SEVERE Alcohol problem...can anyone help me?

Honey_Bear

Desperado_2015 wrote: »

I have not had anything to drink since Saturday night.

I'm not the sort of person who can cut down. I have to stop drinking - simple as that.

On that note...do I really want to know the damage I have probably done to my liver? Would it do me any good to know. Or just worry me so much that I start drinking again to deal with it... :

I've snipped out the bits I don't need to comment on; it's not that they're not interesting or relevant, it's just that I've got so much to say about these three sections!

Firstly, hugely well done! :T:T:T That's a heck of an achievement and you have every right to be very proud of what you've already done. When the time is right, it is possible - but it takes a shedload of determination to stick with it, so I'm rooting for you all the way and very, very relieved to read these posts. Good on you.

There are those who can moderate. I'm not one of the them and I know that because I had years of Day One of not drinking. And then I'd drink that night and the whole thing was on a repeat cycle for years because I was convinced I could moderate. Jolly good luck to anyone who can, but I can't. The day I decided to stop, I knew I had to knock it on the head completely or carry on until I couldn't stop and drank myself into oblivion and a grave. It sounds as though you know your limitations, too, and what's right for you. Good.

Of course, I could decide to have a glass of wine on my birthday or Christmas, but I run the risk of going back to being the person I didn't like, who was shedding friends as if they didn't matter and knackering my body too. And very occasionally I used to get a bit of a yen, or even a craving, to have that glass of wine but each time I decided that the risk was greater than the reward and a year and a bit on I can't remember the last time I wanted a drink. This is much, much easier than a series of Day Ones.

To those who can moderate - good luck to you. I'm not convinced it's that helpful to suggest that someone who has just said they know they need to stop drinking that moderation is the answer. Just because it's tough to stop doesn't mean it's impossible.

Desperado_2015 wrote: »

For those who were a confused about my mentioning my OH was also in denial....

My OH doesn't drink at ALL. What I meant was...he is in denial of MY drinking. We both just never talk about it, but we both know it's happening. He is not a great 'talker' never has been. Strong silent pat on the back type. He is a good, loving kind man (with his own faults) who loves me and his family. When I'm drunk I don't care what he thinks about my drinking. When I am sober..I am MORTIFIED and ashamed to the core at what I have been putting him though. I'ts such a Jekyll and Hyde life, and it has to stop.

Thank you for clarifying that. I was the one that was confused and I'm mightily relieved to hear that he doesn't have a drink problem. It'll make your stopping much, much easier. When you're ready to talk about it to him I'm sure you will. He might even bring it up himself because he'll definitely notice the change in your behaviour.

I was a complete bi**h when I was drunk and the person I was foul to was my OH. Even he said, 'But you'll be able to have champagne at FriendX's wedding do tonight, won't you?' (I don't know if that means he was in denial, and it doesn't actually matter.) I didn't and I'm still proud of the fact that I simply pretended to drink to their health and long marriage and mean it, pass the glass to OH and carry on staying sober. (I had a bit of a hangover it has to be admitted, but mostly what I remember is the shame about my behaviour the night before.) Our relationship has gone from strength to strength and the rage I used to feel at him when I was drunk has disappeared, I'm no longer verbally abusive towards him and now, a year and a bit later, we have the relationship that I used to be angry that we didn't have. I'm incredibly lucky that he's a much, much better man than I ever gave him credit for.

Do I think he and I needed to talk about my drinking and whether it was a problem? Absolutely not. Would it have changed my behaviour while I was drinking? Absolutely not. Would I be willing to be completely honest with him now about everything? Absolutely not. Some things, in fact, a great many things are much, much better left unsaid.

What is important is that we live the best life we possibly can and that includes working at our relationships with the most important people in our life.

I would even go so far as to say that the falling out you had with your sister in law is one area where you might, just might, be able to find some relief in about a year's time. That's when you can tell her that you stopped drinking soon after you fell out with her and that you're sorry for your behaviour. Any sooner and there's probably no reason that she'd be willing to believe you if the rift was as deep as you indicated in your first post.

As to your liver, I don't know much about livers other than what I've heard on the radio or read, except this. The number of times we're told in newspaper stories that one glasse of wine might be good for us would tend to lead me to believe that journalists seem to have a vested interest in running those stories. Can't think why, but I have noticed that quite a few sober blogs written by women who just happen to be ... you'll be surpised by this, I'm sure ... journalists who say that newspapers and the media are awash with the stuff. Who knew?

You can be as honest as you can possibly be with your doctor, and your doctor will know how much help you can have, need and is available. Trust your doctor. If your doctor doesn't take you seriously enough, ask for a second opinion. You're entitled to do so on the NHS.

If you want to join us on the Cutting Down /Giving up thread, you're welcome. In my early days the very thought of having to sit in a dusty church hall and say, 'My name is Honey Bear and I'm an alcoholic' was another of the very few things that stopped me picking up a glass of wine. I started by posting when I needed to talk and it's worked very well for me, and the reception and support from the other posters was just what I needed. Between them/us there's a wealth of knowledge, range of opinions and practical information which can come in pretty useful, too.

Counting_Pennies_2

I haven't had a chance to read through all the replies, I just wanted to say that you could self refer to Talking Therapies (google and see the number for your area).


You don't need to go through your GP.


You could perhaps start the process of accepting and admitting that you need change, and from there have a stronger mindset for getting the right help.


Once you have accepted it, you will have a better chance of getting through the right treatment.


You are right, your liver will have suffered, however getting help sooner will prevent any further issues.


A very lovely dear friend departed a few years ago, after having a dreadful time of it. It was a very sad way to go. He battled but stayed in denial. I don't say this to scare you, more to reinforce that accepting you have a problem is definitely the right way to start. Then getting the right help


Good luck