Have they been unreasonable?

duchy

If my in-laws didn't want my Mum at their home - that'd be their absolute right to decide that. Their home after all -however -the consequence would be I wouldn't want to visit them - My husband can visit them if he pleases but if my Mum isn't good enough for them then neither am I and I'll not encourage contact between people who exclude my Mum and my children.

Jagraf

My fil died two years ago so my mil comes with us everywhere we go Christmas Day. My brothers, my mum and dads. She is always welcome by all.

enthusiasticsaver

Why do people think it is acceptable to use grandchildren as pawns? They get to miss out seeing the brothers' family because the wife won't leave her mother for one day even though they are spending Christmas day with her and she has an invite from another daughter anyway? I think these petty family feuds are ridiculous but to be honest I think if I had been in the in laws situation I would have agreed to the MIL coming as at least they would then have seen their son and his family.


Personally though I think the SIL should just have told her mum they had plans for Boxing Day - it is not like Christmas Day after all so it would not have been the end of the world for her to have amused herself if she did not want to go to the other daughter. Now she has deprived her husband and children of the chance of seeing that side of the family for the sake of upsetting a woman no one likes (except her presumably!). I would not automatically expect an invite to be extended to my mum although to be fair it probably would be because she is nice and most people like her

enthusiasticsaver

Jagraf wrote: »

My fil died two years ago so my mil comes with us everywhere we go Christmas Day. My brothers, my mum and dads. She is always welcome by all.

I can understand that and my MIL did the same when she got too old and infirm to travel to my BIL's so we always ended up staying at home so she would not be alone Christmas Day so my parents always had to travel to us if they wanted to see us. However Boxing Day is not quite the same as Christmas Day in my opinion and if she is seeing her daughter and family Christmas Day then maybe she should encourage the family to see the Brother's family on Boxing Day and not cause the rift. If the woman is that obnoxious I don't think I would want her as a guest anyway but maybe suggest the brother and the children come alone and leave the daughter who cannot be separated from her mother to stay with her at home instead.

pigpen

Season of goodwill again.. Your parents were wrong.. they tried to make their child choose between loyalty to them and loyalty to his wife..

Mean and uncharitable.. I'd have said of course she can come it will be lovely to see her and even found a suitable gift for her too so when we were passing around presents she wasn't left out.

This year I have my mother, stepdad, 2 sisters, 1 partner and his daughter, 1 on-off partner so he is not alone. 11 children 2 of their partners, 4 grandbeasts, my partner and myself.. and anyone else who wants to pop by... of those I dislike 3.. but we welcome them all because they are family or family-by-proxy.

If they grandma is so insecure she cannot bear to share the children with their other grandma she is quite silly and petty.. between you it could have been the best Christmas she ever had!!

Ring them back say she was too hasty in her decision and apologise for the upset and you want them all to be there, grumpy-granny too!!

fairy_lights

Someone who has to lie and hornshoe her way in to someone else's plans to avoid having to spend the day with her own daughter is possibly not the easiest company, so I don't blame your in laws for not wanting her there.

Jagraf

What about all the divorcees and their partners who doend every Christmas with people they don't want to ....

duchy

Simply this has backfired on the grandparents - They wanted the grandchildren to themselves ....and now have missed seeing them at all.

In the OP's situation I'd keep right out of it - and not offer any sympathy or comment and say it's something for them to sort out with the son and change the subject. Getting involved is NOT going to help and may add fuel to the flames.

System

Yes i think they have been unreasonable. Its only one day for goodness sake!

Serves them right if no one turns up.

Jagraf

What about all the divorcees and their partners who doend every Christmas with people they don't want to ....