Have they been unreasonable?

JReacher1

heuchera wrote: »

I feel sorry for the brother. It's his wife's mother, and relationships with in-laws can be tricky at the best of times.

What I found childish was the fact that they said they weren't going to come "for reasons we won't go into". If they'd just said well we don't want to leave MiL at home on her own on Boxing Day that would have been fair enough.


Playing Devils Advocate I wouldn't inflict my OH's mother on my worst enemy :rotfl: let alone my family. I've said it before, but if someone spends the other 364 days of the year being an unpleasant nasty piece of work they shouldn't feel surprised when they find themselves alone at Christmas.

It seems obvious they are not attending the event because the mother in law hasn't been invited. Putting this in the email would be unnecessary.

This whole incident will create an unnecessary family split now where both sets of In laws won't interact with each other anymore.

It always makes me feel a bit sad when family feuds start due to quite petty things like this!

Peter333

JReacher1 wrote: »

I think childish is unfair. Not wanting to attend an event where your wife's mother is excluded is not childish.

It would have been childish if he had said they were staying at home and nobody else was allowed to come, but they've not done that and invited everyone round.

I think the brother has behaved impeccably.

I agree. And for the record, I think it's rather rude and a bit spiteful to exclude the other granny. If that happened to me (the in-laws said "yeah the kids and grandkids can come but not you,") I would be gutted. It's like spiteful playground behaviour IMO. "We don't like you, so you're not included."

Bah humbug or what?!

I do also wonder if the 'excluded granny' is as bad as she is being painted?

If I were the sister in law, I would also have declined the boxing day invitation. If my mother isn't good enough, then neither am I!

All that said, hell would freeze over before I would spend any time over Christmas at someone else's house. Our daughter lives with us anyway, and I see my 2 sons (who have left home,) for an hour or so on Christmas Eve Eve (23rd December.) Then we all see each other around 27th, for a pub lunch. All 5 of us, and our sons girlfriends. (We have no grandkids yet...)

Why do people always have to/want to/need to be at someone else's house at Christmas and Boxing Day?!

Why can people not just stay in their own homes?

MortgageVirgin

Thanks for your replies, everyone!

The mother-in-law is very much as bad as she's been painted. The reason given for her to come to my partner's parents' was because her other daughter wanted to spend Boxing Day with MiL, but MiL doesn't much like that daughter and needed an excuse.

Brother and his family live about three hours from here, so my partner's parents don't get to see their grandchildren very often. MiL sees them every day.

Next step is trying to plan when we'll see them!

Peter333

MortgageVirgin wrote: »

Thanks for your replies, everyone!

The mother-in-law is very much as bad as she's been painted. The reason given for her to come to my partner's parents' was because her other daughter wanted to spend Boxing Day with MiL, but MiL doesn't much like that daughter and needed an excuse.

Brother and his family live about three hours from here, so my partner's parents don't get to see their grandchildren very often. MiL sees them every day.

Next step is trying to plan when we'll see them!

:huh: If the 'excluded' MIL doesn't want to spend Boxing Day with someone, (in this case, the other daughter,) then why does she not just say no? And she isn't even alone for Boxing then? She already has an invitation from another daughter?

This is getting weirder by the minute.

Mojisola

MortgageVirgin wrote: »

Two days ago, the brother called to ask if his wife's mother could come along too. This woman is a miserable and very selfish person, who dominates conversations, complains about everything and can really spoil any festive cheer!

My partner's parents thought about it for a few hours, then called back and said no, because they wanted to spend time with their grandchildren without their other grandma vying for attention.

It's a shame that they gave this reason - no matter how horrible the other woman is, that reason obviously wouldn't go down well with her or her daughter.

I don't think I'd want to have her at my house, either, but would probably have come up a more diplomatic reason.

MortgageVirgin

Peter333 wrote: »

This is getting weirder by the minute.

I know! To me, it's all a massive fuss over nothing. My partner is only worried about his parents being upset. Part of me thinks it took some courage to say no to having this woman forced upon them. Another part of me thinks it would only have been five hours of unpleasantness, counterbalanced by spending time with their grandchildren.

heuchera

Peter333 wrote: »

:huh: If the 'excluded' MIL doesn't want to spend Boxing Day with someone, (in this case, the other daughter,) then why does she not just say no? And she isn't even alone for Boxing then? She already has an invitation from another daughter?

This is getting weirder by the minute.

No it's not weird. Difficult Deirdre declines to spend time with Daughter she doesn't like. Inflicts herself instead on Daughter she prefers, then wants to tag along with her and her husband when they go to see the husband's parents.

Husband's parents have refused to accommodate her, so a family feud has broken out.

JReacher1

Peter333 wrote: »

:huh: If the 'excluded' MIL doesn't want to spend Boxing Day with someone, (in this case, the other daughter,) then why does she not just say no? And she isn't even alone for Boxing then? She already has an invitation from another daughter?

This is getting weirder by the minute.

I don't think it's the fact she's spending the day alone that is the issue. The issue appears to be that the brother has asked for his mother in law to come and his parents have said no because they don't like her. This has been fed back to the wife and obviously is causing an issue.

FBaby

Petty or reasonable?

Neither, it is THEIR choice to decide not to come.

My partner is only worried about his parents being upset

Probably just like Brother's wife felt about her own mum.

I hate it when people make a decision that suits them (ie. excluding the MIL because they don't want her there), but then have the hump when others do the same (ie, inviting them instead).

It was the parent's choice to not invite MIL and their right to do so, just like it is the right of brother and his wife to subsequently say they won't come.

pickledonionspaceraider

The season of goodwill?

Your inlaws need to get a grip, as they have put their own son in an impossible situation and forced him to chose between his own parents and his wife's.

They sound like emotional manipulators - no we don't want to 'share' the grandkids with the other grandmother - and now they have lost out

Serves um right - they have drove their own son away