Help with leaving husband and finances

Guest101

happygirl01 wrote: »

I totally understand where you are coming from. The tenancy is in his name, and I know he will be extremely difficult about things, I also want to move closer to my parents and also to an area my children's friends and cousins are, so it will benefit them. We live in the area my husband is from everyone knows him and I feel I need to make a clean break from it all x

Does that mean his contact with the children will be further disrupted?


May not look good in court should he go for a child arrangement order.

Pollycat

If the children are going to live with you, what are you going to do about child maintenance?
If they are his children, he should support them financially.
You can get an idea of what he should be paying here:
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

If he has £40K in savings, you should be looking at more than £3K.
And any pensions should be put in the pot too.

I don't know if this website will be of use:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/ending-a-marriage/#h-financial-arrangements-at-the-end-of-a-marriage

Perhaps you could see if any solicitor near to you will give a free half hour basic advice session.

Person_one

happygirl01 wrote: »

I know, I feel bad for leaving but it's not a happy place to be. The kids are noticing and he does take things out on them too, he doesn't spend time with them an awful lot and I don't feel anything will change. The only time we actually have a nice time together is our yearly holiday but then everything goes back to normal again once we are home, We can't live like this, I want to start a fresh with the kids in a happier home x

You absolutely don't need to feel bad for separating in these circumstances. It happens, you will all be fine, but what we're saying is that you and the children should have a bigger share of the family savings than you seem to expect. When you're married and are a family, the money doesn't just belong to the one who earned it anymore, it's for all of you.

LannieDuck

I assume you have separate accounts? No joint savings account?

If you don't have any idea at all about how much he has in the way of savings, it's going to be difficult to get a fair divorce. Do you ever have sight of account statements or other financial paperwork?

Whose name is the family car in? Are you a 1-car or a 2-car household?

(Out of interest, what's his reasoning for you paying a higher proportion of the bills when he earns more?)

Pixie5740

Have you tried counselling? Even if the end result is still that you get divorced it might make for an easier separation if you've at least talked things through in a controlled environment.

Clive_Woody

Can't help with advice on the finances, but local Freecycle and Swapit-sellit sites are great places to get cheap/free furniture to kit out a new place. Don't go splashing out all your money when you can save a lot by getting second hand furniture, which in many cases is in near perfect condition.

FBaby

You are entitled to start afresh and be happy again so don't feel guilty, however, do remember that you owe your children to facilitate building a loving relationship with their dad. If you are going to move away, how will visitation take place? Will you take them or at least share, or will you expect him to do all the travelling? How will these travels be financed?

If I were you, I would factor in the above in light of what you are going to ask him to pay towards the deposit and furniture.

justme111

Fbaby , I think she is being very honorable in not intending to go for his savings which are as others rightly pointed in the eyes of law are their savings. Reducing what she needs for a move request due to his visitation troubles is not right or reasonable. If she wanted to continue being morally right she has an option to agree lower cs payments with him taking into account his expenses in seeing them.
Op , you can ask for what you need to move. If he is going to be difficult point to him that you will be forced go via solicitors with him making financial disclosure and he will lose far more. If he does not see sense go via solicitors and you will still have an option of agreeing to a lesser payout later on in the process when he is go to take it gratefully once he sees he would otherwise has to pay you far more.

FBaby

If she wanted to continue being morally right she has an option to agree lower cs payments with him taking into account his expenses in seeing them.

Or this as an alternative indeed. I am just trying to suggest that she remembers that there will be a cost attached to travelling depending in the arrangement they make (and how far she is moving).

justme111

Yep. I hope she will stay as generous and nice during divorce as she sounds now instead of becoming one of those who fight tooth and nail to get all they are "entitled to".
When I was arranging cs with ex he placed standing order for the amount he was happy to pay ( less than a half of csa figures) and I did not argue with it. It turned out to work well (touch the wood) as he spends money on daughter's holidays, pick ups and drop offs , shopping with her , presents for her and so on. I am very happy with the arrangement, I would rather he spend money on her happily than pay it to me begrudgingly.