Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

mellymoo74

Oh they called them Elsien
You know to make sure this weekend would be fun

Thing is they know not to park there, it's happening 4 or 5 times a week again for several hours a time meaning I can't get off the car park.

mellymoo74

Today the kidlets food and medicine arrived yay.
So they cost me £29.35 this will feed and medicate for just under 4 months.
Compare this to tomcat who costs me about £10 a week!

Sainsbury are doing a large 10% fat mince for £3.50 so can get 6 chilli for under a fiver. Gonna get another one tomorrow and do a mince, onion, carrots and peas that's another 6 meals.

I am quite good at stretching food, it's tomcat that's crippling me (he is going nowhere)

faerielight

Hi guys, I've made a series of mess ups in the last couple of days and I have opened up a can of worms. I've been under such severe stress for so many years now, and I think it had really make my BP{D soo bad. I'm unable to control my impulsiveness and my emotions . I've messed up so bad and I'm going out of my mind with worry and self hatred and fear.
Things have been quite rocky with my best male friend for ages now. We've been friends for 25 years. He has been my friend family for so long now. He went through a lot, having to be my next of kin for the last 5 years of all my surgeries and serious illness, so I know it has taken it's toll on him. He moved back to my city a year ago and things have been quite strained. He has a lot on his plate with having to get his parents in a care home, and he has a brother with special needs in a care home, plus he's trying to stay sober.
But he has been really angry recently, snapping at me, putting me down, being cold and he's being like an angry dad, and the dynamic fits with my absued child like a lock and a key. I miss him being warm to me, and I feel scared of him because I'm so fragile.His default mode seems to be anger these days with me.
I haven't seen him for 3 weeks and he has a new friend who he is spending all his free time with. He told me he was going to a gig with her on my birthday and I felt really hurt and abandoned.
Anyway, I did such a stupid thing. I went to visit a friend who has scitsofrenia . I don't usually tell her my problems in detail, but I weas so upset, I poured it all out to her, over 7 hours, crying my eyes out, I really lost the Plot. I divulged a lot about his past patterns which were getting himself into a series of interpersonal triangles, one of which involved me as he stole a boyfriend from me a few years ago. Here's the thing.. the friend that he has become really close to is my friend's flatmate. I told her I thought he was comparing me to her and I felt really threatened by the friendship . It was such a major mistake. My friend who I saw really dislikes him as he was really rude and nasty to her, and her flatmate keeps bringing him to her place (My friend is her landlady.
I have put her in such a terrible situation. She is bound to tell her what I said, otherwise I've put a wedge in the way of them both.
I wasn't in control of what was falling out of my mind, it all tumbled out and I painted him as a monster, and he's not. He is arrogant and he is angry at the mo, and we have had some turbulent times over the years, but I love him and this is all going to blow up and it's likely I'll lose him forever. He's very stubborn and he will never forgive me, I know he won't.

So today, he finally rang me and I was cold and quiet. He asked what was wrong and I told him I was upset about my birthday, that I felt he prioritised his new friend over me. I told him I was finding him so angry and that I was scared of him at the moment. He went mental, and told me to go f myself and that that was that. We shouldn't be friends any more if that's how I felt and he slammed the phone down on me. I wish I had never blurted it all out to my friend about her him, seing as it is her flatmate and I should never had told hi I was upset .
I honestly don't know what to do. I am spiralling into absolute interpersonal chaos. I'm so terrified my friend will tell her flatmate what I said. He really will never forgive me, and I think my female friend will not forgive me for driving a wedge between them.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I'm so terrified, I really am. My BPD is so severe . The paranoia and fear is pushing me to a very suicidal place. I would never get over losing him.He's been the most important person to me for 25 years.

whitewing

Faerie

Try not to worry. Most people understand the need to offload and won't stir up trouble.

faerielight

thank you whitewing x

SingleSue

Birdie85 wrote: »

If it's causing any issues (bit of a guess??) I will cease doing Weigh in Wednesday.

Nice for Mr HL to get back in touch Tea! Block him! Definitely pester PB about FOH's stuff too.

Melly - it's annoying but I can kind of understand why companies don't hire people they feel are 'above' the work. After all, as soon as you got an offer for a job that you actually want, you'd be off so they'd have to start the recruitment process all over again. Not good for people in your position, but understandable.

Oh please don't on my account, that would make me feel awful (I know you are trying to help, so please don't take offence).

I'm putting on my big girl pants....they literally are big girl pants :rotfl:

Waves_and_Smiles

Deep breathe, Faerie. As Whitewing said a lot of people understand the need to let it all out sometimes, if your friend has mental health problems herself she will understand that very well. One of the biggest triggers for BPD is the fear of being abandoned, I understand why your friend's behaviour triggered you. We always think that we are going to be left for someone better (which we usually see as just about anyone else in the human race!).

If you can, leave it for a few days before you contact your friend again. Spend sometime with your other friend who went with you to the cinema on your birthday, show yourself that there are people who care to counteract the fears of being left. Work on feeling more secure so that when you do talk to your friend that you have problems with again you feel in a stronger place and are able to stay calmer. Remember that being abandoned is a trigger for you so give yourself a break. It is the BDP talking, you aren't alone in having those fears. You were triggered, and it made you overwhelmed and afraid.

Sue, if it is the weigh in posts that are difficult for you can you just skim over them? You don't have to read everything posted here. I admit I don't read them fully because of my ED but I know to just quickly skim them to get the general idea and then I go onto the next post. I don't mind that they are here at all and they are supporting people which is lovely, I just don't concentrate on them. People tend to be very good and include 'Weigh in' in the first sentence so people know what the post is about.

Also, if they are a bad trigger to you people can penguin them? Just put Weigh In post so people know what the penguin is about and then white it out? I am sure no one would mind, it doesn't take 30 seconds to penguin something. I will make sure to put anything I mention about dieting in future in a penguin, not that I ever discuss it anyway because my ED doesn't allow that but I will keep it in mind.

Anyone here can ask if something can be penguined if it is a trigger to them, one of the major things we don't speak about on this thread is because of my trigger. Yes, I do feel guilty about it because the logical side of me can see the good in discussing it and how it could help people, but due to how it was used with me I also know it would have me running for the hills in 10 seconds flat and people here have been lovely and understand that. I want everyone here to be able to say if something upsets them and know it will be taken seriously, this is a safe place for everyone and we all do our best to keep it that way.

mellymoo74

I also don't read them WaS but they are useful for others.

How are you this morning I am getting a chilli in after my tomcat love. Then get OH up and cemetery

mellymoo74

I am beautifying
Have needed to face mask for weeks have one on now.
Next step shower, then I need to shower more than once a week and maybe change my clothes occasionally (tthat's how I know I'm not well)

Wellyboots6

This morning I am painting salt dough decorations.

Can I use diluted poster paint and then varnish with PVA glue does anyone know? Birdie?