Friend is a mess

tomtontom

Mr_Toad wrote: »

Not all councilors are CPNs and not all CPNs are CBT councilors.

As long as the councilor is properly trained and qualified it doesn't matter. Most of the first Mrs Toad's colleagues in the drugs and alcohol team are qualified.

Perhaps in other NHS Trusts it's different.

You're talking about a specialist team, not the IAPT offering that the friend appears to have been referred to. A low intensity therapist is not qualified to deal with addictions.

This is why OP/ their friend needs to speak to a signposting service/ charity that can direct her to the most appropriate service, because if they don't get it right first time she'll inevitably be reluctant to go back and ask for help again.

System

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Yep I've tried coke myself back in my youf... but I've not got the addictive personality that she has I don't think.

On a side note, it's also making her kind of a rubbish friend to be honest. My Dad died earlier this month so I feel comments like 'I don't want to live any more' are a bit close to the bone for me. Well maybe she should have been in that hospital bed then and not him (my innermost thoughts - can't help it). She's also let me down several times due to being too hungover, although she says all the right things usually. Her boyfriend also brought coke to his wake. Nice.

Sometimes the best thing for you to do is walk away. You have tried to help her and by the sound of it your help hasn't been appreciated. Who wants a friend like that?

Its a part of life severing ties with people who you once considered a friend. Times change and so do people i'm afraid.

Newlyboughthouse

tomtontom wrote: »

You're talking about a specialist team, not the IAPT offering that the friend appears to have been referred to. A low intensity therapist is not qualified to deal with addictions.

This is why OP/ their friend needs to speak to a signposting service/ charity that can direct her to the most appropriate service, because if they don't get it right first time she'll inevitably be reluctant to go back and ask for help again.

Yes I'm actually texting friend as I post and told her she needs to go back to doctors and get them to refer her to a CPN specialising in drugs and alcohol. She said they have, and she has phoned twice but got nowhere, and that she will have to go it alone. I am now researching charities in the area.

jrtfan

Could you try and persuade her to ask her GP for a liver function test? If her enzyme levels came back elevated then maybe it would be more of a wake-up call and make her mind up to seek help?

barbiedoll

Personally, I'd walk away now. I know that sounds harsh but until she realises that she has several problems (drink, drugs, enabling BF, possible depression etc) that each need dealing with, you will not be able to help her, no matter how good your intentions.

I met my (ex) best friend at primary school, she developed a drink problem when she was a teenager, she had liver problems and was told that if she didn't stop drinking to excess, she wouldn't live to see 30. She's still here, at 51 and still drinking.

She was a tedious, boring and occasionally stroppy drunk. She has ruined many social occasions with her unacceptable behaviour, she has made inappropriate advances to the partners of her friends (mine included), she has yelled at our children and she was just awful to be around. I later found out, within our social circle, that she was only invited to everything because she was "my" friend. She told outrageous (and untrue) stories about me, including that my ex-husband made a pass at her at every opportunity.

She made noises about giving up drinking several times. I offered to go with her to AA meetings, I offered to give up drinking with her, I gave her every chance to take my support. But in the end, I had to let her go. I'd simply had enough.

I haven't seen her now for around 5 years and I still miss her. I don't know why she started drinking, she was so much fun without it, the life and soul of the party. Alcoholism is always a tragedy, but there's only so much that an onlooker can do. Sadly.

Newlyboughthouse

barbiedoll wrote: »

Personally, I'd walk away now. I know that sounds harsh but until she realises that she has several problems (drink, drugs, enabling BF, possible depression etc) that each need dealing with, you will not be able to help her, no matter how good your intentions.

I met my (ex) best friend at primary school, she developed a drink problem when she was a teenager, she had liver problems and was told that if she didn't stop drinking to excess, she wouldn't live to see 30. She's still here, at 51 and still drinking.

She was a tedious, boring and occasionally stroppy drunk. She has ruined many social occasions with her unacceptable behaviour, she has made inappropriate advances to the partners of her friends (mine included), she has yelled at our children and she was just awful to be around. I later found out, within our social circle, that she was only invited to everything because she was "my" friend. She told outrageous (and untrue) stories about me, including that my ex-husband made a pass at her at every opportunity.

She made noises about giving up drinking several times. I offered to go with her to AA meetings, I offered to give up drinking with her, I gave her every chance to take my support. But in the end, I had to let her go. I'd simply had enough.

I haven't seen her now for around 5 years and I still miss her. I don't know why she started drinking, she was so much fun without it, the life and soul of the party. Alcoholism is always a tragedy, but there's only so much that an onlooker can do. Sadly.

Seems so harsh to walk away. Do you say that because of what I said about the rubbish friend thing? Your ex friend sounds like a complete nightmare, my friend nowhere near as bad, although the selfishness does hurt a little.

VfM4meplse

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

How much more rock bottom can you get than the doctor telling her she will need surgery next time? She said at the time that was a massive wake up call. Clearly all forgotten now.

Human nature, I'm afraid. Addiction pushes it that much further, and your friend is at the top of a very slippery slope.

Perhaps you might help her best by asking what it is she is living for. If the next high is at the top of her list, then she's not ready to change.

madharrier

If she is an alcoholic, she will have to fail to learn the consequences first.

Analogy:
If you every fall into a lake river while in your car, you need to wait until the cabin is full of water, before trying to open the door in order to escape.

Hold steady.

marmiterulesok

It doesn't matter what you do or say;she will carry on this self destructive path until she finally decides to act/reaches rock bottom and has no choice but to change or dies.

I know it sounds hard,but I'm tempted to say just walk away.

jaydeeuk1

Lifes too short to constantly worry about other people. Get some other friends who put you before their next fix. If she lost her job no doubt she would turn to crime or pay for her addiction. If she ends up dead, well its one less junkie in the world.