Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

coolcait

duchy wrote: »

Why do you care ? It makes absolutely no difference to you so what does it matter ?

...

Arguably, that response could have been made in reply to the starting point of this thread.


Instead, we have had a thread which has covered a lot of ground - some heartbreaking, some curious, all interesting.


I'm glad it went that way.

Spirit_2

I kept my maiden name on marriage. When our daughter was born I added my husbands surname onto mine, this is on my passport and official records. At work and on our bank accounts I retained my maiden name.I no longer work and last week after 32 years of marriage changed my name at the bank.

My husbands surname is very commom and dull but so is my maiden name so I was not motivated by keeping or getting a more interesting moniker.

He does have an interesting christian name and I have been tempted to call myself Mrs his first name his surname, but it would be a bit of a throwback and vain. Acquiring a distinctive name in adulthood is a bit like getting a personalised number plate.


If we were to divorce I would probably use my own name again.

System

Person_one wrote: »

I care about everything that contributes to or is a symptom of continued inequality between the genders.

When the day comes that a man is just as likely to change his name as a woman is, I assure you I will stop caring!

I think your going to have to 'paddle your own boat' on this one.

I for one, like having my husband's surname. I look at it as it is my husbands' gift to me after our marriage. For me personally there would have been no children born to our union without it.

tatabubbly

Person_one wrote: »

That's no answer though, is it? Why do they want to? Still, in this day and age and in such vast numbers when so few men do?

I recently got married and I 'took' my husbands name. When we chatted about it, I had expressed an interest in getting rid of my cumbersome name and I liked how his sounded as it was nice and normal.

Also, means that me, him and our babies will all have same surname and it's easier for traveling (as we live abroad).

Doesn't mean he owns me. Doesn't mean I'm his property. Doesn't mean I'm not a feminist. What is does mean is I made a decision to share the rest of my life with him, and in forming our own family, I've decided to share his name.

Jagraf

Person_one wrote: »

I care about everything that contributes to or is a symptom of continued inequality between the genders.

When the day comes that a man is just as likely to change his name as a woman is, I assure you I will stop caring!

To me, the name change issue (which everyone now can have a choice about) dilutes any real equality issues. Yor argument here is to change a woman's choice to fit in with your own ideal, which is nothing to do with equality, in fact it is the opposite.

pigpen

Person_one wrote: »

I care about everything that contributes to or is a symptom of continued inequality between the genders.

When the day comes that a man is just as likely to change his name as a woman is, I assure you I will stop caring!

Surely 'equality' means they both have the right to choose which name they use.. They have that.. Men and women have that choice.. It doesn't have any impact on anyone but themselves so really had nothing to do with anyone else approving or not. In a family with children it is nice to all have the same name bringing a feeling that you are all one unit.. The label you give yourselves is irrelevant.. I quite like the idea of merging names to form a new one..

I have the choice to change my name on marriage .. And I would .. But not because I felt I had to, because I WANT to!

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

I care about everything that contributes to or is a symptom of continued inequality between the genders.

When the day comes that a man is just as likely to change his name as a woman is, I assure you I will stop caring!

I changed my name on marriage (twice) and never thought I was contributing to continued inequality.

There was equality in my marriages (and still is in the 2nd one) - I gave zero thought to changing my name both times.
The fact that I did change my name in no way makes me unequal to my husband.

Whatever name I go by makes zero difference to the person I am.

mumps

coolcait wrote: »

It appears that I am from much the same generation as both missbiggles and Lily-Rose.


Their experiences seem to be very different from each other. My experience is a mixture of those two very different experiences!


Women I knew on a professional basis - as colleagues or clients or advisers - generally kept their own names when they married.


Women I knew on a personal basis - family, friends, neighbours - generally changed their name on marriage.


It's possible that those who were known as 'Ms Original Name' at work were also known to their family, friends, neighbours, gas suppliers etc as 'Ms Married Name'.


Whatever angle the 'Would you change/keep your name?" threads come from, my view is very much that it depends on what the individual wants to do. Not what everyone else thinks is the done thing.

I am in my 60s and my experience is very much in line with then bolded bit above. It could cause confusion at times as I have found myself hearing things about someone I didn't think I knew but then found out I did. It was quite a shock on one occasion.

I think what you name the children can be a bigger can of worms e.g. my DD wants any children she has to have her name, her boyfriend (prospective husband?) wants them to have his name. No arguments about what name she chooses but big issues about kids.

duchy

Trouble is person one is starting from a viewpoint that in marriage the partnership is not equal.

Was marriage unequal in the past - certainly legally yes it was but today many marriages are equal partnerships and our laws reflect that.

A name change (whether it's the man or woman or combining their names) is as much an outward symbol of marriage as choosing to wear a wedding ring or not. The social convention is you can do it but no-one really cares if you do or not-it's personal choice for both partners and different people have different reasons for doing so -none of those reasons now have anythng to do with the oppression of women and everything to do with a society that offers more social choices than in bygone times.

When I first married in 1980 it would have been socially unusual to have not taken my husbands name - when I remarried in 1991 had I chosen to not take my husband's name no-one would have thought twice about it. Social conventions aren't set in stone but change and evolve (and even revert) even within one lifetime.

quidsy

ex & I will divorce next year, I will keep his name as our son as the same name. It's a pain in the bum name too & would prefer my maiden name to it but for sake of our son will keep it. At least until he is 18. My mum kept her married name after divorce for the same reason but my sister changed hers back & her daughter changed it to mothers maiden name at 16 when she was legally allowed to due to not wanting to be associated with her dad.


People have a multitude of reasons & for others like me, I just don't consider it that much of a big deal.