SEVERE Alcohol problem...can anyone help me?

edwink

I just wanted to wish you all the very best and hope all goes to plan with your GP. As others have said write it all down and give it to your GP to read. That way your doctor will have a clear picture of what is and what has been happening with you and your problem with Alcohol. Also if you write it down you won't forget to mention something you may kick yourself for forgetting when you get home. We have all done that at our doctors from time to time.

I was brought up in a disrupted household with an alcoholic parent and it was not pleasant for any of us. My other parent was tea total:j The alcoholic parent was in denial and would not seek help from anyone, their doctor or even a close friend. Later they had real mental health issues not mention very poor health in general. Still they never did anything about their drinking and died in their very early 60's. Please do all you can to get the help you need.

I honestly believe that the very first step is to admit you have a problem and once you have admitted it you are going in the right direction to a better life without alcohol.

Now that you have started your thread I think it would be good for you to carry on with it so we can all help you on your road to recovery. Also don't forget the other thread that has been mentioned. They are a great bunch of posters on there. And if I am honest I would say it was one of the friendliest threads on MSE. They chat to each other and help each other along. The support on that thread is second to none, it honestly is. Pop over there and have a look for yourself, it's a fantastic thread.

Look after yourself and don't be too hard on yourself either. It is going to be a long road for you but I am sure with determination and the right support you will succeed. I wish you all the very best. x

pendragon_arther

I've been a hard drinker for over 30 years. Psychotherapy helped a lot and so did becoming a psychotherapist but I still enjoy the feeling of alcohol coursing through my veins. In my hayday in my advertising career I could put down 10 pints a day plus a few shorts. I'm now in my 60s and surprised I'm still alive and my livers are not riddled with sclerosis. But I can go weeks without a drink and don't binge when I return to the juice.

Like anything when given up it needs to be replaced with something of equal importance or value. This is a proven fact when dealt with in a theraputic way. So my advice is if you really can't give up drink do what I do and dilute it with natural juice packed with vitamin c. I use a tall glass with two fingers of vodka (which is one of the 'cleanest' drinks) and fill up with juice. This puts less strain on the liver and you don't get silly drunk and the drink lasts longer and the vits help to repair.

If however you want to give up the juice find something which will compensate for its loss.

heartbreak_star

Good luck Angela! Big hugs, please keep us posted.

You can do this

HBS x

Desperado_2015

Hello again.

I have not had anything to drink since Saturday night. I know this is going to sound too good to be true or odd, but I downloaded a PDF by a guy called Craig Beck, and have immersed myself in it for the last few days. I am just getting so much from this book..everything he says makes sense, it could be me taking. I have had one or two moments where I have blindly thought...I'm having a drink..I NEED a drink.... (usually when my eldest son or my mother phones) but I have honestly stopped, thought about what that drink would do and where it would take me, and made a cup of tea instead. I feel physically and mentally great. I'm not craving, I'm not ill, not sweating or trembling or anything else I thought I would do when I just 'stopped' drinking. I have not had an alcohol free day for ....years. Even if it was just a 'one glass of wine' day.

I still really want a drink. I know I desire alcohol because I think I 'like' how it makes me feel. I just have to try to attach more pleasure to the way 'sober' makes me feel.

I'm not the sort of person who can cut down. I have to stop drinking - simple as that. I know I have a long way to go, but last Saturday was my catalyst, my trigger moment of years and years of wanting to do something about my drinking. I've always simply been too scared by the process itself. I mean, I hate alcohol and what it does to me, but I also think I love alcohol, and the thought of life without it is just...too difficult. Its easier just to keep on drinking... and think about it tomorrow. There might not be a tomorrow.

On that note...do I really want to know the damage I have probably done to my liver? Would it do me any good to know. Or just worry me so much that I start drinking again to deal with it... :

Desperado_2015

pendragon_arther wrote: »

I've been a hard drinker for over 30 years. Psychotherapy helped a lot and so did becoming a psychotherapist but I still enjoy the feeling of alcohol coursing through my veins. In my hayday in my advertising career I could put down 10 pints a day plus a few shorts. I'm now in my 60s and surprised I'm still alive and my livers are not riddled with sclerosis. But I can go weeks without a drink and don't binge when I return to the juice.

Like anything when given up it needs to be replaced with something of equal importance or value. This is a proven fact when dealt with in a theraputic way. So my advice is if you really can't give up drink do what I do and dilute it with natural juice packed with vitamin c. I use a tall glass with two fingers of vodka (which is one of the 'cleanest' drinks) and fill up with juice. This puts less strain on the liver and you don't get silly drunk and the drink lasts longer and the vits help to repair.

