Children at weddings...

skea56

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

This seems very strange to me. A fiance that is not prepared to pay towards his own wedding.

I was thinking that too - I mean my OH is not taking much to do with the organising of the day, but we are paying for it 50/50 and he is involved/made aware of everything (even if he does pay much attention to it!!)

sk56

TBagpuss

I don't think his family (or yours) have any obligation to pay for the wedding - do you and he keep your personal finances separate? Or are the two of you paying in part for the wedding from your joint savings.

I don't thin that there is a single right answer.

Your parents may, reasonably, feel that they should be consulted about what happens at an event that they are paying for.

Your fiance may feel (reasonably) that this is his wedding as much as yours and that his wishes should be given at least as much weight as yours are.

Both you and he seem to feel that the other is not listening or taking on board your wishes.

I would suggest that you sit down with your fiance (and without any third parties) and discuss what each of you would like, and why, and try to come to an agreement.

Try to focus on how you feel (e.g. I feel that my preference for a small, quiet wedding has been overlooked" rather than accusation "You insisted on inviting loads of people I don't know")

Have you explained to him, calmly, how much his relatives comments about his aunt upset you? Have you given him the opportunity to explain why he feels that the children should be there? Is he much involved in the planning and in particular is he aware of the extra costs involved in adding more people?

Are there any options which might allow the two of you to compromise?

For instance:

- if part of the problem is that he would really like his cousins there but thinks they won't come if they can't bring their children, would it be possible to think about hiring a local childminder to run a creche during the service, so that you could have the child-free ceremony you want, and he can have the family members attending that he wants?

- if part of the problem is the possibility of disruptive children during the service or during speeches at the reception, could you (a) provide something to occupy the children and (b) have a request at the start that people take out any child that becomes disruptive? At my sister's wedding, for the reception, she and her fiance provided origami paper and instructions, or pictures and mini crayons for all of the children (depending on age) so that they had something they could do quietly at the reception during the speeches.

Nada666

rdone wrote: »

Every wedding (apart from 2) that I have been to have been adult only affairs.

Really? Is that even a thing? I'm out of touch.

lisyloo

would it be possible to think about hiring a local childminder to run a creche uring the service

I appreciate this was a helpful suggestion, but I pretty taken aback that as well as planning a wedding your expected to sort out other people's children as well !!
Surely it's not too much to ask that people sort out their own childminding is it?

POPPYOSCAR

lisyloo wrote: »

I appreciate this was a helpful suggestion, but I pretty taken aback that as well as planning a wedding your expected to sort out other people's children as well !!
Surely it's not too much to ask that people sort out their own childminding is it?

I do not think anyone ''expects' child minding services laid on for them but if you do have children at your wedding this does work.


I have been to two weddings where this has been arranged and it has worked brilliantly. No disruptions during the ceremony and speeches. Happy children, happy guests and even more importantly happy bride and groom.

borkid

rdone wrote: »

Exactly... that's all I want. But he and his family are refusing to pay towards it as "that's for the brides family". So I am trying to keep costs as low as possible. Considering we've been together for a very long time and a marriage is for life where as a wedding is just for one day I think we'll be fine.

Then sit down with your parents and see how much you can comfortably afford. If there are too many guests then half each, you choosing your half and he his.

The idea that 'it's the brides family' is very old fashioned. 41 years ago when I married I and OH paid for most of the wedding.

Robin9

borkid wrote: »

Then sit down with your parents and see how much you can comfortably afford. If there are too many guests then half each, you choosing your half and he his.

The idea that 'it's the brides family' is very old fashioned. 41 years ago when I married I and OH paid for most of the wedding.

31 years today for us. I was 35, my wife 27 and we certainly didn't expect our parents to pay.

The most important part of this day is those moments when you say "I do" and you commit to each other - this is intently personal and it doesn't matter how many others are there.

TBagpuss

lisyloo wrote: »

I appreciate this was a helpful suggestion, but I pretty taken aback that as well as planning a wedding your expected to sort out other people's children as well !!
Surely it's not too much to ask that people sort out their own childminding is it?

I wouldn't see it as something expected, simply as a practical way round the issue if you don't want children at the ceremony / reception but have guests with children.

Personally I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where children were excluded - it seems slightly odd to me because I see weddings as family celebrations so it seems odd to exclude part of the family.
but that said, given that going to a wedding typically involves a pretty big chunk of the day / evening, and often an overnight stay, I think that arranging child care can be a pretty big hurdle to get over. Add in the fact that many people rely on family for child care / baby sitting - which won't be available if (say) grandparents are also guests at the wedding,and arranging local child care close enough that the parents are readily available if needed seems like a practical option.

pickledonionspaceraider

TBagpuss wrote: »

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where children were excluded - it seems slightly odd to me because I see weddings as family celebrations so it seems odd to exclude part of the family.
.

I was just about to post this exact same thing.

Each to their own OP, but I don't understand 'child free' weddings.

xxlouisexx56

I have my own two children who will be 10 and 5 on the day I marry their dad.

We are getting married abroad but having a UK reception party.

Children will be strictly limited!

My nephew who will be one is attending for n hour or so. Then his grandparents (his dads parents) are welcome to join us for some food and a drink and then take him home so his parents can have a nice time!

We have some friends whose children are a delight and are more than welcome.

We also have friends whose children are monsters and I dont want them there so they are not invited. H2B is also in agreement!