Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

mellymoo74

Colouring is a good plan.

pollyanna_26

WAS -JM and MELLY are spot on , not the purpose of their job .
Melly good luck with the appeal and the job interview .
polly

Waves_and_Smiles

Going to penguin this. It isn't particularly penguiny but does talk about psychotic thoughts.

I have had psychosis for over 20 years now and it is very normal to me, I really don't think about it and just accept my limitations and strange thoughts. At times like now when I am asked to write down my symptoms all together I find myself realising how bad it is. Things on their own don't seem too bad (to me at least, they may seem terrible to others!) but together they look awful. For example that my memory problems mean I cannot cook without help because I am likely to plunge my hand into boiling water, the fact I haven't been out since last August, the thoughts I have of how fun it would be to smash my arms through a window pane, the fact I 'turn into' a 6 year old girl sometimes, that I sleepwalk and wake up screaming, that I spend 2 hours before sleep every night curled up in a ball full of thoughts about my past that terrify me, the fact when I am around people at hospital I cover myself with a blanket, that WaSp sometimes has to put my medication in my hand and stand over me because it feels like poison, the fact I have catatonic episodes where I get stuck in other worlds and cannot get back. This is just some aspects of how things are.

All of this together on a page looks horrendous! My life really is very different to other people's, I think I am living ordinarily but I am not at all. In my 20's I was utterly bereft for the life I had lost when I could do so much, around 10 years ago I came to terms with it and started to accept it and do what I could within it. Seeing it written down just feels like I am living in my own little bubble of insanity and I am not even aware of it most of the time. Am I really this unwell? Should I be doing something about it? How does WaSp put up with this?! This isn't fair on him, he deserves a better life than this.

End penguin

pollyanna_26

WAS I've just read your penguin . I spoke a while ago about the cruelty of these forms and how heartbreaking they can be both for the claiment and those that love them and have to watch them strip their lives bare . What these forms do not show are the loving heartwarming and positive sides of people and the good they do . Please do not let yourself be made to torment yourself and suffer more . Look at the number of thanks you have on these threads and think of the changes you have made in both your life and many others by providing this safe haven . Chin up sweetheart . You are much loved by your golden lights , Wasp and Millefleur plus your teacher friend and american friend .
Love polly x

mellymoo74

Just read the penguin WaS
Your symptoms aren't all you are lovely they are just a part of you.
The idiots that make people jump through hoops don't know or care about the other bits of you they only care about the symptoms.
Everyone who knows you both here, other boards and IRL sees you as much more than that.
X

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you so much, polly and melly. It just feels like I am utter waste of space filling this in. I probably look totally daft because at the end of the piece describing psychosis I put but I am a kind person who loves animals! I know how stupid that sounds but I felt I had to put something to balance it out! The person reading won't care at all but I feel better that there is a little bit of positivity in there!

I am usually very optimistic but this is just draining me. I am still on the About your illness's section on page 3, there is loads more to go. This is the worse part because it isn;t specific, I do far better with small questions broken down than trying to write everything in one big ,horrible essay. I shall do more tomorrow, I am extremely anxious now so I need to stop or I will never sleep.

mellymoo74

WaS have you ever organised an advocate? They do the forms for you and deal with the idiots. I do it for OH you then don't need to do this.
Can't remember the phrase they use for it.

pollyanna_26

WAS - I mentioned bubbly bulldozer the other day please consider telling her how hard you're finding filling the form in . She may be able to help .
Night night to you and Melly .
polly

pollyanna_26

Melly Appointee ? I am my daughters appointee both with dwp and nhs hence all the paperwork !
polly

mellymoo74

That's the one Polly I am OHS
WaS bubbly bulldozer or wasp could then do it WaS