Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

whitewing

I like HWAT.

Better than being a !!!! (Tearful with a twist!)

I managed 40 star jumps today so I am happy.

Oakdene

Pyxis wrote: »

Hello Oakdene. Welcome!

So sorry to hear you're struggling. Can we help,in any way?

Hi, just struggling to cope with the end of my relationship, been a very rocky few days sadly.

Pyxis

Oakdene wrote: »

Hi, just struggling to cope with the end of my relationship, been a very rocky few days sadly.

(((((((((((((Oakdene)))))))))))))))

Waves_and_Smiles

Wow! Well done, whitewing! that's really impressive!

Oh Oakdene my heart goes out to you. I know I used to be frantic at the end of a relationship, unable to settle and going over and over it constantly. It really is so hard. Do you have other things to give yourself something to think about for a little while? Even 10 minutes thinking of something else can help. Something I found useful after a particularly messy break up was to allow myself 10 minutes an hour to think about it. When those 10 minutes were up I would distract myself for all I was worth whilst reminding myself that I could think about things again, but not until my given time. It did give me some relief. Hang in there we are all here for you.

HWAT probably sums me up quite well most days!

Torry_Quine

Through all that my life isn't rosy I am blessed with an amazing husband who was my first boyfriend. My heart goes out to those with difficult relationships and I hope that things improve.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw that's lovely, Torry. I am sure he feels just the same way about you.

System

I need advice

Synopsis of events is as follows, it was about 1:30am, Swain had offered to cook me some pasta, his dad cam in and was talking to him (he;d worked a night shift and couldn;t sleep) and then his mum came down and was pretty angry as she'd been woken up, and pretty much banned Swain from cooking. I was in the other room and for some reason frozen with fear. Bascially, the eariest memory of my parents is them arguing, when i lived at home i argued a lot with my parents, when i was with my twattish ex he shouted at me all the time, and the last time i had it was an ex housemate who shouted at me. I cannot point blank deal with angry people. It triggers me. It makes me remember everything and i just shut off.

Now the thing is Swain;s mum has told me she was never angry at me, Swain has told me not to worry and that everything is ok, yet today i have been an emotional wreck. It was like some fight or flight crap kicked in and i had to get out of there. In my head it as my fault. In my head i caused it. In my head i feel i've outstayed my welcome, and in my head i currently feel i can never go back again. I feel really !!!! about this but i lied to Swain and said i was working tomorrow because i knew if i just said i wanted to go home he;d try and persuade me to stay. I haven't stopped crying since last night and i know its irrational and a complete over reaction but it brought up so many feelings that i just can#t deal with them.

I hoped i'd feel better if i came home but i still feel like crap.

If anyone can kick some sense into me that would be most appricated. Also seriously considering if i need some kind of counselling to address how i deal (or rather can't currently deal with) conflict.

jobbingmusician

Awwww MU, that's so sad that an event at Swain's triggered you. xxxxx Counselling does sound like a good idea, to explore what it is that sets you off.

I can be very angry about stupid things - I blow up and then it's all over in about 10 minutes. I don't hold a grudge and it really is all over, but Mr JM really suffers - his previous partner used to hit him and it really makes him scared. I say I have to explode to get it out, but he has difficulty coping as well. It's really difficult as I really DO have to explode sometimes, and it's awful to feel it might affect people like it does you

I've said all this in case it helps to know that some people just need to let it out and it doesn't imply anything for the future! xxxx

Georgiegirl256

Does Swain know about your memory's of your parents arguing and that arguing and confrontation sets off a trigger for you? If not, would it help to share that information with him?

Big hugs (((MU)))

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, big hugs MU. I totally relate, I freeze at anger too. If WaSp so much as snaps at me because he is busy and I have disturbed him I will take it to heart and get myself in an awful state. I literally freeze bodily, all of my muscles tighten and I get really bad headaches because I lock all of the muscles in my spine. In my case it is because my anger at my dad was blamed for his dad so I am scared of anger, it might be an idea to have some counselling and attempt to work through the left over feelings.

Now logically, Swains mum was woken up by cooking and voices, she was likely grumpy and just wanted to sleep so overreacted. I have snapped myself when I am really tired and have been woken up then completely regretted later. Instead of looking at it as if you have outstayed your welcome consider that his mum is likely embarrassed that she overreacted because she was so tired and felt grumpy and is likely also feeling bad right now. It wasn't directed at you as you know, it wasn't directed at anyone in particular, she just wanted to sleep so threw a little tantrum, just like overtired children do.

You have done NOTHING wrong! Not a single thing! These are old tapes playing in your head from past experiences, they aren't true. It wasn't your fault back then and it isn't now. Have another big hug.