Help with leaving husband and finances

happygirl01

Hi Guys
I need some advice
I am leaving my husband, we have been together 15 years, I'm so unhappy and don't love him anymore. I am a happy person but I am starting to feel down all the time, we live virtually separate lives and don't have anything in common, I was young when we got together and I just tried to make things work. He has savings which I don't know how much and I don't have any at all.
He has paid for rent, some bills and most things throughout the marriage while I was working only part time and raising the children, now I am working full time and have a very good job I earn more money, I have been contributing more as that is what my husband has said even though he earns more than double what I earn I probably put the same or even more in to the household.
I am leaving, I am going to wait until after Christmas as it's a terrible time to do this to the kids (it's terrible anytime I know) and will be renting privately as we don't own our home.
I have spoken to council and they have advised I may be able to get a deposit for a house through a bond scheme, as my earnings the passed 12 months are under the threshold as I've only recently got my promotion.
I have worked out my outgoings and what earnings will be with tax credits and also child maintenance and will be able to survive quite comfortably on my own. My only issue is finding the deposit for a place and some new furniture as I plan to leave certain things for my husband.
Am I entitled to just take some of the savings? Or would I have to go to a solicitor.
My husband is very private about money, he earns very good money, but now I earn a little more like I said I have to contribute more and have been finding it extremely difficult to save up unlike my husband who saves every month, which I find so frustrating, especially when he has a sort of whats his is his attitude. Don't get me wrong he has been financially good to ne over the years, however that's what a husband does to support his family.
All I want is for him to give me the family car which I drive and some of the savings to start me off and have some set aside for a rainy day.
I don't know what my rights are and how I can discuss this without knowing more about it
Any help appreciated
x

Person_one

If you are going to be the primary career for your children, wouldn't it be better for you and them to stay in the house and your husband to move elsewhere? Much less upheaval for the kids to stay in their own home surely?

You need to speak to a solicitor about the finances.

happygirl01

I totally understand where you are coming from. The tenancy is in his name, and I know he will be extremely difficult about things, I also want to move closer to my parents and also to an area my children's friends and cousins are, so it will benefit them. We live in the area my husband is from everyone knows him and I feel I need to make a clean break from it all x

thriftylass

I thought as the savings were accumulated during your marriage they would be a marital asset and split in a divorce. They are not HIS savings. You enabled him to save by caring for the kids and him to continue with his career and surely the saving were intended for the family not him. Best go through a solicitor though, some do a short consultation for free.

Person_one

If he's likely to be awkward, you definitely need proper legal advice.

Good luck with it all, and with getting through Christmas.

happygirl01

I know that's what I thought, I'm not even asking for half, some of it, I still can't save now I earn money as he expects me to put more in, it's so frustrating. Do I have to go to a solicitor who will then tell me what I'm entitled to , how do I actually get the money from him?
I'd be happy with 5 grand to start me off, even 3, I could pay a deposit then get some new furniture, I know I'll be entitled to more in the long run but with the car, which is actually on HP which I pay £140 per month for and he pays £60. I think he has around £40000 savings but not sure x

thriftylass

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/overview

Person_one

happygirl01 wrote: »

I know that's what I thought, I'm not even asking for half, some of it, I still can't save now I earn money as he expects me to put more in, it's so frustrating. Do I have to go to a solicitor who will then tell me what I'm entitled to , how do I actually get the money from him?
I'd be happy with 5 grand to start me off, even 3, I could pay a deposit then get some new furniture, I know I'll be entitled to more in the long run but with the car, which is actually on HP which I pay £140 per month for and he pays £60. I think he has around £40000 savings but not sure x

Don't short change yourself and your children for an easy life!

happygirl01

I know, I feel bad for leaving but it's not a happy place to be. The kids are noticing and he does take things out on them too, he doesn't spend time with them an awful lot and I don't feel anything will change. The only time we actually have a nice time together is our yearly holiday but then everything goes back to normal again once we are home, We can't live like this, I want to start a fresh with the kids in a happier home x

Mojisola

happygirl01 wrote: »

I know that's what I thought, I'm not even asking for half, some of it, I still can't save now I earn money as he expects me to put more in, it's so frustrating.

As the primary child carer, you should be entitled to more than 50% of the marital assets.

You may be happy to take only half, or less, but don't be too quick to declare that. It sounds as if he is manipulating you regarding the family finances - you may be shocked when you find out how much you (plural) have in savings.

The children are his as well as yours - the money should go towards making their lives easier.

Guest101

happygirl01 wrote: »

Hi Guys
I need some advice
I am leaving my husband, we have been together 15 years, I'm so unhappy and don't love him anymore. I am a happy person but I am starting to feel down all the time, we live virtually separate lives and don't have anything in common, I was young when we got together and I just tried to make things work. He has savings which I don't know how much and I don't have any at all. - Perhaps worth waiting and saving up?
He has paid for rent, some bills and most things throughout the marriage while I was working only part time and raising the children, now I am working full time and have a very good job I earn more money, I have been contributing more as that is what my husband has said even though he earns more than double what I earn I probably put the same or even more in to the household. - Well this is irrelevant now.
I am leaving, I am going to wait until after Christmas as it's a terrible time to do this to the kids (it's terrible anytime I know) and will be renting privately as we don't own our home.
I have spoken to council and they have advised I may be able to get a deposit for a house through a bond scheme, as my earnings the passed 12 months are under the threshold as I've only recently got my promotion. - would this apply if you're moving? IE what does your new council say?
I have worked out my outgoings and what earnings will be with tax credits and also child maintenance and will be able to survive quite comfortably on my own. - If you're moving what happens to your job? Also presumptuous to assume they'll live with you? My only issue is finding the deposit for a place and some new furniture as I plan to leave certain things for my husband. - You'd have to discuss all jointly own property. You cant pick and choose what you take and what you leave.
Am I entitled to just take some of the savings? Or would I have to go to a solicitor. - How would you take his savings? You are entitled to some, and via divorce you could get some. But you cant just 'take' them.
My husband is very private about money, he earns very good money, but now I earn a little more like I said I have to contribute more and have been finding it extremely difficult to save up unlike my husband who saves every month, which I find so frustrating, especially when he has a sort of whats his is his attitude. Don't get me wrong he has been financially good to ne over the years, however that's what a husband does to support his family. - If you say so. I'd suggest that as a family unit both adults are equally responsible to do all of it. The various jobs are then delegated. Your view is one of what would be considered prehistoric in modern times.
All I want is for him to give me the family car which I drive and some of the savings to start me off and have some set aside for a rainy day. - You need to get a divorce for that kind of thing, unless he's feeling generous.
I don't know what my rights are and how I can discuss this without knowing more about it
Any help appreciated
x

A solicitor would help you with some basic info


also google wikivorce