Children at weddings...

rdone

So there's one thing we disagree on about one day and you question our whole relationship? From this I presume you and your partner have never argued and disagreed about anything in life. Otherwise you obviously would be in no place to comment something so rude and upsetting.

Tigsteroonie

I'm sorry but I agree with the others - if you don't have a blanket 'no children' rule and H2B wants a couple of young relatives there (and his family are offended that said children are not invited), then invite them. You don't really want to start married life with H2B not enjoying his day, and his family angry with you - or do you?

Mojisola

rdone wrote: »

So there's one thing we disagree on about one day and you question our whole relationship?

Which one thing?

He wants children to come who you don't want there.

He won't pay towards the wedding because your parents should cover the costs.

He's insisting on hundreds of people when you only want a small wedding.

He's inviting people who you have never met.

And those are just the things you've mentioned on this thread.

sillyvixen

we had children at our wedding - we wanted their parents there and knew this would not happen if kids were not invited. we kept them busy with a kids craft table (did not cost a lot with supplies from the works, poundland and tiger). even a colleague came to the evening do (does not usually do work weddings as kids get board) when i told her about the crafts she came with her kids and they had a great time.

however it is you and your partners day and you must invite who you both want.

melanzana

Weddings can cause so much trouble in a lot of cases can't they?.

A marriage in a registry office with two witnesses can be bliss.

We do not marry our guests or our family, just each other at the end of the day.

I also think that if you cannot agree with the arrangements between the pair of you, just do the deed and forget about all the fuss. Otherwise, (and I know this sounds judgmental), there may be trouble ahead in your marriage. Lingering resentments and all the rest of it as to who caved in and so on, and on, and on!

Weddings can bring out the best and worst in us all.

But a marriage ceremony is another animal altogether. Depends on what you want at the end of the day.

Best of luck OP, but it don't sound good to me. Stand back and re assess what is happening here.

Anatidaephobia

When we get married, we will not invite very many children but we will invite my partner's cousin's children. We barely know his cousin's children but we shall invite them anyway - it's up to his cousin and his wife whether or not they decide to bring their children.

Although I don't know their children very well, I recognise that their children are obviously important to them and they may prefer their children to be with them, they may even expect their children to be invited; also they may have difficulty finding a babysitter since all their usual babysitters will be at the wedding. The final reason is that it simply isn't worth offending anyone or causing arguments by excluding a very small number of people; it's just easier to invite them than risk causing a fuss.

The fact that your H2B wants these children to be there is also an important point. If my partner says he wants specific relatives to be invited to our wedding then as far as I'm concerned, that's it, they're on our guest list. I don't have any problem with any member of his family so if he wants them to be there then I have no reason to object. I can understand wanting an adult wedding but I think it's normal to make exceptions for family and it's only three extra people.

cashewnut

We're not having children at our wedding, mainly because we don't want them there but also it would increase our wedding attendees by nearly 50%. But we are keeping the rule the same for all guests (other than my little bro, who's 11).

celticcurl

For me the biggest concern I'd have is that your OH appears to have zero respect for the fact your parents are paying for this. I don't think your parents have a right to dictate your wedding but they do have the right to set the budget. It is then for the two of you to agree on how that budget should be spent. If it costs more the two of you need to agree on how to fund that. Your OH saying he won't pay and it's 'for the brides family ' is arrogant, rude and disturbing.

I got married in July and OH and I agreed we would invite children we had an active relationship with (see,speak to, spend time with etc) so some family and friends children were invited and others weren't. Everyone bar one cousin accepted this (we suspect it was more his wife) and they didn't come. Their choice, just as the guest list was ours. I would regard children I see monthly as having an active relationship but I recognise everyone might not see it that way.

skea56

We have a no children rule, except for my nieces and nephews, who are in the wedding party, but who are being taken home after the meal. I did have one cousin and her husband who are coming from London and I said they could take their little girl, but got the response - "not on your nelly, this is a rare child free weekend for us!!" so was happy enough.
In that respect tho, I think we are lucky in that almost all of our friends with children are local (obv except the one above mentioned) and so it easy enough to arrange childcare for one day.

I have been to enough wedding over the past few months to know they are not child friendly occasions, and I dont mean that as a criticism to the children, its mostly the parents who seem oblivious to the havoc they are causing. The last wedding we were at, one little boy was restless all through the ceremony, running back and forth from mummy (who was a bridesmaid) to granda (father of the bride), standing on the altar, shouting and crying during the vows, and yet no-one went near him. Why put yourself through that hassle - leave them at home and enjoy the day yourself.

sk56

POPPYOSCAR

rdone wrote: »

Exactly... that's all I want. But he and his family are refusing to pay towards it as "that's for the brides family". So I am trying to keep costs as low as possible. Considering we've been together for a very long time and a marriage is for life where as a wedding is just for one day I think we'll be fine.

This seems very strange to me. A fiance that is not prepared to pay towards his own wedding.