Help with leaving husband and finances

BigAunty

tea_lover wrote: »

Guest, we get it.... in your world all women that want to separate from their husbands are evil harpies who want to bankrupt their ex's and deny all access to children. Do you really need to keep posting the same thing?

I always love the suspicion that the person who posts is probably only putting their side first, excluding their contribution to the relationship breakdown and probably has no insight into their flaws.

'We only get to hear your view point so its not trustworthy'.

Well, duh! Of course we only get one point of view (because their partner doesn't post their version of events and so can't contradict the contents of a thread).

That's the nature of a forum, babes, its personal and biased. We can only work with the info that's present.

As they say on The Big Bang Theory 'The Internet is No Place for the Truth'.

justme111

tea_lover wrote: »

Guest, we get it.... in your world all women that want to separate from their husbands are evil harpies who want to bankrupt their ex's and deny all access to children. Do you really need to keep posting the same thing?

Tealover , he said he has no idea how op could "kick his husband out"
He somehow manages not to see that on divorce where children are involved it is mostly mother that stays in the marital home at least until children are 18 and the bloke often left with nothing but solicitor debt.
He must live in a paralel universe.
I do not think you can reason with him.

Guest101

justme111 wrote: »

Tealover , he said he has no idea how op could "kick his husband out"
He somehow manages not to see that on divorce where children are involved it is mostly mother that stays in the marital home at least until children are 18 and the bloke often left with nothing but solicitor debt.
He must live in a paralel universe.
I do not think you can reason with him.

Unless there is a threat to safety, there would not be a reason for either parent to be forced out of the property. Most couples do live separately post break up, to get themselves space and not actually wish to be in the property. However that is not 'kicking someone out'


I'm fully aware of the way in which divorces work, however that again is not the point I was making, which you seem to conveniently ignore by stating quite broadly 'most bloke often left with nothing but solicitor debt' - which is a generalisation, and not a very accurate one.


However your attitude of bullying posters who don't agree with you : " He must live in a paralel universe. I do not think you can reason with him " - just proves that instead of engaging in debate and discussing things like a rational person might, you dismiss them out of hand, as naïve or stupid.


You also seem to condone that a person should be made homeless and be left with nothing for the sole reason that another person has decided it should be so. I find that quite strange, but would be interested in hearing your reasons for such a view.

duchy

FBaby wrote: »

Or this as an alternative indeed. I am just trying to suggest that she remembers that there will be a cost attached to travelling depending in the arrangement they make (and how far she is moving).

Presumably you've missed that she will be moving closer to work -and commutes daily at the moment. If her costs to work are affordable it's hardly going to create hardship for a man who earns more than she does to make the journey once or twice a week.

Really some people on this board astound me !!!

Guest101

duchy wrote: »

Presumably you've missed that she will be moving closer to work -and commutes daily at the moment. If her costs to work are affordable it's hardly going to create hardship for a man who earns more than she does to make the journey once or twice a week.

Really some people on this board astound me !!!

Quoting the OP: "I work from home and travel with work maybe once/twice a month "


So im not sure what to believe...

duchy

justme111 wrote: »

Yep. I hope she will stay as generous and nice during divorce as she sounds now instead of becoming one of those who fight tooth and nail to get all they are "entitled to".
When I was arranging cs with ex he placed standing order for the amount he was happy to pay ( less than a half of csa figures) and I did not argue with it. It turned out to work well (touch the wood) as he spends money on daughter's holidays, pick ups and drop offs , shopping with her , presents for her and so on. I am very happy with the arrangement, I would rather he spend money on her happily than pay it to me begrudgingly.

