Children at weddings...

rdone

I know this is an age old question that there have probably been many discussions about but this is really starting to get me down.

Every wedding (apart from 2) that I have been to have been adult only affairs. The first one I went to was when I was 3 and a neice of the groom and so was a flower girl. The other wedding was my best friends a couple of years ago and she has 2 children.

My H2B has 2 nephews and a niece, I have no problem inviting these 3. We see them every single week and they all know us. My problem lies with his cousins daughter (who I have met once and is 3) and my cousins son and daughter (who are 2 and a baby). We have seen my cousins children probably once every month/6 weeks but they still don't know who we are (obvious with the baby).

I don't want them 3 coming to the wedding as they have no idea who we are and us them. They won't enjoy sitting through the service and just disrupt things.

My mum is of the same opinion.

My H2B aunt died 11 years ago and would be the grandmother of his cousins daughter. Last week my sisters in law to be were very horrible to me over the issue of not inviting them and told me I was insulting the memory of their aunt. This is so far from true and caused a really large argument. I was under the impression that this was sorted after they apologised but a few days later I find out that they had been talking to their mum about it and me behind my back.

My H2B want's to invite them as well. I had said before that I would compromise and they would be invited for the day only as long as no one else has another child by then.

After everything that has since happened I really don't want to invite them. Not out of spite but because why should I have something I don't want on my wedding day. I haven't even told my mum about the argument and what happened after as the sisters would hardly be invited, let alone the child.

Any time me and my H2B talk about this it ends in an argument. It's really starting to get me down as I don't want to talk to him about it. My mum told me yesterday though that if I don't want them there then not to invite them, it's my parents footing the bill and therefore doing the inviting at the end of the day.

I know those of you who have children will object but if I knew these children I wouldn't have so much of an issue. My thoughts are still that a wedding is an adult affair but I could accept it. We both know our best friends children better than the cousins so shouldn't it be them who are invited instead?!

I just needed somewhere to put these thoughts down I think...

warehouse

rdone wrote: »

it's my parents footing the bill and therefore doing the inviting at the end of the day.

Stop right there. If this was my future in laws I can tell you now the wedding would be well and truly off.

Mojisola

rdone wrote: »

My problem lies with his cousins daughter (who I have met once and is 3) and my cousins son and daughter (who are 2 and a baby).

I don't want them 3 coming to the wedding

My H2B want's to invite them as well.

why should I have something I don't want on my wedding day.

Isn't it your H2B's wedding as well? Doesn't he have any say over who comes to his wedding?

rdone

Why do people always side with him? There's loads of people he want's who are coming that I have never met. He's met everyone who's coming on my side.

The future in laws were very rude about the cost of the wedding in the first place, if the wedding is for both of us shouldn't the cost be halved?!

Mojisola

rdone wrote: »

Why do people always side with him? There's loads of people he want's who are coming that I have never met. He's met everyone who's coming on my side.

I don't know but maybe because you're being a Bridezilla and they feel sorry for him?

rdone

Why is he not being a Groomzilla and insisting on hundreds of people? I wanted a small family wedding...

Nice to see you didn't reply to my question to you.

Money_maker

So whose wedding is it? Once you understand it is your special day that you are sharing with your H2B then you understand that he is the one you need to agree with. I give you 6 months.

Money_maker

rdone wrote: »

The future in laws were very rude about the cost of the wedding in the first place, if the wedding is for both of us shouldn't the cost be halved?!

Yes, you pay half and H2B pays half.

rdone

Exactly... that's all I want. But he and his family are refusing to pay towards it as "that's for the brides family". So I am trying to keep costs as low as possible. Considering we've been together for a very long time and a marriage is for life where as a wedding is just for one day I think we'll be fine.

rdone

Money_maker wrote: »

So whose wedding is it? Once you understand it is your special day that you are sharing with your H2B then you understand that he is the one you need to agree with.

Would you say the same to him about me?

Mojisola

rdone wrote: »

Would you say the same to him about me?

Of course.

If you and he can't agree about the wedding, are you sure you should be getting married?