Help....how to say NO nicely

shopaholicz

I'm feeling really bad at the minute. I've been asked by 2 different people in the last 2 days to lend them money.

The first was the other halfs niece who wants us to lend them £2,000. We know they've already had money from others in the family and not paid them back, so don't really want to lend them any.

The second was a friend yesterday. We haven't seen her for 10 years, then she knocked on the door a couple of weeks ago. She came again yesterday and asked for £2,500 as she was leaving, saying it was a matter of life and death and she had to know withing 24 hours.

I look after my money, only spend if I have to, love coupons and bargains etc. I've worked hard and saved hard for the money we have and don't want to give any away as we can't guarantee getting anything back. However, I'm feeling really guilty as we do have spare in the bank that we could lend.

So......how do we say no to both of them, nicely.

Alikay

" I'm sorry we can't - what little savings we have are tied up. Is there anything practical we may be able to do to help, though?"

HappyMJ

Sorry but I can't lend you the money...bye for now.

I really don't know how to put it any other way. If it's for food I'll give them £10 and not expect it to be returned but if I see them in the pub spending the tenner then they aren't getting any more. That's the limit of my charity to anyone more distant than my mother, my partner or my child.

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Sorry for the CAP's it's not up to you to be a bank.

PasturesNew

"Sorry, I've had to borrow £200 myself this month just to stop the gas being cut off"
Lie.... they probably are.

tea_lover

"We're not able to lend you any money, but I'd be happy to help you make an appointment with a debt charity or similar, or help with budgeting, if that would help"

onlyroz

"No, sorry, we don't have anything spare".

Never ever lend money unless you are happy to never get it back.

theoretica

If you say you can't (rather than won't whether you can or not) it leaves the door open for maybe another time, which you don't really want to do. I'm sorry, no, why don't you go on this great website about money matters...

torbrex

I may be out of line here but when it comes to money, there is no need to be nice.

A simple NO will suffice, no explaining is required.

Mojisola

shopaholicz wrote: »

The first was the other halfs niece who wants us to lend them £2,000. We know they've already had money from others in the family and not paid them back, so don't really want to lend them any.

The second was a friend yesterday. We haven't seen her for 10 years, then she knocked on the door a couple of weeks ago. She came again yesterday and asked for £2,500 as she was leaving, saying it was a matter of life and death and she had to know withing 24 hours.

I'm feeling really guilty as we do have spare in the bank that we could lend.

So......how do we say no to both of them, nicely.

HappyMJ wrote: »

Sorry but I can't lend you the money...bye for now.

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Sorry for the CAP's it's not up to you to be a bank.

Got to agree with the above - don't feel guilty!

The niece is working her way around the family - you're just the next in line for her to take (steal?) money from. She must know she won't pay it back so she isn't being honest when she asks for a 'loan'. I would give her the details of http://www.stepchange.org/ and https://www.nationaldebtline.org/

The friend will probably disappear off to wherever she's been for the last ten years. Again, give her the debt advice charity details.

mai_taylor

I'd only lend money to someone who I knew really well, that really needed it and that I knew would pay me back.

In your case I wouldn't lend to either so just tell them you can't afford it.

pinpin

I thought you were gonna say someone wanted to borrow £40....But 2K?!!
Jesus. lol.

I'll never be in that position to have someone ask me as i'll never have that kind of money sitting about, but don't underestimate the power of the white lie.
In an ideal world people would be strong and assertive enough to just say 'No!' but I know that some people find it hard.
So lie and pretend you can't afford it
(Big unexpected bill came through, lost money in an 'investment' and so no spare money at the moment etc etc)