If however you want to give up the juice find something which will compensate for its loss.

Thank you for taking the time to post Arther, and for your kind advice.

But I am beginning to wonder, is stopping alcohol really a 'loss', which needs compensating? When I really, really think about it....alcohol does absolutely nothing for me, and everything against me. When I drink it, I become someone else. A loud mouthed, opinionated, nasty person who people avoid. I wake up with a throbbing head wondering what the hell I said the night before. On the days where I am just 'mildly' drunk, I can see on my husbands face that I am red faced and stinking of alcohol, and no amount of blonde hair, nice clothes or makeup will disguise it. Of what value...is any of that? What is there to miss, or feel like I have to give up, from that list? The only thing I get from alcohol is the first hit, the feeling of wooziness and loosening up. That only lasts moments, then I am on to the next drink and the next, during which I no longer feel that slipping, getting drunk sensation. From then on it is just necking more and more just because the last drink makes me want another one.

It's a love hate relationship with alcohol which I have to work out.

Desperado_2015

For those who were a confused about my mentioning my OH was also in denial....


My OH doesn't drink at ALL. What I meant was...he is in denial of MY drinking. We both just never talk about it, but we both know it's happening. He is not a great 'talker' never has been. Strong silent pat on the back type. He is a good, loving kind man (with his own faults) who loves me and his family. When I'm drunk I don't care what he thinks about my drinking. When I am sober..I am MORTIFIED and ashamed to the core at what I have been putting him though. I'ts such a Jekyll and Hyde life, and it has to stop.

Savvy_Sue

Might I suggest that you should start the conversation? Heck, it won't be easy, but it might be worth the risk.

System

I had a period where honestly, i was dependent on alcohol, i was using it to self medicate. It got to the point where my bf at the time flat out banned me from drinking on my own. I was missing uni and missing work because all i wanted to do as drink the pain away. I knew i had a problem but i as in denial. What changed things for me personally was being diagnosed with bipolar. I'd expereinced many times alcohol turning me to self harm and suicidal thoughts. There was even a time when the crisis team refused to come out to me because i'd had a drink. That was my turning point. I knew if i continued down that path, i'd probably end up killing myself. I didn't have medical help (though my psychiatrist knew of my history) , but basically managed to cut it doen and stop drinking. Now i know for you and many its not as simple as that, i was lucky in that i was able to stop (i've drank once in the last year-that was my birthday and i felt i could cope with one night), but for most its not about cutting down but cutting it out. Youve had some amazing advice, and i hope that you're able to get the help you need. Am posting mainly to wish you well, but i also want you to know you're not alone and there is no shame in realising you have a problem with alcohol.

belfastgirl23

Are you sure that your DH is turning a blind eye? Are you sure he hasn't tried to talk to you about this? I have someone in my life who has an alcohol problem. We have all tried to talk to him at different times about it and he absolutely refuses to hear any of our concerns. So we have kind of stopped mentioning it and just worry privately about it. If he were to say to his wife or anyone else now 'I think I have a problem' that person would be overwhelmed with relief that he had finally acknowledged it. Don't forget, your husband might have tried to talk to you about it when you were drinking. That's the trouble, you can't talk to the person when they're drinking because they won't remember (and might be aggressive) and they're so vulnerable when they're sober that you're afraid mentioning it might trigger them to drink. It is a very very difficult position being the partner or close relative of someone with an alcohol problem.

As the others have said, identifying the problem is a really good first step. Writing it down here is a second step. The next step is talking to your family. Well done for getting this far!

TBagpuss

Desperado_2015 wrote: »

For those who were a confused about my mentioning my OH was also in denial....


My OH doesn't drink at ALL. What I meant was...he is in denial of MY drinking. We both just never talk about it, but we both know it's happening. He is not a great 'talker' never has been. Strong silent pat on the back type. He is a good, loving kind man (with his own faults) who loves me and his family. When I'm drunk I don't care what he thinks about my drinking. When I am sober..I am MORTIFIED and ashamed to the core at what I have been putting him though. I'ts such a Jekyll and Hyde life, and it has to stop.

Him not drinking at all should be a real help for you, as there won't be the issue of whether he is 'allowed' to drink in front of you, whether he wants to keep alcohiol in the house - he is much less likley to become an enabler of you drinking, and if you are out then 2 of you not drinking gives you some support and back up, it should be easier than going it alone.

Talk to him. Tell him you want help, agree with him how he can support you (e.g getting rid of any booze in the house now, and any he may find in the future)

You can do this, and he may be your strongest supporter.