The Spreadsheet Diva's MF Diary

Goldiegirl

Hi,I can see you've had lots of advice, and it's a lot to take on board at once.

My suggestion is, take your time, be methodical and work through each of the areas of your budget, to see where reductions can be made - it could take several months to get everything working at maximum efficiency.

I don't know if this has been said already, but you may want to consider doing a spending diary, so you can see where every penny goes - you then get a true picture of your expenditure, so you can plug leakages.

Another thing to think about is making your money work harder for you. That money going into a tin isn't working very hard at all, it's just sitting in a tin. I'd be looking at one of the high interest current accounts like Nationwide or TSB which pay 5% interest as a home for this money.

On the subject of making your money work harder, if you have to pay interest on debt, you want to be paying the the lowest possible rate. I'd be looking at paying off the unsecured debt first, as this will have the highest rates being charged on it. Unless you can transfer it to 0% cards, maybe consider clearing these cards first, before you even consider overpaying the mortgage. That £390 cigarette money would make a significant dent in the unsecured debt each month - perhaps this could be considered.

I understand that overpaying your mortgage may mentally be your priority, particularly if you've been in a situation where possession proceedings had been instigated. But financially, it may not be the best course of action at the present time.

Finally, I'd suggest that you share the burden with your other half. It wasn't fair on you to shoulder all the worry about repossession. But if it's a joint mortgage it's not fair that he was kept in the dark, as arrears on the mortgage show on his credit file.

You're at the start of a journey - get solid foundations, then it'll make the journey a lot easier.

SueP19

Goldiegirl wrote: »

My suggestion is, take your time, be methodical and work through each of the areas of your budget, to see where reductions can be made - it could take several months to get everything working at maximum efficiency.

Great advice, it is tempting to go for it but that can be when the obvious is overlooked

Goldiegirl wrote: »

On the subject of making your money work harder, if you have to pay interest on debt, you want to be paying the the lowest possible rate. I'd be looking at paying off the unsecured debt first, as this will have the highest rates being charged on it. Unless you can transfer it to 0% cards, maybe consider clearing these cards first, before you even consider overpaying the mortgage. That £390 cigarette money would make a significant dent in the unsecured debt each month - perhaps this could be considered.

All debt are at 0% The £390 per month would not exist if it wasn't for the fact it was placed in a tin, this will buy (in 3 years) a nearly new caravan, cheaper holiday. After that it pay for a replaced roof.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Finally, I'd suggest that you share the burden with your other half. It wasn't fair on you to shoulder all the worry about repossession. But if it's a joint mortgage it's not fair that he was kept in the dark, as arrears on the mortgage show on his credit file.

Our credit file has been shot for the last 8 years, I have monitored this and tried to get alterations made but to no avail.

There were two reason for keeping everyone in the dark over the financial situation last year.

Firstly both OH and DD are panickers and turn to me to solve everything, they would not have helped in the situation at all, they would have just burdened me further with extra pressure for me to sort the situation.

Secondly (and the biggie) My dear OH was diagnosed with PTSD about 2 and a half years ago by the GP, counselling was to follow but never materialised. I have looked into this and believe that OH actually suffers from PDSD (Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder or Complex PTSD) He exhibits all the symptoms which have increased ten fold these last 18 months. He cannot cope. When I took the decision (not lightly) to keep him in the dark over the need for huge amounts of funds for the course I did so knowing that the burden would be huge, to maintain a normal appearance when drowning is not an easy task. It was a calculated decision on many levels. I could not afford to "tip" OH over the edge and make him too ill to work, as stated above I couldn't afford the additional pressure him knowing would bring. I believe that, for me, it was the right decision but not one I feel comfortable with. I did confide in my parents and they agreed that I had taken the right course.

If at this point the readers of this diary think that the ends doesn't justify the means then maybe an example will help. Last May I had a demand for last year CTax, only owed 3 of the 10 months, well OH opened the letter, what followed was a rollercoaster of emotions from him........1st anger, 2nd blame, 3rd head in hands, 4th f*ck em, 5th a migraine and finally a demand for me to pay it, all in the space of a few hours...........this happens even over junk mail, a bogus "you have been approved" letter results in many accusations.

Every letter provokes a panic attack followed by feeling ill.

He feels betrayed by DD leaving and it is the equivalent of a bereavement in his eyes.

I have considered running away many times and feel very let down by the GP's.

If you add the fact that for the last 3 months I have been sat at a train station waiting for DD, his condition has spiralled immensely..............you see in his eyes I haven't been at the station, I have been having an affair, a classic symptom is extreme mistrust.

I have a plan to deal with it in baby steps and he will never be completely healed but I am hopeful that I can make him smile again.

Oh other symptoms include, being very critical of those closest, not sleeping, deep anxiety, anger, avoidance, hypervigilance, feelings of detachment to name but a few.

Anyway I hope that explains to all you wonderful MSE'rs

I always believe that you can always find others in worse situations than yourself

Karmacat

Oh Sue, your poor OH. And poor you ... I completely see where you're coming from. I certainly don't think GPs know how to deal with that level of distress is there any other source of help you're accessing, like MIND or the new charity PTSDUK? Or if he was a soldier, there might be help via the military, especially since he's no longer directly employed by them (I realise thats a leap by me, sorry).

You're doing brilliantly in dealing with so much.

SueP19

No he is not a soldier. I was shocked to learn that although it more common in the military it can also be found in civi street

Complex PTSD is where multiple trauma occurs rather than one catastrophic incident. This causes the individual traumas to all roll into one.

I have looked for groups for me but I couldn't really find anything and as he is in denial it would be difficult to attend.

Thanks, you do what you have to do

Karmacat

It can definitely be found in civvies, yes. A few of my longterm clients have it ... and yes, denial makes everything stop before it starts. Check out this page from MIND, which is meant for support people like you: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/

I'll shut up now, you're going through the mill yourself.

HTH

SueP19

Thanks, that that's doesn't kill us makes us stronger x

SueP19

Day 8

A productive lunch really, I thought I would calculate how much money I would save over the remaining 16 years of my mortgage if I pay £1 off, just to put the stamp of reality and motivation on it all.

Ok for £1 it will cost me 49.8p in interest over the time...............not a lot really but try £10, it now becomes £4.98................that is nearly 50% again. So it's like taking 2 x £5 and burning one of them every time.

Quite a surprise really :eek::eek::eek:

This has had quite an impact as I did the compare thing this lunch too and found that it was £20 a year more to pay monthly by dd. Not even going in the direction of Sw*nt*n who want to charge me hefty £140 more than last year but as a good will gesture they will knock £50 off!!! So I said knock the legal off as well, oh we can't do that because the discount is based on you keeping the legal..........................so in real terms my discount off the 73% increase is £17..............do I look and sound stupid

He then told me to definitely come back when I have been to visit Sergei and they will match......oh sorry try to match

Sw*nt*n £287
C*mpare £220

Thats about £33 in interest!!!!!! :beer:

DD rang......................how much is Christmas money :mad::mad::mad:

lulabelle1

Hi Sue - don't forget to do your insurance via TCB or Quidco too for some extra savings (in the form of cashback) - it's surprising how much some of them offer.

SueP19

Thanks for reminder, it's not due yet but will clear my cupcakes before I do it.

Does Quidco still charge ??

Goldiegirl

Goodness me Sue, you really have got a lot to deal with.


Don't forget to look after yourself as well, otherwise you could end up completely burning yourself out too.