I'd prefer a father to support his children as the law demands rather than them have a poorer standard of living because he begrudges supporting them and the other parent lets them do so for a quiet life. It's a blatant form of emotional blackmail for a NRP to threaten their kids will have less of a relationship with him if the PWC won't agree to them paying less than the legal minimum of child support.

enthusiasticsaver

happygirl01 wrote: »

I know that's what I thought, I'm not even asking for half, some of it, I still can't save now I earn money as he expects me to put more in, it's so frustrating. Do I have to go to a solicitor who will then tell me what I'm entitled to , how do I actually get the money from him?
I'd be happy with 5 grand to start me off, even 3, I could pay a deposit then get some new furniture, I know I'll be entitled to more in the long run but with the car, which is actually on HP which I pay £140 per month for and he pays £60. I think he has around £40000 savings but not sure x

Normally the marital assets would be split but the split is negotiated usually according to earning power, children etc etc. If you go down the court route though that can be very expensive as you will both need solicitors and barristers so a mutually accepted split would be better.


I find it very strange though that you are just giving your husband part of your salary whereas he has sole savings and you are not even aware of definitely how much he has and he earns more than you anyway. My advice would be don't give him any more of your salary, open your own bank account as if he is going to be difficult and you are the one having to move out you will need ready money. If the savings are joint then just draw it out and document it as you needing it for a deposit on a rented property. Ideally you should tell him and any solicitors how much you have drawn out and ask it to be considered as part of your settlement.

FBaby

duchy wrote: »

Presumably you've missed that she will be moving closer to work -and commutes daily at the moment. If her costs to work are affordable it's hardly going to create hardship for a man who earns more than she does to make the journey once or twice a week.

Really some people on this board astound me !!!

I don't know, OP says she works from home in her post today!

In any case, not an issue as only moving a few miles. It sounds to me like OP has good intentions and even though she has formed an idea of how things will be in the future, that's not to say she isn't prepared to compromise if her ex doesn't agree. I get the feeling that OP wants to move on, but doesn't feel anger or bitterness towards him, so assuming he can do the same, there is no reason why they can't work it out amicably. Many parents separate and manage to remain in good terms for the benefit of their children.

duchy

Guest101 wrote: »

We don't agree, which isn't a problem for me. I don't expect to agree with everyone, the world would be very boring if we all did that.


However do you have to belittle my opinion like you have just done so?






So I put it to you, do you need to keep posting the same thing?

The way you constantly belittle women whose marriages who have failed with your assumptions of the worst of motives- you mean ? Perhaps read back on some of your past posts to see why more than one board regular attributes this attitude to you. It may not be true but it's certainly the impression you give.

Leaving a marriage- even a desperately unhappy one is not something the majority of mothers do lightly -and your undermining attitude is not helpful at what is already a difficult time.

I'm bored to death with men who assume that because they married women who they perceive transformed from normal balanced women to unreasonable harpies (and of course they never did anything to cause this change) that all failed marriages are the same and will end as badly as their own.

justme111

Guest101 wrote: »

You also seem to condone that a person should be made homeless and be left with nothing for the sole reason that another person has decided it should be so. I find that quite strange, but would be interested in hearing your reasons for such a view.

I wonder how you manage to miss sometimes parts of the posts , sometimes the entire posts if they don't fit your narrative. In this very thread I commended op for not trying to get "all she she's s entitled to" .
If you interested in my opinion as you started to talk about my believes - I think divorce law is unfair in favouring lesser earner and main childcarer which is usually woman but it is not about what I think .
The only two things op decided is that she wants out of the marriage and that she does not want to go gun blazing solicitor/barrister route which given likely savings amount if her husband would have benefitted her monetarily greatly. She willingly forgoes it and you still criticise her because she dared to speculate on how visitation schedule could be. What id wrong with her thinking about possible visitation schedule options ? What possible change of job of husband has to do with it ? Where did she say "that's how it will be "?
You trying to find something wrong with how she acts and I suppose many men would because in their brains flashing only one thing :" she left me , she is bad". So no matter just how considerate she is and agreeable and nice a man still tried to argue she done wrong - of course she has , she taken unilateral decision to drop him ! Dare I say this attitude just adds to the lines of women who end up take their exes to cleaners - it is hard being nice when one is unappreciated in that niceness , one thinks may as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb.