Husband of 40 years admitted he cross dresses

lisyloo

I think the lie would be more difficult for most women to handle than the cross-dressing - just like an affair.

Anatidaephobia

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I follow the logic on that. But that's assuming you've married the person you thought you had iyswim.
...
In that case its a sort of moral Trades Description Act - that you married one person (you thought) - but got another very different person instead iyswim.

I think this is where opinions are split though... Some people will say that he is still the same person, you've learned something new about him but he's still the same person you married, whereas others believe this changes everything and can't see him the same way any more.

I agree that the difficult thing to accept is the lying. Particularly when it doesn't just involve wearing particular clothes in your own home, but actually stretches to going on holiday with someone else for years and lying about it.

mumps

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

I think this is where opinions are split though... Some people will say that he is still the same person, you've learned something new about him but he's still the same person you married, whereas others believe this changes everything and can't see him the same way any more.

I agree that the difficult thing to accept is the lying. Particularly when it doesn't just involve wearing particular clothes in your own home, but actually stretches to going on holiday with someone else for years and lying about it.

I think it would make me question myself as much as my husband. Why would a man I have chosen to share my life with not feel able to tell me this? What does that say about me? Might be my Catholic guilt, always looking to find the fault in me.

no1catman

I did a 'poll' in relation to discovered 'skeletons in the cupboard' sometime ago with cross-dressing' included as an option.


The consensus at the time as I recall, was that most could live with that.


Sadly, the Poll got canned before the debate could continue - someone objected to one of the categories!

VeGGie-STyLe

no1catman wrote: »

I did a 'poll' in relation to discovered 'skeletons in the cupboard' sometime ago with cross-dressing' included as an option.

The consensus at the time as I recall, was that most could live with that.

Sadly, the Poll got canned before the debate could continue - someone objected to one of the categories!

Do you know which one was objected to?
and what were the others?

no1catman

VeGGie-STyLe wrote: »

Do you know which one was objected to?
and what were the others?

I think there was a couple about another relationship - one straight, and one gay (curious to see if any difference between the two), but the problem one was a '!!!!!phile' option now I didn't make any favourable inference, but the mere fact that it was an option - was objectionable to someone. I perhaps included it as a measure of extreme range that such a 'skeleton' could be!


On a slightly difference tack, I wonder any store assistants here who have suspected men of buying women's clothes for themselves - have you asked outright, what happened, or let them get on with it?

Gigervamp

I have a couple of Twitter friends, they're married and he's a cross dresser. She was complaining that when they go to a beauty counter, she gets told the price, whereas once her husband shows the women on the counter a couple of pics of him dressed as a woman, he gets loads of freebies! :rotfl:

Anatidaephobia

no1catman wrote: »

On a slightly difference tack, I wonder any store assistants here who have suspected men of buying women's clothes for themselves - have you asked outright, what happened, or let them get on with it?

When I worked as a store assistant, it never occurred to me to quiz the customers about the reasons for their purchase.

VeGGie-STyLe

no1catman wrote: »

I think there was a couple about another relationship - one straight, and one gay (curious to see if any difference between the two), but the problem one was a '!!!!!phile' option now I didn't make any favourable inference, but the mere fact that it was an option - was objectionable to someone. I perhaps included it as a measure of extreme range that such a 'skeleton' could be!

It can absolutely be. I was in a relationship with somebody who turned out to be a p@edophile (assuming that is what you meant? Although it could be any sort of -phile). We lived together for about 8 years before I found out, and even then I only found out when it was published in a national newspaper (try swallowing that with your morning coffee!!) I had even slept through a police raid & his arrest in our home 8 months prior.

idk what my point is.... Just that extremes do happen.

no1catman

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

When I worked as a store assistant, it never occurred to me to quiz the customers about the reasons for their purchase.

But, to help them make the right selection, you may ask about size etc., and if the answer is so evasive you may wonder. And if you wonder, would you ask (discretely of course) - yet it could have good and bad outcomes - either the customer buys, or complains!