Mooloo's little tapestry of life, 2016

Savvy_sewing

I agree that they will never learn if I keep helping. The problem is they didn't learn when I stepped away and DS is a skeleton and too malnurished to have any energy to do much at all. I gave him a sausage roll the other evening, when I went around and yesterday his system was up the spout, as he's not been eating.
They had no clean clothes, because they had no money to buy the washing powder.
They had only the babies food. ( at least they had that!)
Dolly daydream is a depressive, and was a self harmer when I met her. She is on the Sick, at the moment, although of course that should not stop her from keeping house!
DS is a lazy so and so, but he is the one who is doing everything for the baby. He doesn't want his Mum he wants his Dad.
I fear for them to be honest.
Yesterday the house was in a much worse state then the twins were when DGD was taken off her Mum and The boys theirs.
I think my son had thought he could make it work, and didn't want to come to me after I'd told him no before. But he probably would actually die if he doesn't sort his health, and that would not help the baby.
I will be going over and interfering every time I go see my Mum, and hopefully they will get the message.
I will also have to call the Social Services my self if I think that DGS 3 has been put at any further risk than the mess.
DS is under instructions that this is a life game changer, and he has no more chances. I can't take on another baby.
I'm busy at work, although today was a bitty day, and I didn't get much written up on my board.
I think that it just goes that way sometimes.
Tonight I'm teaching so I left at 4.45 to collect DGD and come home.
I didn't get around to washing up etc this morning, and hadn't done it last night, so I came home to the dishes. Washed up, hung the washing out, put a load on and took my tea out into the garden to drink and write this.

I will have to stay positive, think of things I can do to motivate DS and get his health sorted out. A few decent meals for a start.
Perhaps I will have to give them an idiots guide to life!
Crib sheets, menu plans, shopping lists, todo lists!
Who knows?
The bike is broken and has been here in my garden for a year. He had an accident and never went back on it. But I can't see any way we could afford a car, or insurance for him etc. Certainly out of my league at the moment.
Basically I have done this very reluctantly, and fear the worst, but must hope for the best. Maybe he will have a lightbulb moment.
I have no hope for Dolly Daydream at all. Her mother threw her out for a reason!

Toomuchdebt

I don't think anyone has ever been so lazy that they didn't eat. Unless drugs are involved then people just don't go round starving themselves. I appreciate there's not much money coming in but I'm on ESA myself and we are not short of food here.It sounds like they both need specialist help-they certainly don't sound mature enough to look after a baby, indeed from what you've written I'd be very worried about a baby in that house. The mother definitely needs help-if the house is that bad, how bad will it be when the baby is crawling/walking/picking things up off the floor and getting ill? Clothes can be washed in just water if necessary in a machine. Or with soap in the sink.
How old is your ds again?

Eager_Elephant

((Mooloo))


Next time this happens just remember that the bailiffs cannot take what they haven't got - they might threaten all sorts but rarely follow through especially if it is clear they have nothing.


The only bailiffs to be concerned about are ones who are collecting Magistrates Court Fines as they can force doors (with a locksmith) but too be fair if there is nothing worth taking then it is best to let them in and if you can't pay they will return to court for a means hearing and if the judge thinks they can't afford to pay the fine it can get wiped.


It's such a shame that DS seems to have to do everything - I had high hopes that his life might get on the straight and narrow. I agree with someone above, can you refer them for support to help with maintaining a tenancy etc?


Is DS' girlfriend actually depressed or does she just say she is? I'm just wondering what support she has in place in terms of counselling and even medication etc.


How does she get on with the baby when DS is at work?

Savvy_sewing

Ds has not been eating as there was no money for the food while they were trying to pay the debts. As said spinning plates, or juggled balls all fall eventually.
The Baliff were sent from the court, I believe.
The baby is already a toddler, he's 18months old.
I will be going back after work tomorrow and re assess the mess. If there is no difference then I will call the authority myself.
I didn't know it was as bad ( still), since April I'd not been. I knew Biggest of Mooloo's had been and cleaned up then. I didn't know it was back to square one.
I'm angry with both of them.
I'm disgusted with my Son for letting it get so bad.
I'm angry with myself for not visiting and letting them get on with it. They obviously can't.
I am doing what I can to point them in the right direction, and expect some results but probably not brilliant ones over night.

elisamoose

I think a call to children's social car is needed.They will be able to contact health visitor and other agencies and do what is called here an early help assessment ( it is to help those who don't meet social care thresholds but still need support)

whiteguineapig

please please don't blame yourself , you have done all you can (how could you do more??)

Savvy_sewing

whiteguineapig wrote: »

please please don't blame yourself , you have done all you can (how could you do more??)

I think that I abandoned them at Easter, I walked away, and I suppose I thought that they would grow up, get sorted, etc
Maybe because the twins seem to have settled into some sort of existence and moved away, I thought that my worries were more of my own making rather than of actual circumstance. However I also thought Biggest of Mooloo's was more intouch with them, but she no longer seems to be her own little Dynamo on the case.
I feel that I should be doing more in most aspects of my home life. I don't ever feel organised enough, have enough energy to, or very inclined to do things after I've been to work.
I feel that once I get home, getting tea and then sorting DGD is enough. I sit in my chair exhausted.
I know staff at 69 has more get up and go than I do!
However I suppose I must remind myself of how much I have improved since I was ill 7 years ago. 6 years ago when I moved into this house ( in the December anyway), I needed a walking stick, struggled to walk a few hundred feet, and was taking 30 odd tablets a day. Now I can walk to work, go up and down the stairs all day, and only take 2 tablets. Neither related to those days.
Although my left arm doesn't like some things, I push through. Being left handed predominantly, I have too.
Brushing DGDs long hair is my morning killer.
Dropping things happens too often, and my toes know it!! There is definitely feeling back as I stub my toes too often and it hurts!

But I want to do more. I want to be organised, I want to be good at the housework, the gardening, and better st cooking from scratch again, and feel I should be able to do it after work, but in reality I just don't have the oomph to!

pollyanna_26

Mooloo I am so sorry you are blaming yourself for everything . You have to try and shift that mindset . You have done far more than is really humanly possible . There is only one of you and I want you to remember there is no such thing as superwoman !
I hope you will consider getting some outside support in for them . It sounds as though Dolly D needs to learn basic living skills . There are trained professionals who are paid to do the job , they are detached emotionally from the situation and can usually relax when the working day is over . You are non-stop from morning to night and you really can't take this one on again .
Take care polly x

Savvy_sewing

Had a quiet day in the shop for sales and jobs in, but a productive one for sewing. Although the big curtain order is now on hold as the woman thinks it's too much money. She was happy with the first lot, and these are priced on the same scale, so I'm a little surprised she thinks that. But as I said yo staff today, I've never been without work since I opened 2 years ago, so I'm not worried if she changes her mind. I hope she doesn't, but I will still have work coming in.
I've been playing around on facts and figures and dreams this evening. Brought on by Biggest of Mooloo's showing me empty shops in her town.
Maybe next year.

Savvy_sewing

I'm off to bed. Early start tomorrow as I'm making sure DS gets to his job.
Ready for 7.30am
I'm usually up for around 6-to 6.30 during the week so Saturday won't be too hard.