Miscarriage advice........

[Deleted User]

ognum wrote: »

Pregnant mums can work out their due date from the date of their last menstral period when they are just one day late.

I would talk with her about it, ask her how she wants to commemorate the time. It is hard for us to know whether she would like to be alone, be with friends or just her partner, talk about it or keep the baby in her thoughts.

We all grieve differently what can be useful to one person will not to another. Talk to her and she will tell you. What a great friend you are to think about it.

Thanks ognum, everyone does deal with these things differently.


I just want to be sensitive & not hurt her feelings.


Dxxx

[Deleted User]

Bean83 wrote: »

Does your friend want to be reminded of it? Does she talk about it with you? If she hasn't mentioned it for a while, then I would be reluctant to bring it up for fear of upsetting her further, particularly if she is trying to forget the date in question and move on.

She has brought it up very recently during a conversation.


Its the thought of upsetting her that is making me wonder if it would be the right thing to do.


Dxxx

[Deleted User]

FBaby wrote: »

That's the problem, not two people will react the same, so it's very hard to know what the right thing. In my case, I would have been extremely touched by the gesture (and that you'd remembered the due date).

There is one thing that upset me after the miscarriage and that was people telling me 'don't worry, it will happen again quickly'. I wanted to shout back 'how do you know?'. As it turned out, they were wrong.

It is hard to know what the right thing to do is.


Thanks for replying & sorry to hear that you have experienced this yourself.


Dxxx

[Deleted User]

Gelly123 wrote: »

What a thoughtful gesture for your friend.

I would say, talk to your friend in advance to see if they plan to do something to commemorate their baby on that particular date - and please remember her partner too, it's not just the lady that experiences grief at the loss of a baby.

As Fbaby says and from personal experience of 4 miscarriages in 20 months, I would have also been extremely touched by the kind thought. It doesn't have to be anything big, the smallest of gestures would be appreciated. Other than my husband, nobody has remembered any of our "special dates" but I can assure you, we wouldn't forget them.

What a lovely person you are - wish there were many more people like you!
Gelly
x

Thanks Gelly.


I really appreciate you replying & I am sorry to hear that you have experienced this yourself.


Dxxx

[Deleted User]

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

You could always send the flowers as a "because your a great friend" thing. Just to make her smile. There doesn't need to be a mention of the miscarriage unless she says? Then you don't need to worry about reminding her of the loss and she will feel valued as a great friend?

This is a great idea, thanks Mrsaworth2b.


Dxxx

[Deleted User]

Torry_Quine wrote: »

This seems better, that way you don't run the risk of mentioning it but she can bring it up if sh wants.

Yeah I definitely agree with you both, thanks Torry.


Dxxx

[Deleted User]

ellie99 wrote: »

This is a really nice idea, flowers without a specific mention of the miscarriage.

If she's your best friend, I'm assuming you can talk about it if she wants to anyway.

Flowers sent on my due dates would have made me feel worse, but then everyone's different, so it's really hard to say.

Thanks Ellie, she can talk to me about anything anytime she wants.


I appreciate you replying & I am sorry to hear that this is something that you have experienced yourself.


Dxxx

[Deleted User]

pinkshoes wrote: »

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks last september, then another at 9 weeks at Easter.

I would not have wanted flowers or a reminder, but perhaps a hug from a friend if I was feeling a bit down.

So sorry to hear this pinkshoes.


I appreciate you taking the time to reply, thanks Dxxx

[Deleted User]

FreddieFrugal wrote: »

I agree with pink shoes. We had to have our baby terminated at 12 weeks for medical reasons this year. Was awful.

Would not want anyone doing anything in the way of reminding us about it unnecessarily.

As a friend be there for them if they are upset or want to talk about it. But don't give them anything to commemorate it. Let them deal with it in their way and include you if they need you.

Freddie I am sorry to hear that this happened to you & thank you for taking the time to reply.


I agree with you that I should leave it between the, they both know I am here if they need me in anyway.


Appreciate you taking the time to reply.


Dxxx

[Deleted User]

Armchair23 wrote: »

Lost the baby in March with a due date of November ?

Some of us may have called this a late period because so many pregnancies end naturally around this time.

Not to belittle the loss, but flowers,cards etc., seem a bit over the top to me.

Pregnancy didn't used to be spoken about until the third month purely because so many pregnancies end in an early loss.

I'm trying not to belittle how sad this is for the couple involved while keeping a sensible take on the fact this is (sadly) very commonplace.

I'd leave it alone but be willing and happy to have your friend cry on your shoulder whenever she needs too.

Some of us may but my friend certainly didn't, she was heartbroken. This had been a baby they had been trying for a long time.


Thanks for replying.


Dxxx