much more than I write, but I had to post to say ((hugs)) lessonlearned. It's so hard some times as you feel terrible being unkind about someone who is ill and old, but being ill and old doesn't stop someone being an a$$hole!
Feel free to get what you need to off your chest here!

Ellsbel

Maman is right, LL - wine and rubbish TV can be wry therapeutic and I hope you've managed to have some of both this evening.
Stepping away for a day or two for self preservation is a good idea, and totally understandable - you need to look after YOU... and feel free to rant whenever you want.

greenbee

LL - if your dad hasn't always been like this bear in mind that toxins produced by the cancer can cause personality changes, often well before diagnosis. We noticed my dad starting to change and be less considerate and empathetic about 3 years ago but he only got his diagnosis in January. The consultant told us the change and rapid aging were probably the cancer. And having seen him age over the last year, weeks and now days I can well believe it. Thankfully he now appears to be calm and at peace. He's very weak, and we know we only have a few days left. We're currently torn between not wanting to let go and not wanting him to suffer any longer.

lessonlearned

Greenbee - regrettably dad has always been an a**hole as Angry Bear put it so eloquently. AB you did make me laugh out loud at that one.....so thanks for that. I am afraid he's always been an extremely difficult and rather selfish man. My poor mother was either a Saint or a masochist.

If his behaviour was an aberration due to illness or age I could cope, I would be able to empathise and understand. Sadly his behaviour is as it has always been. The sad truth is if he wasnt my father I would have walked out of his life years ago, but I feel I have to try and do the right thing, if only for mums sake and to help my sister.

It's true what they say, you can choose your friends.......

Greenbee - I'm sorry your dad is so poorly, I hope all goes as well as can be and that you can all make the most of the last precious time you have together.

My DS2 has been wonderful, very loving and supportive. He was with me yesterday so saw how badly his grandfather behaved and realised how upset I was. Even the cat sensed I was upset and he plonked himself on my knee all evening and insisted on sleeping on my bed.

Yes I took your advice. I watched the "Italian Job". The 60,s original and indulged in some chocolate......:rotfl:

I do feel brighter this morning but I'm definitely going to have some "me" time. I need to go food shopping, so I might have a little browse round Sainsbury's and see if I can find some jeans or everyday trousers. I would like some charcoal grey if I can find any.

Thank you for lettiing me rant.........it's nice to have a "safe place" where we can let off steam.

This thread has been such a lifeline for me.......all through the dark years of my husband's illness and death .......

Thank you ladies.....I really appreciate your kindness and understanding.

You really are a FAB lot.:rotfl: bless you all.