Time to grow up.

Kitten868

Cor blimey Megano. First thing look up your works policy on adoption. I think you are entitled to leave on completing an adoption.
You've acknowledged the reasons why you're in debt, you've made active steps to address that behaviour. No matter what you're not going backwards, only forwards on the debt (even if it has to grow for a bit to accommodate some changes).
Why do you have to move for nursery? It's not like school - they aren't about catchment areas and I'm sure given the situation would be more lenient for continuity of care. FLP isn't in an everyday situation, I'm sure there's some wiggle room.
London is as expensive or cheap as you want it to be. The best way to 'experience' London to me is walking around but it's tricky when you don't know where you are. Look up online how much for those bus tours and what you want to do and book online? Use Tesco vouchers? Make a day of it with the person you're going with planning out what you want to do. I haven't lived in London for nearly 5 years so I have no idea what inflation has done.
I don't PAD and there is a challenge board to give you ideas on how to do it. I just make payments when I get money. I sell stuff throughout the month which keeps the motivation going running out of stuff though. You can do it by rounding your account down to a round £1 or £5. It's totally up to you. I do find it keeps me going to be making payments throughout the month so definitely worth looking at.
Where are you at with money now? You've been doing so well xxx

Megano

I just wrote a massive long post but is seems to have disappeared.

Basically OH got a phone call from social services that they are taking legal action to put FLP up for adoption and would we be willing to take him. We always knew that this could happen but like all "worst case possible" back up plans we hoped it never would.
So we phoned BIL lawyer who said I need to see you both NOW I was at W1 so I had to get emergency time off (which my manager was not happy about but f**k him) mad dash 15 mile dash and the lawyer basically went cards on the table its no longer a case of if you adopt FLP its now a case of when. I sat there totally stunned like BIL has changed! He's turned his life around! He's a great dad and his lawyer said he'll always be considered a risk because of the amount of times he's relapsed and the amount of time he's been in jail.
I was like okay...so when are we talking it will be a good few years right? Turns out adoptions move pretty quickly as he thinks it will be within 6-12 months (thats even if social services are going for in family adoption)
Turns out the lawyer cant even be our lawyer as its conflict of interests.

Kitten868

Bloody hell. Worse case scenario is that he goes to another family. Your bil is blessed to have you both. Start the paperwork. You have your in laws to help.
It's all going to be ok. You'll be a team together xxx

Kitten868

Can't stop thinking about you all. Hope it's all going well. Got your lawyer and everything x

Megano

So the family lawyer advised us to "sit on our hands" for the time being until he finds out from social services wether they are a planning on an in family (which would be us) or an external (strangers) adoption. We havnt heard anything back yet so no news is good news I guess.
Im so angry at the both of them both BIL and his Ex. I KNOW they are recovering addicts and done stuff they regret but they should have got there s**t together when she fell pregnant like gone to rehab or something or just TRIED to get totally clean (BIL thinks he's clean because he doesn't do heroin anymore but he clearly does other stuff) like OH and I's life is never going to be the same again and of course we want to keep FLP in the family that goes without question but its just so much to absorb. I could honestly cry and scream at the situation I just want to go hide in a corner somewhere.
The annoying thing is trying to keep up appearances at work going in and talking to all these strangers like I dont have a care in the world.
Ever since we got this news my OCD has been going crazy "what if""what if" every minute of the day going round in my head and its exhausting. I phoned the shrink to go back and explain everything with her.

Kitten868

It's all very overwhelming. Of course it is. Freak out - now is a great time to freak out - you're not parents yet. Have a total meltdown. Work out a plan. Then have a freak out again.
Are you considering not adopting him? And why can't your in laws adopt him?
In a years time you don't imagine life without him with you all the time. X

Megano

Kitten868 wrote: »

Are you considering not adopting him? And why can't your in laws adopt him?

Im afraid nana and papa are too old to be considered to be FLP's adoptive parents as for FLP's "mums" side they don't have anything to do with the little guy for numerous reasons. Mostly because social services say they are not allowed to as BIL-exGF was in care herself due to her mum and dads drug selling and abuse (talk about familys going full circle) so it honestly puts OH and I in a really really awkward situation as its us or he goes up for external adoption.
OH and I have spoken about it and as much as we are terrified we are ready to step up to the plate when it comes. The lawyer himself said it cant happen overnight so until then we are both going to focus on clearing these debts and then the next logical step is to save up for a forever home for all 3 of us. (who knows maybe OH and I will adopt another little one who will call us mum and dad*)
*OH is adamant FLP knows who his dad and who his mum was is so we will always be aunty and uncle.
Both paydays tomorrow and Ive worked out I can throw £300 Capital Ones way so technically I SHOULD be cleared of it next month but Ive decided Im going to keep it open and use it for small tiny everyday purchases to try and repair my credit report as *cough* I had loads of missed payments to my mobile phone last year due to changing my bank.

Kitten868

So when you say forever home do you mean mortgage? Those missed payments wouldn't affect getting a rental property
Hoping that all this adoption stuff is straight forward. Make sure your current place is up to scratch. I have never done this so i don't know. I know there's family boards on here, there might be an adoption board? X

Kitten868

Well done on clearing the credit card! Just the overdraft to go! I see the hmrc as just a monthly expense x

Megano

The problem with getting multiple payments is trying to work out how much we need to pay Peter and how much we need to pay Paul so on paper today I should have been able to pay £370 but what has happened is with OH getting paid last week and giving me 1/2 bill money Ive found that Ive dipped into it (as all the bills come out of my account) so I need to replace it but still I managed to get another £163.99 off the CC (granted not as much as I would like but look at the difference compared to when I first started the diary nearly 20% off my debt is gone in the first month!) Got a little boost as I checked the snowballing calculator and according to it I should be debt free within 6 months.

Felt so bad last night me and OH have really been at each others throats recently. Im the sort of person who wants to get things organised and done yesterday kinda girl while the OH is more lets wait and see kinda guy So Ive been like OH we'll need to look at houses to move to, we need to get furniture (the telly, mirrors, microwave and carnival lights are ours everything else is the landlords*) what about this? What about that? and OH is like your driving me crazy! Que shouting at each other "This is your brothers fault" "Im not ready" "What are we going to do?" little did we know the FM was in (as shes been staying at her boyfriends recently) and heard the whole argument. I felt really bad as it was quite late at night (cause I finished work at 11) but shes a doctor so Im sure she understands how stressful the whole situation is. We cleared the air and decided to settle down and watch corrie on catch up first advert that pops up on the screen was "Extend your family with Glasgow fostering and adoption" then it was "Fosters - who turn out to be a funeral director" I swear the universe is playing a really a really horrible joke on us.
* I wonder if he would sell his furniture to us as this was his lads pad before moving in with his wife

Going forward from Monday Im determined
- to take my own lunches to work (been guilty of spending about £5 on lunch a day dont even want to think about what I spend on snacks at break
- no more taxis at all
- to start PADDING - granted its only going to be to the nearest £1 however (and if youve been reading my diary you'll know Im a great fan of this expression) you only need 100 pennys to make a pound and only 100 pounds to make 100 pounds :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: