Help....how to say NO nicely

Pollycat

shopaholicz wrote: »

Update

Deed done x 2.

Firstly, I got the other half to deal with his niece. This had to be over the phone due to how far away they live. He was very nervous and didn't want an argument or bad feelings but just said we couldn't lend them any money. She never even questioned why, said she was disappointed but understood. We never dreamt it would be that easy.

2nd one I dealt with. My friend knocked on the door again at 5:30 last night. She said she'd come to see if we'd decided. I told her no, using the planned building work as an excuse. She said it was only for 90 days and she'd have the money back to me before the builder came. She asked me to reconsider as it would cause her lots of problems if she couldn't get the money yesterday. Very evasive, still didn't say what the money was for. I offered to help her set up a debt management plan, help her look at her finances or anything else practical she thought she needed. She replied that she wasn't in any debt and the money wasn't for what I thought it was for. No more detail. I was dying of curiosity but didn't ask her to explain as I didn't want to give her an "in". I'm such a nosy person, I'd love to know what it was for though. Can't imagine.

So both dealt with. I hope that's an end to it and nobody else ever asks. Ever.

Glad you've got it sorted.

A few posters did mention that if you used the building work as an excuse, she'd come back with a proposal to pay you back before it started, but at least you stuck firm.

Personally, I think someone turning up after 10 years with no word, asking to borrow £2.5k and not offering any explanation is just plain rude.
I'd rethink your opinion of her as a friend. In fact, I'd be very surprised if she ever got back in touch with you again.

Now you've said 'no' twice, you can do it again if anybody else ever asks.
Have a good Christmas.

pigpen

Well done you!! The more you say no the easier it gets!!

Some people think we were born yesterday! I'd have serious concerns about being in touch with that 'friend' again... then again, if it really is a life or death situation you might not have the opportunity

System

shopaholicz wrote: »

I don't expect to stop myself feeling guilty but I think I can use a white lie to get round it. We are having a couple of walls knocked down in the spring and the kitchen and dining room made into one with a new kitchen thrown in. Nobody knows how much we have in the bank, so I could say we need all our spare money for that.

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Don't say this - as they will promise to have repaid you by Spring, and it makes it more difficult to continue to refuse.
Just say No.

shopaholicz wrote: »

My friend knocked on the door again at 5:30 last night. She said she'd come to see if we'd decided. I told her no, using the planned building work as an excuse. She said it was only for 90 days and she'd have the money back to me before the builder came.

Your "friend" is very predictable!

The mind boggles as to the situation she might be in. If she's reluctant to explain why she needs the cash she might be in debt to a loan company, or a loan shark!

Or she may just be trying it on and wants the money for a holiday. She doesn't sound very trustworthy.

Be sure to keep using your assertiveness skills if the same happens in future. Some parasites are rather crafty and know who to ask (namely, people who find it difficult to say no)

redpete

shopaholicz wrote: »

I told her no, using the planned building work as an excuse. She said it was only for 90 days and she'd have the money back to me before the builder came.

Don't use any white lies or other justification about the reasons for not being able to lend them money - that opens the possibility of lending when/if circumstances are different.

Well done for not giving in though.

meritaten

Well done! if it ever happens again you will know how to say no next time!

DavidF

Well done op. Now those chancers are out of the way I was just wondering if you could loan me £500 just for my night out at the local casino......lol. No seriously you have done the right thing as once you become known for being able to lend a few £££ then word gets round and others would also come knocking.

Bogof_Babe

Why would your friend think about throwing herself under a bus if she isn't in some sort of financial mess? I think she is a liar, and that's another reason not to trust that she would have repaid you. Well done, you held your nerve and can now relax and enjoy Xmas :beer: .

[Deleted User]

torbrex wrote: »

I may be out of line here but when it comes to money, there is no need to be nice.

A simple NO will suffice, no explaining is required.

Or if you wanted to be ever so slightly nice, just ask them if they can work out an anagram of the word 'on'