Housekeeping money to your parents/from your children

pigpen

cazs wrote: »

I'm surprised how many parents charge their own children to live in their own home. If my parents had done that to me there's no way I'd be able to save up a good deposit for my flat. I know a few people give it back later but otherwise....

I paid the deposits for my childrens first rented place because I could.. I let them save the deposit first.. then I paid it.. if they could save a deposit they had learned to be careful with money.. and giving a child the expectation that there are no costs to running a home is unrealistic.. this is real life and you were lucky your parents were well off enough to keep you for nothing.. I can barely afford to feed mine as it is to lose anything would make running the home even more difficult.


My job is to teach my children to function in the real world.. in the real world there are bills which must be paid first before you can spend money on trivialities. If they can't afford board, they cant afford to live independently where 95% of their income will be bill money!

onlyroz

I don't think you do your adult children any favours by letting them live with you rent free. We have a friend who lived rent free with his grandmother for over a decade as an adult. As a result he has absolutely no money management skills - the apartment he did manage to buy was repossessed and he's now back to being penniless again, and living in a house-share at age 42.

Spirit_2

Our daughter pays a modest sum for housekeeping as she understands that no one can live for free and she is a fully functioning adult. Housekeeping is only one bit of the family financial mix and I think it reflects personal choices and parental resources. Wat we do would not work for all families nor would it work for us if we had more than one child, so we would have to do different.

Housekeeping started when she began working fulltime after post grad degree. She was 23 and had lived at home throughout her two degrees, we had paid her tuition fees for her first degree and she worked pt and paid for her MA.

We paid for travel in her two gap years, bought her first car, paid 50% of her second and a third of her current car. We have set aside money for a deposit for a property.

Housekeeping is about recognising personal responsibility and budgeting for living expenses.

The education costs reflect our belief that we were fully responsible for her education up to undergrad degree and the travel was to reward her achievements.

The car contributions are about gifting a helping hand as is the house deposit, as her generation have a harder time getting started than we did and we would rather help her now than accrue her a bigger inheritance.

Her housekeeping money is not earmarked it is just part of offsetting the household expenses. In addition she will bring home bits of shopping ( i am pretty housebound) and rarely asks us to pay her for it, although we often guess what we owe her and transfer that money to her.

I like her approach to money, she has never asked us for anything, any loans from us were promptly repaid, she budgets for her other expenses, is generous within her means and saves for big ticket items.

Pollycat

pigpen wrote: »

My job is to teach my children to function in the real world.. in the real world there are bills which must be paid first before you can spend money on trivialities. If they can't afford board, they cant afford to live independently where 95% of their income will be bill money!

I think this is one of the most sensible comments about charging kids 'housekeeping' that I've ever read. :T

VfM4meplse

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Personally I think that once a child is earning a regular income they should contribute to the family finances. How much depends upon the family's financial situation.
It does annoy me when you come across young people with a huge disposable income because they don't contribute whilst their parents have very little disposable income because they're still financing their children.
Jen

Having a large disposable income does not mean it will be squandered. As people go through life and mature, their material wants lessen anyway.

onlyroz wrote: »

I don't think you do your adult children any favours by letting them live with you rent free.

I am living proof that you do.

Being able to save hard meant I could move into my own home and stand on my own two feet sooner. My parents did not charge me to make a point as you have suggested; they trusted me to do what was best for myself. They would have been happy for me to live with them forever, btw.

Pollycat

onlyroz wrote: »

I don't think you do your adult children any favours by letting them live with you rent free.

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I am living proof that you do.

And my youngest sister is living proof that you don't.

Only now - well into middle age - has she finally found some financial sense. And that is after being bailed out of financial trouble a number of times by bank of Mum & Dad over the years.

So I guess it really does depend on the individual, not the amount of housekeeping that is charged (or not charged).

kazwookie

I 'was' going to be charged housekeeping, didn't like the idea, so moved out, I was 17, never really went back.............just got on with life and working

Lunar_Eclipse

AubreyMac wrote: »

In the end they agreed they will take house keeping money but will secretly put this aside and will return it to him in a lump sum when he's ready to move out or when he needs it.

This is what my parents did with me, when I worked for about 6 months of a GAP year, before travelling. They gave it back to me to help with university.

After I graduated, I moved home/stayed with boyfriend's family for a few months and had a full time job. I don't think I paid any housekeeping during this time, but was saving for a flat and car. DH & I got a flat together.

DD1 plans to study medicine, so is likely to go straight from school to uni to work. I don't think she'll move back home (typical independent first born: she says she isn't and is probably correct) but if she does, I doubt we'll charge housekeeping but she'll be expected to do her own laundry and some cooking/grocery shopping etc.

DD2 is more likely to come back after uni (home comforts) but in reality it all depends on how quickly she finds a job and where it is. She's much more likely to go to London and flatshare with friends I think.

If they do come home, we need to work out the best way to maximise their savings so they can get a place on their own, which may well be through charging 'housekeeping.' I'm going to be lost without them, but will encourage them to spread their wings and live their own dreams. They are both currently planning on moving to the other side of the world (dual citizenship) after they finish their education.

euronorris

When I first started full time work, it was about £140 odd per month. I can't remember the exact figure. Which, actually, I still think is very cheap.


After DH and I moved back to the UK from NL, my parents took us in rent free until I got a job. As soon as I did I was offering my Mum housekeeping, but she refused. At first. Then she admitted that they required a contribution from us, which was not a problem. In the end we settled on £200 per month. I tried to offer more, but again this was rejected. The logic being that, if they took the bare minimum required from us to cover the extras in bills, we would be able to save up to move out much more quickly. Which we did and we are enormously grateful to my parents for their help and support.

suited-aces

If you're trying to get out of the full financial responsibilities of child-rearing before they turn 18, then you shouldn't have had children. By all means mandate them to save a portion, but until they're 18 it's up to you provide for them (although telling them to earn their luxuries is fair enough).


18 and above, it's a negotiation game.