Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

System

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Does Swain know about your memory's of your parents arguing and that arguing and confrontation sets off a trigger for you? If not, would it help to share that information with him?

Big hugs (((MU)))

He knows now.

He said that occasionally his mum might get angry about something but thats just the ways she deals with it (Like you feel you do J_M) and that she was fine this morning.

I just feel so weak and pathetic, like the last time it happened was when an ex housemate started shouting at me and i burst into tears then and my ex bf at the time told me i was being stupid and just needed to man up. He didn't understand how triggering it was for me, after my tatty ex i just can;t cope with any kind of conflict. For nearly 4 years i put up with daily arguments and shouting matches and it was always MY fault, whether it was cooking an ommlette wrong, or daring to have side effects from my medication it was always my fault, i lived in fear pretty much constantly and now its gotten to the point if people are shouting, even not at me i still blame myself.

Pyxis

I really understand, MessedUp. I'm a total conflict-wimp too. I just dissolve.
Although as I've got older I've learned to deal with it a bit, it's still only a bit, and it's still 'all my fault' even if deep down I rationalise that it isn't.

What WaS says is true. Swain's mum had been woken up, couldn't get back to sleep, was tired, maybe knew that she had to go to work in the morning (?), and then wondered what goddam awful mess Swain was making in her kitchen that she'd have to face in the morning before work. Being woken up turns even the nicest person into Godzilla!

There's no way she would have blamed you, and is probably feeling mortified at having upset you.

Let's face it, if Swain's Dad hadn't started talking to him, there wouldn't have been any noise and she wouldn't have woken up, so if it's anyone's fault, it's his!

But I know the way your mind would have worked.....
I was hungry, Swain said he'd make me some pasta; because he was in the kitchen making it, his Dad came to talk to him, and because of that, Swain's mum woke up and was cross. So it's all my fault.

It so isn't your fault!

But yes, a good chat with Swain to explain your trigger will help a lot, I'm sure.

System

What you say is true, he's even explained that to me himself. It's just me and my silly brain

I'm off on Friday (thought I was working so haven't told Swain yet), should probably tell him and try seeing him then. Urgh just feeling beaten my my brain this evening

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

What you say is true, he's even explained that to me himself. It's just me and my silly brain

I'm off on Friday (thought I was working so haven't told Swain yet), should probably tell him and try seeing him then. Urgh just feeling beaten my my brain this evening

How about having a good facial cleanse/exfoliate/face pack with relaxation/rinse and moisturise and then an early night? That should relax the brain into submission! :A



Oh, and do your hands as well, while you're at it!m

System

Pyxis wrote: »

How about having a good facial cleanse/exfoliate/face pack with relaxation/rinse and moisturise and then an early night? That should relax the brain into submission! :A



Oh, and do your hands as well, while you're at it!m

Sounds like a good idea

Am gonna run a bath in a moment, baths seem to relax me

Eurgh hate my mind when it's like this. I still can't believe I felt like this pretty much every day for 3 years and survived. But I did, so that's something I guess.

elsien

Yes but at least you've got insight into what's going on and why it's triggering you. That's the first step in being able to start doing something about it.
We all have times when our reactions make us feel pathetic - my speciality is bursting into tears when I'm angry. I'm seriously wanting to bollock someone and just end up dripping all over them instead which is soooo frustrating.
Any nice relaxing smellies to go in the bath? - it's a bit old ladyish but I do like lavender to help my brain to calm down.

onomatopoeia99

MU, I completely understand how you feel. I'm another that cannot deal with conflict going on around me and have to take myself out of there.

My parents always rowed when I was growing up, usually about money from what I recall, and it always made me really unhappy. I never argued with them, not getting cross rowing type arguments - I couldn't stand it when they did it so I wasn't going to do it myself. Perhaps they might have loosened the reins a bit if I had, rather than me having to wait to go to university to get some independence.

Anyway, the last time that I completely broke down was when I was 18, it was a Saturday morning and I was supposed to be buying my first car. I'd gone to the building society (as it was then) and got the money out of my savings and when I got back somehow mum and dad were arguing about something and it was to do with what I was doing and they were really getting wound up. I'd started the day really excited and before lunchtime my parents were fighting like cat and dog. I couldn't cope and just dissolved while they were yelling. At least it shut them up. I think it was that point I realised there was no way I would be coming back to live there after university. I get on with them much better at a distance of over 100 miles.

I'm sure that my own intense aversion to conflict is why I never "lose it" with people and never shout. I cannot comprehend it, or what would make me act like that, but if I ever got into that state it would be for something completely unforgivable and I feel if someone is acting like that to me then it must be the same for them and they aren't going to be part of my life any more. Even when my ex betrayed me in about the most spectacular way possible I didn't, I just asked her why (never got a satisfactory answer, but I didn't have the heart to pursue it.)

I don't have any advice (I'm still hopeless at coping with it myself), but hugs, because it's awful to be caught up in.

Gingernutty

Hey guys.

I've been hovering.

I'm bored, badly trained at my job, restless and need to break out an do something different.

Talk me out of a six week, women's stand up comedy course before I ring up tomorrow and see if there are any places left, will you?

Why am I even thinking of it?

mellymoo74

Right research done.
Scared the poop out of myself.
Have pretty much persuaded myself I am crap not good enough it's to big a jump.

I will be ok going to sleep hopefully soon.
Suit sorted
Hair washed today so can use the curler I wouldn't have bought had I known I was unemployed on it.
Research sorted

All eggs not in one basket another interview Fri and Mon.

mellymoo74

Do it gingernutty
Lots of transferable skills.