Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

moneyistooshorttomention

So much easier to just keep your own name in the first place....

I would have kept my own name even if I'd got married and therefore no need to change it if I got divorced later.

My surname doesn't mean anything to anyone where I live now - but back in my own city then some people would have recognised it as "Oh you're the one who did this/did that/did the other". That is they would have recognised my name as someone who had actually "done something" in the community. With a different surname - there would have been all the trouble of explaining "Yes...I'm really money thesurnameyouknow", as otherwise I'd have lost my automatic unspoken "reference" as to what I'm interested in/what I've done/etc and feel I had to "prove myself" all over again iyswim.

That's because I've been a bit of a "career woman" in voluntary work terms (if not paid ones:() and it was good to be recognised as "someone who can do this/knows that/is interested in the other".

I rest my case that I'd have avoided all the "shall I/shant I change my name and then change it back again".:)

missbiggles1

pollyanna24 wrote: »

There is a reason to assume they won't be changing their name.

A woman can't just decide to change the children's names. She has to get the ex-husband's permission which isn't very likely to be given.

That's only true if the father has parental responsibility.

http://www.ukdp.co.uk/child-name-change-court-order/

Pollycat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't think that most married women (or most people of either gender for that matter) are in that situation. All that business of professional reputations and advanced qualifications is hardly relevant if you work in Tesco or deliver the post, which are more the sort of jobs that most people do.

In fact, as several people on here have said, it's often women in professional jobs who keep their own name in their career, whether or not they use their husband's in their private life.

But if you marry quite young - quite usual at the time I'm speaking of - you can still build up your career under your new married name - as I did.

mumps

Originally Posted by pollyanna24
There is a reason to assume they won't be changing their name.

A woman can't just decide to change the children's names. She has to get the ex-husband's permission which isn't very likely to be given.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

That's only true if the father has parental responsibility.

http://www.ukdp.co.uk/child-name-change-court-order/

But if it is a husband he will automatically have parental responsibility, slightly more complicated with unmarried couple.

Lily-Rose_3

lazer wrote: »

I changed my name on marriage as my husband and I are now a family, and families share a surname, may not be a popular view, but it's the way we wanted it.

Only 1 woman I know who has got married hasn't changed their name.

Same here. I don't think I know any woman actually, who kept her surname when she got married. Even professional women. Only really famous women seem to go by their original name. Like Kate Winslet for example... She has been married 4 times, (I think,) but has always been known as Kate Winslet. Then again, she was very famous before she got married to anyone, and everyone knew her as Kate Winslet.

A few women who were already famous with their maiden name changed it, but not many. One example is Victoria Beckham. She was Victoria Adams before she married David Beckham, and she was famous with the Spice Girls, but most people just knew her as 'Posh Spice,' and didn't necessarily know her surname.

Judi wrote: »

I think your going to have to 'paddle your own boat' on this one.

I for one, like having my husband's surname. I look at it as it is my husbands' gift to me after our marriage. For me personally there would have been no children born to our union without it.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Just, wow!!:eek:

Really?

I agree wholeheartedly with Judi. Call me old fashioned, but I would never have had a child out of wedlock. I am not attacking people who do have kids out of wedlock, or saying they are wrong, or I am better than them, but I definitely wanted to be married before I had a baby. And like you Judi, I love me and my husband having the same name.

A woman I know and her partner, had a boy and a girl 2 years apart, back in 2003 and 2005. Several years back when the kids were 7 and 9, the kids started asking why they weren't married.

They explained that they're OK as they are. However, just this summer, they decided to tie the knot, and their son and daughter were over the moon. They were particularly chuffed that they had the same surname as their mother now.

As an aside, I also loathe the term 'Ms.' It just sounds awful to me. It's basically pronounced MUZZ.

Back when I was younger, a Ms was someone who was divorced. (Oh the shame! :rotfl:.)

I am kidding.

If I was single I would just be Miss, and if I was divorced, I would still call myself Mrs, as I was married.

System

A woman can't just decide to change the children's names. She has to get the ex-husband's permission which isn't very likely to be given.

Not true. I never asked for permission when i changed my eldest childrens names to my new married surname.

I'd had no contact from my ex financially or otherwise since the day I went to court re. the arrangements for the children which was about 3 years if i can remember correctly.

No money was asked for maintenance, no contact was asked for.

It was straightforward in my case. I just didnt want the children to have a different surname to me and hubby wasnt keen on going down the adoption route (and neither was i at the time).

Mojisola

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Back when I was younger, a Ms was someone who was divorced.

Some divorced women might have started using Ms rather than Mrs but Ms has never been just for divorced women.

Mr means an adult male; Ms means an adult female.

Neither describe the adult's marital status.

System

I agree wholeheartedly with Judi. Call me old fashioned, but I would never have had a child out of wedlock. I am not attacking people who do have kids out of wedlock, or saying they are wrong, or I am better than them, but I definitely wanted to be married before I had a baby. And like you Judi, I love me and my husband having the same name.

No i dont think any worse of people who dont get married before having children either. In fact my daughter only got married a few months ago and her son is 2.

It just wasnt for me thats all.

mumps

Judi wrote: »

Not true. I never asked for permission when i changed my eldest childrens names to my new married surname.

I'd had no contact from my ex financially or otherwise since the day I went to court re. the arrangements for the children which was about 3 years if i can remember correctly.

No money was asked for maintenance, no contact was asked for.

It was straightforward in my case. I just didnt want the children to have a different surname to me and hubby wasnt keen on going down the adoption route (and neither was i at the time).

My sons ex tried to do this and wasn't able to. Maybe your ex just didn't exercise his rights or maybe he lost them, I think you can if there is no contact for a certain period.

Also I think it depend when it was, I think the law changed about 10 or 12 years ago. I can't remember exactly now but we did check it all out at the time. My son was devastated when his ex said she was going to do it.

The children didn't want to do it either, they knew their names and who their father was and had lots of contact.

Lily-Rose_3

Mojisola wrote: »

Some divorced women might have started using Ms rather than Mrs but Ms has never been just for divorced women.

Mr means an adult male; Ms means an adult female.

Neither describe the adult's marital status.

Yes you're right. Thank you. What I meant (and should have said) is that when I was younger, a woman who was a 'Ms' generally tended to be divorced. Very few women who were single went by the term 'Ms,' they were just 'Miss' usually. (But yes, I know 'Ms' means 'single' too.

Judi wrote: »

No i dont think any worse of people who dont get married before having children either. In fact my daughter only got married a few months ago and her son is 2.

It just wasnt for me thats all.

Same for me Judi.