Following another night of purgatory feeling sick about MY debt..

Cat_girl_2

Well, morning to everyone and anyone on this fantastic site that reads my diary today.
Firstly to the people that set up and run this site thank you...to allthose getting help and support Happy new year in advance.
This story my take a while to tell but I need to finally: unburden myself/ see if I can get any advice along the way / have a way of keeping myself in check over the next what could be up to 5-6 years:(:(:eek::eek:
1: A bit about myself.
I have had a few diaries on here previously but I managed not to keep them going and delude myself into thinking everything was fine (over and over again).
I was 50 in November, spent much of my younger years bringing up a daughter and have always worked, I have been in financial difficulty before due to redundancy etc but managed over the years to claw my way back into the black and buy my own house. 6 years ago I married a wonderful man whom I met at work who is an ex bank manager turned teacher and is very savvy when it comes to finances. We bought a property together and I invested all I had. (£25K) into a joint mortgage and moved house.
Our finances have always been separate and still are apart from the house so we are financially linked.
Husband knows nothing about my debts at the moment and it will stay that way until I have made some inroads into my debt and have the courage to tell him.
I started taking antidepressants when we moved house due too struggling with coping at work and an anxiety disorder. Further to this I have recently realised I probably have a neurodevelopmental disorder which I will ask to be tested for in the new year (Asperger's syndrome). Oh, I just realised that I have not yet said how much I owe ....
Circa £28000 On top of this I have a further £11000 in my name on a credit card for spending my daughter owes. I have stupidly bailed her out on numerous occasions.

2: my earnings. I have a good and responsible job and earn almost £30k a year plus I am given money every month by my OH to put towards the bills I pay. I am hoping to get a regular monthly payment from my DD to pay off her debts.
She has a good job but has recently moved out, a fact of which I am glad as I now have some peace and quiet.

3: How did I manage to get where I am in this disgustingly awful predicament???
Did some one force it upon me? No , did it accrue helping make ends meet ..No.
Basically I have had. What I now believe to be some sort of mental situation where spending on credit cards, keeping up with the joneses and simply not paying enough off my cards has led me to be in a situation entirely of my own making.:mad::mad::mad:

4: I am at a point where I can't get another balance transfer to move my credit card debt around although I do have some credit left on one card. Another card has cut my available credit by half so the transfer / move around / stooge I planned on doing is now out of the question. I Have a personal loan which I am paying down (£7000) paid since last year.

I feel ashamed, sick, panicky, worried, hate myself one moment and delude myself the next moment.

Anyways fact of the matter is I need this diary to keep myself in check. Need a plan of action, and find ways of getting out of this self made , self inflicted hole. The money I have lent my DD is also my own fault as I should have said no...

My debts are as follows :
MBNA -£9050
First Direct CC - £4099
Tesco - £7200
Barclaycard - £5800
First direct loan - £10980

These are approximations at the moment- I will publish the exact figures after NYD.
I have zero % offers due to run out in six months on 2 of the cards and one am paying 9% for the life of the balance. The other runs out in 13 months time or thereabouts.
I have set myself a goal to pay £11000 in the next 12 months but know tackling this means this will need to continue for the next probably 48 months at least as I am going to have interest accruing eventually on the credit cards. I will use the snowball method of payment but may need some advice from someone- anyone on here on which to tackle first due to the varying degrees of interest I will have accruing.

Thanks for anyone who has taken the time to read this. This will be an ongoing saga and I am determined to overcome the debt. By the way I start counselling for my 'issues in the new year' no one knows about this other than people reading this so its a big deal for me..
Thanks all and a Happy 2016 to you all x

bedhair

I hope that 2016 is a new start for you. Good luck on your journey. I too hope to pay off around £10000 by the end of the year so I will follow your diary with great interest - perhaps we can spur each other on. I will start my diary on NYD.

Cat_girl_2

Hi Bed hair. I feel better already knowing that I am not alone and will await a read of your diary...
Mutual support is the way forward here definitely!!!
Happy new year and may we both be successful in our endeavours ��������

Doris17

Good luck on you journey Cat girl.
I know only to well those nights spent worrying. My debt is around 18,000 and Mr D does not know
Will follow with interest and encouragement .xx

Cat_girl_2

Hi Doris..
It's awful isn't it but I want to have a good go at getting rid of this myself as he will worry and feel obliged to view it as a joint thing. I have 24 months before our fixed rate mortgage runs out so my aim is to get rid of as much as possible for then and tell him if I need to.
In the meantime I will stop spending and start paying back what I owe.
I realise I have a serious problem and need to sort it.
Good luck to you too Doris :T

Eager_Elephant

Hi cat girl,


Welcome to MSE!!


I was just looking at the new diaries started today and saw yours - do you have cats??


I am a cat lover and have 4 (plus 1 dog and numerous chickens, turkeys and geese!!)


Well done for starting a diary - hopefully you feel much better getting it all out in the open.


I don't think you have done anything different to what most parents would do for their children - hopefully your DD will have learnt a lesson and can now start paying back the money she owes you.


Have you completed a financial statement/budget so you know how much you are spending on things and how much you have left to pay to your debts?


You don't have to post the FS up on your diary but sometimes people find it helps to have other view points?


Once you have posted your actual debt totals and the APR's I will see if I can help with what should be paid off.

Cat_girl_2

I feel so much better having heard from such helpful people and am going to put a signature on with my exact situation, how much and what the interest rates are. I will also do a financial statement over the coming weekend. The advice I get will determine how I proceed.

I need to make sure I update on here regularly as this will motivate me.

Happy new year all xxx

Cat_girl_2

Ps , yes I love cats but only have one atm...I have a dog as well. My cats a ragamuffin !! He's my baby...

Bobarella

Good luck getting straight again Cat Girl. I believe anything is possible if you just keep setting tiny goals and don't look at the whole project at once.

12_month_challenge

Hi Cat girl and let me assure you, you have come to right place.

I too am in a situation where lots of budgeting,discipline and hard work are needed.

I finally had my Light Bulb Moment in August of this year and plucked up the courage to ask the lovely people on here for advice. I have never looked back. :T

The honest,non judgemental advice and support I received is worth its weight in gold.

I have been using the snowball method since August and have paid back over £4,000 so far :j

Hand on heart I can honestly say I thought I was a lost cause but look at my signature on how far I have come. I still have a long way to go but I know I will get there.. Small steps and small targets will get me to my Debt Free Day one day.

With planning,budgeting and not using CCs will see you decrease your debt also.
Could you sit with your DD and arrange a repayment plan for her to help you pay off the CC ?

My DS would often ask me to pay his phone bill on my CC till he got paid. (without OH knowing) Although he repaid I just kept the cash in my purse and dwindled it away. Eventually I told him that I needed to pay them off and would not be using them any more.
He hasn't asked me since

I will subscribe to your diary and spur you on. We can debt free journey together

Please keep posting even if its just for a moan. It really will help.
I tend to ramble on about nothing in my diary but it really helps.

Good luck
12MC
x

Saver-upper

Hi Cat girl,
It sounds like you have been through alot.I have never been in debt (apart from our mortgage),but I follow these diaries,and it amazes me the strength and determination that people can find when they are fighting the debts.I hope you will let me follow you,and cheer you on.
I know you say you don't want your hubby to know about your debts,but that must be very stressful for you-is it worth having a talk to him,even in general terms?
I look forward to supporting you as much as we can.There are lots of fantastic people around here who will love to help you out.
Good luck xx