Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

Pollycat

LE3 wrote: »

ABSOLUTELY!

Let's consider a young lady called Mary Brown. In her early 20s she meet John Parker, and a couple of years later they get married. She decides to change her name to Mary Parker. Both are in their early career stages and move away from their home town for work, change jobs a couple of times in the next few years - Mary establishes herself in a career as Mary Parker & gains additional qualifications etc. Her friends know her as Mary Parker, her colleagues know her as Mary Parker, she IS Mary Parker

A few years down the line, Mary & John divorce. They don't have children (I say this 'cos people seem to understand the woman keeping her name when she's got children but not if she doesn't!)
Mary feels that Mary Brown is the girl she was as a child, not the professional woman she is now - she's been Mary Parker for a long time & that is her name. Mary & John aren't particularly hostile so she doesn't feel the need to distance herself completely from "his name", she feels that the last few years have made her the person she is now & she doesn't feel the need to pretend it never happened - she is Mary Parker. In addition, she doesn't feel she wants to explain a name change to everybody she's ever worked with ... customers, suppliers, colleagues etc

Why should she be forced to become Mary Brown again? It's not her name, nobody knows who Mary Brown is, her professional qualifications/contacts etc are as Mary Parker & most of all she doesn't want to have to deal with people asking about or sticking their noses in about the divorce (assuming they don't immediately assume she's just got married & that's the reason for her name change which would make it doubly awkward for everyone!)

If MARY is happy to be Mary Parker for the rest of her life, why shouldn't she? It's a name - HER name, it may have originated from her ex-husband just as her maiden name originated from her parent, but it doesn't mean that it's not her name!

^^^^^^ I think the post above by LE3 explains perfectly why some (most?) married women dcecide to keep their married name after splitting up/divorcing. :T

It was exactly how I felt.

theoretica

With all the possible combinations and choices of names I can only think of one married couple among my friends where the children got the mother's surname, dad's is a middle name.

missbiggles1

TonyMMM wrote: »

the facts:

Marriage has no effect on anyone's name legally - that is why marriage certificates give both parties names before marriage, with no mention of any name change.

If a woman (or man) chooses to use their spouses name after marriage, that is something for them to decide. They can use their previous name as well if they wish, as many do - keeping personal and professional names different.

It only really becomes an issue when faced with deciding the surname of the children as many have said, although that only started in 1969 (before that birth certificates don't specify a child's surname at all). Couples really need to discuss and agree on that one before they go to register a birth.

No name change requires a deed poll, whether after divorce or not (although it does formally announce the change and make it easier to deal with some officialdom).

Anyone is free to choose/use whatever name they want, so long as it is not for any fraudulent purpose.

Not sure why you thought I was the one to know nothing about it but your information is sound and will be useful to some.:)

chelseablue

My mum got divorced in about 1981 and still uses her married name

missbiggles1

Pollycat wrote: »

My much younger sister wouldn't have kids before she got married.

I don't agree with this though:

A bit too sentimentalist slush for me.

That I can totally agree with. Judi said she wouldn't have had children if she hadn't taken her husband's name - hence my amazement!

missbiggles1

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Yo can be a "feminist" in the true sense of the word (rather than a militant bra burning one;)) and still change your name on marriage.

I would far rather a woman choose to change her name on marriage than take the traditional wedding vows promising to "obey" her husband.

I put my feminist comment into context earlier on in the thread but I totally agree with your second point.

pollyanna24

notanewuser wrote: »

So much wrong with this post.

There's no reason at all to assume boys won't be changing their names. And if changing names is such a hassle, why did you do it in the first place?!

There is a reason to assume they won't be changing their name.

A woman can't just decide to change the children's names. She has to get the ex-husband's permission which isn't very likely to be given.

missbiggles1

lazer wrote: »

I changed my name on marriage as my husband and I are now a family, and families share a surname, may not be a popular view, but it's the way we wanted it.


Only 1 woman I know who has got married hasn't changed their name.


It's very difficult to write formal invitations etc now as there are so many variations.


Mr & Mrs John Smith is much easier to write and to understand than Ms Ann Jones and Mr John Smith.

Goodness, that's even worse - she's even lost her first name now!

tea_lover

pollyanna24 wrote: »

There is a reason to assume they won't be changing their name.

A woman can't just decide to change the children's names. She has to get the ex-husband's permission which isn't very likely to be given.

I think the post meant in the context of the boys as adults choosing to change their names if they get married.

missbiggles1

Pollycat wrote: »

^^^^^^ I think the post above by LE3 explains perfectly why some (most?) married women dcecide to keep their married name after splitting up/divorcing. :T

It was exactly how I felt.

I don't think that most married women (or most people of either gender for that matter) are in that situation. All that business of professional reputations and advanced qualifications is hardly relevant if you work in Tesco or deliver the post, which are more the sort of jobs that most people do.

In fact, as several people on here have said, it's often women in professional jobs who keep their own name in their career, whether or not they use their husband's in their private life.