Am I being unreasonable?

Person_one

poorlittlefish wrote: »

I asked why he and his ex can't agree a (regular) time for him to bring the kids back on a Sunday so that everyone involved knows what's going on.

Everybody apart from you seems to be fine with it though! He probably doesn't want to commit to having to take them home at say, 12 noon every Sunday when there is a chance at the moment that on some Sundays he can have several more hours with them. All that time will be precious!

3 months is hardly any time at all in a relationship where children are involved. It would be completely inappropriate for you to start suggesting changes to contact arrangements after such a short time.

Anatidaephobia's suggestion is the best way to handle this. Don't spend your Sundays waiting on 'standby' for him to call!

FBaby

It depends what you do after you he comes. If it just to chill out at your house, then what does it matter? It's a bit like if he was coming home, he wouldn't forcibly be telling you exactly what time he would be back.

If however you then make plans, then it would be courtesy for him to say the latest time he might be with you and stick to it. It is then up to him to arrange to drop the kids to his ex on time.

It sounds to me like he was never bothered what time he dropped his kids, so just continuing that way.

seven-day-weekend

Both of you need to agree that Sundays are the days he sees his children, it's quite right that he wants to spend as much time with them as possible.

He also needs to accept that you can't put your life on hold and that if you are not available when he has dropped the children off because you have made other plans, then sobeit, you'll have to meet up another time.

PeacefulWaters

Don't do anything that will rock the boat on a satisfactory arrangement over access to his kids.

If he ends up with less time with the kids as a result your new relationship will be doomed.

bagpussbear

Sounds like it might be better to drop the Sundays with him at the moment. It's causing a bit of stress (resentment?) which doesn't need to be brought into a relationship that's still quite new.

VfM4meplse

OP, I can understand your resentment here.

It's not about the kids, it's about the ex playing fast and loose with something that has a hold over your partner. Are you sure this doesn't relate to a more deep seated insecurity about the ex?

lemontart

he comes with kids, just do as others say and simply do your own thing or do not make plans.

DKLS

uncreative wrote: »

His time with his kids is precious, he needs to spend as much time, and as much quality time with them as possible. You should know that his kids will always come first, no matter how deeply he might love you. Its a fact of life; your kids are number 1.

Exactly which Is why I would suggest the OP rethink her relationship, as she will always play second fiddle to his baggage which to me is no basis for a relationship.

Mojisola

poorlittlefish wrote: »

Just to mention that it's him who's always wanted to see me after taking his kids back on a Sunday, not the other way around.

When I've suggested we give it a miss he doesn't like it but I think it's for the best so I just get on with things in my own life.

Person_one wrote: »

Everybody apart from you seems to be fine with it though!

I don't think that's very fair on the OP!

She's quite happy not to meet up with him on the children's Sundays.

poorlittlefish

I appreciate everyone's views. I said in my original post that I encourage him to see his kids and not once have I asked him to change his plans; in fact, if he's suggested it I've told him not to.

He has the children from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening. I have now told him it's best we don't see each other on the Sunday. If his ex wants to make plans but not commit to a time when she'll be back to collect the children and he's happy with not being able to make plans of his own then I shall just do my own thing and keep well out of it.