Have they been unreasonable?

MortgageVirgin

Hello everyone,

My partner and I are due to be spending Boxing Day with his family (his parents, brother, sister-in-law and their children) at his parents' home, which usually happens every two years.

Two days ago, the brother called to ask if his wife's mother could come along too. This woman is a miserable and very selfish person, who dominates conversations, complains about everything and can really spoil any festive cheer! She's already spending Christmas Day with the brother, SiL and the kids.

My partner's parents thought about it for a few hours, then called back and said no, because they wanted to spend time with their grandchildren without their other grandma vying for attention.

We all got an email late last night saying that the family won't be coming at all on Boxing Day 'for reasons we won't go into' but that we are welcome to go and visit them instead (presumably with wife's mother still there).

Petty or reasonable?

Stevie_Palimo

Some people are full of full of the xmas cheer and tbh if they are not keen on the person in question then why put themselves through the ordeal of sitting with her, On the other hand they could simply grin and bare it as most of do/have done and still do Today.

Tigsteroonie

It could be that coming without grandma means that she is left alone in their home whilst they are out (if she is staying longer with them) - which she may not want, or they may not want.

It could be that nobody fancies sobering up sufficiently to drive grandma home on Christmas night or Boxing Day morning before heading over for the day.

Does grandma have other family she can spend time with, or is this her only family? Christmas can be a lonely time.

Personally I think the refusal is petty, they could just suck it up and slap on a smile for the one day. But it's their house, their invitation, so it's up to them.

pmlindyloo

MortgageVirgin wrote: »

Hello everyone,

My partner and I are due to be spending Boxing Day with his family (his parents, brother, sister-in-law and their children) at his parents' home, which usually happens every two years.

Two days ago, the brother called to ask if his wife's mother could come along too. This woman is a miserable and very selfish person, who dominates conversations, complains about everything and can really spoil any festive cheer! She's already spending Christmas Day with the brother, SiL and the kids.

My partner's parents thought about it for a few hours, then called back and said no, because they wanted to spend time with their grandchildren without their other grandma vying for attention.

We all got an email late last night saying that the family won't be coming at all on Boxing Day 'for reasons we won't go into' but that we are welcome to go and visit them instead (presumably with wife's mother still there).

Petty or reasonable?

I honestly do not understand why families get themselves into such a state about this. FGS it is one/two days of the whole year and to say they (partner's parents) wanted to spend time with their grandchildren without the other grandma is, in my opinion, a bit 'off'.

Is this woman going to be left on her own on Boxing Day and that is why brother/sister in law wondered if she could come along with them?

To be honest, this isn't your problem. It's your partner's parents problem. Now they don't get to see their grandchildren at all on Boxing Day!

All so stupid and sad.

You are now in the position of whether you 'pop' in to brother before going to parents and perhaps incur parent's wroth (or is it wrath?)or side with parents and just visit them.

What a mess. Good luck with this one!

JReacher1

Seems very unpleasant to not allow the wife's mother to attend. It also puts your brother in an impossible situation where he has to tell his mother in law she can't attend the family event.

I think your brother has done the only thing he can do which is stay at home.

If I told my wife her mother couldn't attend a family event on Boxing Day but we would still go my life wouldn't be worth living!

tea_lover

I think they were unreasonable, and uncharitable.

74jax

I think they were unreasonable, I can'gt believe they thought about it for a few hours either..... it's surely either yes of course or no. Not 'well have to think about it'.


I think the brother worded it quite well, he doesn't want to get into it, has said he's not attending and everyone can go ahead as planned.


it's a shame they wouldn't allow her to attend, but he's chosen to spend the day with her and so be it.

heuchera

The difficult mother-in-law sounds like quite a domineering person. I wouldn't want to spend the day with someone like that either, but unless there was a fail-safe way of politely refusing to have her round (sorry we've got cats and she's allergic to the cat hair../sorry we live in a one-bedroom flat and we really don't have enough space.. etc) then a childish revenge tactic like the one they've got was somewhat inevitable I'm afraid

Kaye1

Why should they have to put up with her? She obviously doesn't see fit to make an effort, so why should they?


Now obviously, they lose out on seeing the Grandchildren but quite frankly, it is their home and that woman should have made an effort to be more pleasant.

JReacher1

heuchera wrote: »

The difficult mother-in-law sounds like quite a domineering person. I wouldn't want to spend the day with someone like that either, but unless there was a fail-safe way of politely refusing to have her round (sorry we've got cats and she's allergic to the cat hair../sorry we live in a one-bedroom flat and we really don't have enough space.. etc) then a childish revenge tactic like the one they've got was somewhat inevitable I'm afraid

I think childish is unfair. Not wanting to attend an event where your wife's mother is excluded is not childish.

It would have been childish if he had said they were staying at home and nobody else was allowed to come, but they've not done that and invited everyone round.

I think the brother has behaved impeccably.

heuchera

JReacher1 wrote: »

I think childish is unfair. Not wanting to attend an event where your wife's mother is excluded is not childish.

It would have been childish if he had said they were staying at home and nobody else was allowed to come, but they've not done that and invited everyone round.

I think the brother has behaved impeccably.

I feel sorry for the brother. It's his wife's mother, and relationships with in-laws can be tricky at the best of times.

What I found childish was the fact that they said they weren't going to come "for reasons we won't go into". If they'd just said well we don't want to leave MiL at home on her own on Boxing Day that would have been fair enough.


Playing Devils Advocate I wouldn't inflict my OH's mother on my worst enemy :rotfl: let alone my family. I've said it before, but if someone spends the other 364 days of the year being an unpleasant nasty piece of work they shouldn't feel surprised when they find themselves alone at Christmas.