Best man speech

Anatidaephobia

The worst best man's speeches I've heard have mainly involved an overload of jokes from the internet. You could get away with maybe using a couple but if your speech is heavily dependent on typical internet best man jokes then it won't be original or funny.

The best speeches have been light hearted and funny, and included a PG rated story, usually of something they got up to when they were kids. Despite popular belief, the ideal speech should not shock everyone and you shouldn't be spilling all the groom's secrets either.

duchy

Gavin83 wrote: »

I'll likely drink a glass or 2 to settle the nerves somewhat but certainly not enough that I can't talk properly. The only issue is that this can sometimes be a fine line.

Often that fine line can impair judgement of humour and that's when you decide to throw in extra funnies that you think are hilarious -and go down like a lead balloon.

I'd steer clear til after !!

As for the wet himself story .......I'm assuming you aren't expecting to remain friends with the bride and groom after the wedding....... Presumably you were asked as you and the groom are close friends- Why would you choose to humiliate him on his special day in front of all his friends and family?

As for the losing his virginity story ...... really? How old are you -you'll sound like an immature schoolboy making a smutty joke at your supposed best friend's expense. Still at least no one will ask you to be best man ever again

Drunk best man trying to humiliate the groom is funny in a certain type of movie- not in real life ....Have you actually attended a wedding before where the best man has made a speech ?

Your mate and the families will have spent thousands on the day .....why would you want to make him look small in front of everyone ? Keep it short and nice and PG rated ....and keep your mate !!

Get the off-colour stories out of your system on the stag night instead

dirty_magic

fairy_lights wrote: »

No, no, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO, NO.

Agree. Take the virginity story out! The other about her being the only girlfriend you've got along with and the drunk one are fine though!

I'd avoid any sexual references at all, and if they're one of these couples that had a 'break' or were on/off I'd avoid any references to that. I've been to a couple of weddings where the best man has mentioned the time that they broke up, it makes me cringe!

DKLS

Gavin83 wrote: »

One of my 'stories' is about when the groom lost his virginity. It's the one thing I think might potentially be pushing the boundaries a little and I'm 50/50 if I should take it out or not.

I'm also planning on telling a story about when the groom !!!!ed himself when drunk and tried to pretend he split a drink. I'm happy I can get away with that one though.

Do you think making a comment along the lines of her being the only one of his girlfriends I've ever gotten along with is acceptable? I'd kind of present it in a jokey way even though it's true.

No take them out immediately, its one thing giving the Groom a gentle ribbing but humiliating him on his wedding day is a big no no. No one will think your clever or funny if you take cheap shots its their day being shared with the people they love.

Remember you will have a mixed audience for your speech not a room full of squaddies! tailor it appropriately.

euronorris

Gavin83 wrote: »

One of my 'stories' is about when the groom lost his virginity. It's the one thing I think might potentially be pushing the boundaries a little and I'm 50/50 if I should take it out or not.



Good God NO! Most brides don't want to hear that story! And they certainly don't want their friends and family to hear it also!

I'm also planning on telling a story about when the groom !!!!ed himself when drunk and tried to pretend he split a drink. I'm happy I can get away with that one though.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Wrong audience! This isn't a room full of your mates on a night out. These are family members, on both sides, as well as a complete mixture of friends and partners/spouses.

Do you think making a comment along the lines of her being the only one of his girlfriends I've ever gotten along with is acceptable? I'd kind of present it in a jokey way even though it's true.

No, this couple are committing themselves to each other for the rest of their lives and sharing that declaration of love with the people closest to them. They've likely spent a lot of money on this wedding, and even if they haven't, they will have spent a lot of time on planning it. Don't be the guy that throws it all off by basically saying 'At least I approve of this one!'. It won't come across in the way you think it will.


You'd be better off saying something like:


'Growing up, I sometimes doubted if XXX would find a good woman. I'm not sure how he managed it, but I'm pleased to say he found a real gem in XXX, and even convinced her to marry him!'


That way, you're having a bit of a rib at him, whilst complimenting the bride.


Go on to say something about how stunning she looks today, and how gorgeous all of the bridesmaids are.

Pollycat

Gavin83 wrote: »

What sort of praise? If I comment on how beautiful the bridesmaids look (or a similar compliment) I genuinely think people will think I'm taking the pee and it could go down terribly.

I can't help thinking that you appear to have no idea about making a speech as best man.

And despite asking for advice, you insist on posting stuff about what you plan to say which most posters think is too near the knuckle.

spend_or_save

Things to inluce are:

stories about all his ex's and sexual anticts growing up
tales of all the time you have broke the law together
throw in a few mother in law jokes
maybe a joke about how you are only mates with him because you fancy his mum
include lots of in-jokes from all the wild boys holidays you and him have had
and make sure the show goes on for a good while and the audience gets its money worth

if you avoid all of the above you should be fine!!

belfastgirl23

I kind of think the best 'best man' speeches gently rib the groom about things that everyone knows about him. So at my brother's wedding they ribbed him about the schedule being timed to the minute (he's a control freak about time lol) and how he'd have the best man shot if he ran a minute over. A good friend who got married lately was ribbed about how he used his birthday money to pay for it (he's known for being tight). Another one took the form of a users manual for the bride - with the beginning 'we can all stop pretending he's normal now'. But the advice was again gentle and made the bride laugh with recognition eg don't leave him alone with your selection box (he's got a real sweet tooth). They don't sound that funny here but because they relied on traits that were really commonly known about the grooms, they worked in context.

My advice is also run it by a close female relative who knows both the bride and groom well and can flag up any potential problems. I read one for a friend of mine who had accidentally suggested that the bride was pregnant :eek: when what they meant to say was that the groom would be a great dad.