Miscarriage advice........

lazer

My advice would be do not visit her or take her out for a meal on the due date - in my opinion it is a day for her and her husband, so unless they ask you to do something do not offer.


Flowers may be an option depending on your friend but as above, send them with a gift saying for a great friend or similar, do not mention the miscarriage directly.


It is a very difficult time for the parents, and you should follow their lead in how to mark it.

[Deleted User]

spend_or_save wrote: »

My wife and i suffered a miscarriage earlier this year, we found out at 12 weeks, and had not told anyone about the pregnancy, i can you tell now the fact it is commonplace, no one else knew, and it was still early days did not make it any less heartbreaking to deal with, especially for my wife. Lots of bad things are very common, it should not takeaway from the impact they can have.

In saying that, and its a very individual thing, my wife would have hated getting flowers as a reminder, i would perhaps steer clear of something specific to the miscarriage and as others have said just maybe visit your friend/go for dinner etc and let her bring it up if she wants to.

Your friend is very lucky to have such a good mate.

Thanks spendorsave for your reply, sorry to hear that this is something you & your wife has experienced personally.

I won't mention anything about the miscarriage at all, it is up to her to start any conversations about that.

Dxxx

[Deleted User]

lazer wrote: »

My advice would be do not visit her or take her out for a meal on the due date - in my opinion it is a day for her and her husband, so unless they ask you to do something do not offer.


Flowers may be an option depending on your friend but as above, send them with a gift saying for a great friend or similar, do not mention the miscarriage directly.


It is a very difficult time for the parents, and you should follow their lead in how to mark it.

Thanks lazer, anything that I do or send to her won't have any mention about the miscarriage like you all say its best not to directly point out that this is why I am doing it.

I will follow their lead & appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Dxxx

lollyb84

I suffered a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks - miscarriages are common (look at the number of people who have suffered them on this thread for example). Whilst they may be common, it doesn't make them hurt any less when they happen to you.

When my due date rolled around, I was fortunate enough to be pregnant again, and past the 12 week mark. No-one else remembered (and I didn't expect them to), but my husband and I marked the date with a 'date night' - a nice dinner at home, a movie and some popcorn/chocolate on the sofa. We spoke about our sadness, but also our plans for the future, and the new pregnancy. Just because I was pregnant again, it didn't make it any easier. Even now, when someone mentions that date, we smile at each other in acknowledgement that whilst it means nothing to anyone else, it is special to us.

So, that is my long winded way of saying, what a great friend you are - it would be lovely of you to remember the date, but allow your friend and her husband the time together. Perhaps take her for lunch the day before/after, and a quick text on the day to let her know you are thinking of her?

Best Wishes whatever you decide to do. xx

wendz86

I would say its quite individual. I had a mmc at 16 weeks and if anyone had remembered the due date it would have been very thoughtful to get flowers but might have made me cry too. My due date was a strange day as I was pregnant again but still obviously sad about what should have been.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I personally do not like to mention people's medical issues unless they raise the subject first. Other than a deliberately vague "how's it going then?" I will avoid the topic. I think it's a bit rude to talk about people's health uninvited, although judging by conversations between old dears on buses many are more than happy to talk all day about their "plumbing"!

When a friend was undergoing IVF treatment, I told her I'd not mention it until she did, but that I was always there if she needed to rant/sob. Make it clear to your friend that you're always there for her and I'm sure it'll be appreciated.

[Deleted User]

lollyb84 wrote: »

I suffered a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks - miscarriages are common (look at the number of people who have suffered them on this thread for example). Whilst they may be common, it doesn't make them hurt any less when they happen to you.

When my due date rolled around, I was fortunate enough to be pregnant again, and past the 12 week mark. No-one else remembered (and I didn't expect them to), but my husband and I marked the date with a 'date night' - a nice dinner at home, a movie and some popcorn/chocolate on the sofa. We spoke about our sadness, but also our plans for the future, and the new pregnancy. Just because I was pregnant again, it didn't make it any easier. Even now, when someone mentions that date, we smile at each other in acknowledgement that whilst it means nothing to anyone else, it is special to us.

So, that is my long winded way of saying, what a great friend you are - it would be lovely of you to remember the date, but allow your friend and her husband the time together. Perhaps take her for lunch the day before/after, and a quick text on the day to let her know you are thinking of her?

Best Wishes whatever you decide to do. xx

Thanks lolly, sorry to hear that this is something you have experienced personally.

It is certainly a day for them to spend as they wish, I will just make sure to arrange something nice around that time for her.

D xxx

[Deleted User]

wendz86 wrote: »

I would say its quite individual. I had a mmc at 16 weeks and if anyone had remembered the due date it would have been very thoughtful to get flowers but might have made me cry too. My due date was a strange day as I was pregnant again but still obviously sad about what should have been.

Thanks for replying wendz, sorry to hear that this is something you have experienced personally.

It would definitely make her cry, I think that maybe I am best to leave that & just be available to her as I always am anyway.

Dxxx

[Deleted User]

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I personally do not like to mention people's medical issues unless they raise the subject first. Other than a deliberately vague "how's it going then?" I will avoid the topic. I think it's a bit rude to talk about people's health uninvited, although judging by conversations between old dears on buses many are more than happy to talk all day about their "plumbing"!

When a friend was undergoing IVF treatment, I told her I'd not mention it until she did, but that I was always there if she needed to rant/sob. Make it clear to your friend that you're always there for her and I'm sure it'll be appreciated.

Thanks for replying, I think you are right in the fact that I just need to make it clear that I am here for her anytime she needs me, it was just the fact that very recently it came up in conversation.

Dxxx