Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

calleyw

elsien wrote: »

I am now wondering whether to recuperate by scoffing the rest of my home made apple crumble.

My mums was lush even cold :rotfl:

I have another in the freezer. Maybe next sunday.

Yours

Calley

tea_lover

I may have had an er....incident with some chocolate. Not looking forward to this week's weigh in!!

Pyxis

tea_lover wrote: »

I may have had an er....incident with some chocolate. Not looking forward to this week's weigh in!!

Georgiegirl256

I think for now, I've totally give up on the idea of weighing in! Well, I have sort of made a start, I bought some new batteries for the scales. Just haven't put them in yet Need to know what weight I am first.

onomatopoeia99

I avoid chocolate incidents by not buying any, because if it's in the house I'll eat it.

Waves_and_Smiles

Auditory hallucinations can indeed be specific to a place elsien, or even to a time. Because they can be stress driven if someone is in an upsetting situation or conversely if they have too much time to think and relive bad memories it can trigger hallucinations. Tiredness is a big cause so last thing at night at home is a common time, as is waking up in the morning when the dream state hasn't fully switched off. Although if someone is having a psychotic relapse, psychosis will always be present it can always be worsened by outside influences and the emotional trauma of one's environment. it's also worth noting that psychosis isn't the only cause of hallucinations so there are a lot of factors in play.

I think you are right Pyxis. I need to treat these hallucinations the way I treat the auditory ones, basically acknowledge that they are there and accept it. I don't even know why I am being so silly as to try to make them disappear really, it never works with the voices so why should it work now? They are the same things as each other, just that a different sense is involved. I am trying to relax into it because all becoming anxious will do is prolong the episode and then I will be stuck in a circle. My psychiatrist isn't alarmed at all and I should probably listen to him.

Hope everyone is doing ok! I am still reading along. You have no idea of the almost hysterically funny, paranoid thoughts in my head right now so I am staying quiet for a bit! If a thought gets too bad and involves the thread I will blurt it though, and not be at all offended if you all laugh. Even I am laughing at some of them!

Pyxis

Would it help if you told us the paranoid thoughts?

Would it help if we told you they weren't real?

Would it help or hinder if we found them funny?


Just thinking that maybe if we reinforce the fact that they're not real, it might help? In the same way as we reassure you that someone dying isn't your fault?

Pyxis

Another thought.

You know how one sense can trigger memories and emotions? Like a certain scent taking you in your mind to a certain time/place, or a certain song transporting you to a happy or sad time/place?

Could that perhaps work to counteract the paranoia?


For example is there a time or place that you associate with being particularly calm, paranoid free, etc? If so, is there a thought process, a song, a scent, a particular memory you could invoke that would 'transport' you to that state?

Would that be a useful tool to apply when you get the paranoid thoughts?

I hope I'm explaining this properly........I don't know all the relevant psychological terms!

Waves_and_Smiles

Those are all really good ideas, Pyxis! (Morning Pyxis!).

Touch can often ground me a lot hence one of the reasons why I have so may fluffy toys. Scented candles can also help.

Ok let's try talking about it. Here's a funny one for you. I the last post I wrote I decided I used too many comma's. This made me look ridiculous and as if I couldn't write a sentence. That quickly jumped to the fact that I can;t even work anyway so am utterly useless which led to but suppose I can and I am just kidding myself and people reading just think I am a scrounger and that nothing is wrong with me and perhaps they are right? Maybe I am just making it up and I am just lazy and worth nothing and people are secretly thinking that. Then I had a little cry.

That all came from an observation of comma's. See how it spirals? I do see how ridiculous it is but my thoughts just run away right now into worse possible scenario's where I am inevitably a horrible person. Writing this I feel like I am taking up thread space being self-absorbed, should just stay quiet and get on with it and that people might be thinking, not her whining again! Why doesn't she just shut up?

My brain is mush I tell you, mush! I don't even need any input from anyone else, I am convincing myself I am worthless which sounds pathetic. I am pathetic. Even writing about how pathetic I feel is pathetic. Or perhaps I am just pretending and have a very vivid imagination and there is nothing actually wrong with me and I just want to be ill. Which means I am taking medication for no reason and should stop and then I might feel better, perhaps that is making me worse. Don't panic! I'm not stopping my medication, but this is how my thoughts are spiralling into conclusions of doom from the slightest thing. This is happening constantly right now, I am not fit to be around humans!

Then there's everyone on this thread, all fighting so hard to overcome difficulties in your daily lives and what am I going on about? The inside of my brain! Pathetic! Everyone is dealing with real things and battling their way through and my concerns are electric blue spiders crawling up the walls and if too many comma's make me look like an idiot. I don't deserve everyone's support or have a right to post on this thread right now. I have it easy to so many of you and yet I can't even cope with how my own brain works. Did I mention pathetic? I wouldn't blame anyone here if they think I am the worse person ever, I certainly feel it. But even saying that is self-absorbed and selfish and maybe everyone agree's but is too nice to say so. I agree with it myself (how selfish! Argh!).

I could continue the same boring drawl for pages. Imagine these thoughts constantly spinning around your brain every waking second. That is where I am right now. There is far more to psychotic thoughts than the media-displayed hallucinations, delusions and conspiracy theories. It goes far deeper than that and it is relentless.

Sadly, this is why the suicide rate is so high amongst people with psychotic illness (I am not suicidal at all!), it just causes a huge heap of self-loathing when it's triggered that seems to go on forever. Add to that paranoia that everyone has 'found you out' and realises what a terrible person you are and there is little reason to carry on and you just feel like you and everyone else would be better off if you weren't taking up valuable oxygen and resources from more deserving people. Plus then you could finally rest and your brain might shut up. Little is spoken about when it comes to this side of psychotic illness, mainly because people with it are so paranoid of being hated that they just don't talk about it which can make things even worse for them. Even putting this here makes me feel awful and spotlighted as a horrid person. I am very paranoid about being this open right now but it might help someone so I'm biting the bullet. I really want to delete the whole post but I won't.

I really am not suicidal though so don't worry, I am used to this. I am however very, very tired of challenging just about every thought I have right now. Even sleep offers no respite, I am having very vivid dreams of being abandoned and hated and waking myself up crying. I am also sleep-walking a lot something else that steps up when I relapse. I would just like 10 minutes peace from my thoughts.

elsien

Thank you for being brave enough to post that WaS. It's a side of psychosis I wasn't fully aware of, so will be helpful to me personally in carrying out my job.
So that's one useful thing you've done today already, and it's barely breakfast time. So the thoughts telling you not to post are the unhelpful ones.
It must be incredibly tiring to have no respite day or night, yet you're still battling on and helping us all out. There is nothing pathetic about that at all, so I am now feeling obliged to get cross with your brain for telling you that on all our behalfs. (Behalves? - the grammar experts might need to help me out here.)

Hang on in there - we miss you when you're not around.:)