Friend is a mess

indsty

OP - you need to separate yourself from this person. Give her the ultimatum - when she starts seriously working on her problem then in a year's time you are prepared to see her again. She will drag you down, disorganise your life and cause you no end of heartache. If she has been referred for counselling then she will be put in touch with professionals who can try to help. You have done as much as you can, and as much as you should. You have tried to be a good friend and have had nothing back. As long as you tolerate this in any way you are helping her to continue. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you are the priority as far as I am concerned.

Primrose

I think the hardest thing you have to recognise is that unless or until your friend decides to do something proactive about confronting her condition you might as well give up trying to support her.

I speak with some experience, having had an alcoholic relative who ended up dead as a result of his addiction. You have to work out how much of her grief you can accept and deal with before your own life gets inevitably sucked in to the point where she goes down and ends up taking you with her.

Sorry to be so blunt. Sounds like the time has come for you to tell her you are now pulling out until she accepts responsibility for herself. And then stick to it until she does so.

TBagpuss

As others have said, you cannot help or change her. Only she can change, and at the moment it seems that's not what she wants.

What you can do, is stop enabling her. You can make a choice that you will stop paying for anything for her. No exceptions. You can make a choice that you will not be around her when she is drinking or under the influence.

You say she is a functional alcoholic and that she drinks evenings and weekends - I'd be worrying about whether, and how often she is driving to work while still drunk, as well as the damage she is doing to herself.

I'd also start to protect yourself. If you continue to spend time with her, decide what your boundaries are and stick to them. For instance, planto meet up with her for coffee in the daytime, not drinks or a meal in the evening. Don't let her guilt or push you into being responsible for her, whether it is buying her drinks, getting her home, giving her money when she has spent hers.
You may find that she will drop you, once she realises that she can no longer use you.

What good points does she have?nothing you've described so far is remotely attractive, so what is she bringing to your friendship (not what did she bring, in the past, but right now. How does this relationship benefit you? How does she support you?