Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

codemonkey

Runs in, throws some Krispy Kremes into the duvet fort.

So very, very stressed. This project is like fighting a hydra.

Returns to desk and increasingly tense emails.

System

No need to apologise Calley the double dose of meds seems to have done its job, not feeling too bad or high today

Think I was maybe just a bit over emotional last night

Woke up stupidly early this morning but on the plus side I tidied my room, have been round charity shops to get a few bits for Swain (and a bag for myself), and sorted doctors out (have to wait 24hr to be put on system but then I can book appointments online).

Wellyboots6

Thanks for the tough love, I know I am being over protective. I worried that much about not bonding with her that I think I have gone the other way.

Had to cancel my counselling session. Got a debrief session booked with the midwife at the same time, to go through what happened with the labour and how it could affect future pregnancies.
Hoping they will reschedule my counselling appointment as it has been so difficult to get one!

Georgiegirl256

Totally understandable Welly

Fairie, I saw your other post. Sorry you got a harsh response. The thing is when people don't know the full extent of what you have gone rough and what you are still going through, then they tend to hear things like "got back in touch" "inheritence" and just think you're out for all you can get etc. Obviously you're not, but people don't dig deeper, they just read that and so hence the harsh responses. You can always talk here without judgement.

Thanks for the Krispy Kremes code, I'm not a big donut fan, but I love KK's!

Waves_and_Smiles

Faerie, gentle hugs. With difficulties as complex as yours, and they are so very complex and so much for you to handle alone, you might be better to post here instead for now, until you have the strength to deal with others opinions. I would hate you to feel worse because of what people say and posting on the forum in general does result in all sorts of differing replies, it is very unpredictable. Perhaps stay with us for now and we will try to help you all that we can and when you feel stronger try posting elsewhere? We will always listen to you and never criticise. Have you got any further with finding a counsellor? I really do think that you would benefit from face to face counselling where you could learn to trust the person and know that you can say whatever you wish to them without being judged. I know it helped me so much. Have another hug.

Lovely to hear from you, Welly!

I hope you feel a little better today MU. A doctors appointment sounds like a good idea. In my case my chemicals just mess up randomly but I am not on the full dose of medication that I need so things are more likely to go wrong. Perhaps you need your medication to be adjusted.

Thank you all so much for the putting your foot in it stories! They do make me feel better. I spent 2 hours before sleep last night curled up in a ball cringing at the memory of what I said. The delivery driver took it very well indeed and found it hilarious luckily, I do see the funny side but what a verbal disaster I am!

calleyw

Well not a to bad a day until I came home.

Discovered I think I have killed a couple of plants in pots outside. As not been out for a few days and its been warm they needed water.

Also had a mini melt down. I know its very early days but just got myself in to a state thinking that I am never going to be able to have a relationship again. As I am not sure I can control my neediness. Knowing what is normal for how often couples see each other. And stuff like that.

Stayed away from my phone so not text or phone anyone I should not so I don't come across as a demented.

Yours

Calley

Wellyboots6

Hope it helped to get it out on here Faerie.
People will comment in a way they think helps, be that being very direct, mistrusting, sympathetic etc. It won't be personal as they do not know you or your circumstances, it's just how people choose to respond. Try not to take it to heart.
I hope you do find a safe place to address your concerns and feelings, it's useful to be able to talk things through with people. Don't let a small number of comments put you off trying to help yourself though.

It's just not me that in a week hubby will be back at work.

seven-day-weekend

faerielight wrote: »

Why would people be so cruel? I am already broken.

Faerie lights, I have read that thread, and I honestly think most people were not cruel (one or two were), but they were being very realistic in telling you that you need to walk away from that toxic relationship. Maybe you took their bluntness as cruelty, I honestly don't think it was, just people trying to give you advice based on your OP.

Anyway, I hope that when you are feeling a bit better you will be able to see your relationship with your mother a little clearer, it is not a relationship you should be in as all she is doing is abusing you all over again, albeit in a different way.

Walk away now before she does more damage.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, Calley you WILL have another relationship. You have so much to offer someone! This is just one issue that you need to work on right now and you will manage to do it. I really believe that. Well done on staying away from your phone, you are doing so well. It has only been two days, you are bound to have blips at this stage where you feel awful, don't be so hard on yourself.

Faerie, I totally understand that you feel hurt right now by some of what was said to you on your thread. We cannot predict responses and sometimes we all hear things that hurt us, it is one of the things about posting on a public forum for good or for bad. You can ask for the thread to be deleted if it would help? Have another gentle hug, I know that things like that are very hard to take when you already feel so low and anxious.

The one thing that stands out for me from your post is that you recognise that the people around you were the monsters, it wasn't your fault. Cling onto that truth, it is very important that you remember that. I am sure your life has been even harder than what you have shared with us, I know for a long time I kept the things that felt the worse to myself because I just couldn't face speaking about them, it made it seem all too real for me. You have done SO WELL to cope with so much that you have. You have been treated very badly by the very people who were meant to protect you, that is incredibly hard to reconcile and leaves deep scars. But you are surviving, you are still here, you are getting through each day. You are to be utterly commended for that. I see a very strong and caring person when you post, someone who is still fighting against her past and I admire you very much for that. I can't wave a magic wand for you and make it all go away but I can tell you that even though you feel so hopeless that you are doing so well and I really believe that you can get through this and find a happier life for yourself where you can begin to put all of these monstrous demons to rest.

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Aw, Calley you WILL have another relationship. You have so much to offer someone! This is just one issue that you need to work on right now and you will manage to do it. I really believe that. Well done on staying away from your phone, you are doing so well. It has only been two days, you are bound to have blips at this stage where you feel awful, don't be so hard on yourself.

Thanks WaS I know its very early days at the moment. Just need to make sure I don't allow it to spiral out of control.

I am feeling mentally better now wish my stomach was LOL!!! That has decided to play up now!!!

Yours

Calley